Watered Spring

Happy 2 Weeks Katie!!!

2011-12-07T23:02:00.002-05:00

Today our precious Katie is 2 weeks old, and today we have our date for release from the NICU as long as she continues to do as she is! I enjoyed time snuggling her today...it was wonderful. She is tube free and eating on her own schedule. I am so excited about the progress she has made and I am looking forward to having her home with the rest of us! God has been good...we are rejoicing in Him!
Happy 2 Weeks Katherine Kay!

Death of a vision

2011-12-04T22:48:00.006-05:00

Our precious Katie is 12 days old. It has been a busy and quick 12 days. I am so grateful for the ways the Lord has encouraged my heart through His Word, the book "Jesus + Nothing =Everything" by Tullian Tchividjian, nurses, doctors, family and friends. Despite the many challenges we have faced, God's goodness is so evident in each situation. God has orchestrated these last few weeks in ways that I cannot ignore His hand on our lives. He has been so very good to us; we are so unworthy! I have learned so much about God's character and I am humbled that He would pour out so much grace on my life as well as our precious Katie. He is good. These last few weeks have had a few circumstances that have challenged me to change my views on some things and turn my heart to trust God's goodness in new ways. One has been the death of my fertility. This has been a difficult "coming to terms", and yet, I see God's hand even in this.
When I was first married to Andy, we were neither a fan of birth control and really planned not to use anything to prevent having children. We both wanted to wait a little while, but the Lord blessed us 4 months into our marriage with the expectancy of our first child. Every year after that, before our baby was a year, we were expecting again. Andy would joke about the fact that he should invest in pregnancy tests because I took so many! However, each pregnancy had its own set of difficulties. We experienced 4 miscarriages, our second daughter was born at 30 weeks, Doctor visits were a challenge because there were so many of them, we had genetic testing done after our 3rd miscarriage and the loss of our first son, Nathan Joel. This season of childbearing really has been a challenging season, and yet there have been so much joy despite the struggles. After each challenge, I thought, "I'd do it again!"
When we found out we were pregnant with Katie, I was nervous. Sophie was only 10 months and I was nervous about being pregnant as I had many complications at the end of my pregnancy with Sophie. The excitement was tainted a bit by the nervousness of what Katie's pregnancy would bring. Things seemed simple for the majority of her pregnancy...I even hoped pre-eclampsia would not plague me. However, November hit, and complications abounded. Even then, I hoped we would carry her close to term, but the Lord had other plans.
While waiting for my c-section, Andy and I had a decision to make. If I delivered at the hospital I had planned, permanent closing of my childbearing would not be offered. At this new hospital, it was an option. As we prayed and sought to make a wise choice, I went back and forth. I knew conceiving again would be difficult and hard on my body. I didn't like the direction Katie's pregnancy had headed and I want to be there for my children as well as not put any future children's lives at risk. My husband encouraged me to go ahead and get my tubes tied. He truly felt Katie was it for my body and as we both desire to adopt, adding to our family would still not be an issue. We did make the decision to tie my tubes, and when we delivered Katie, they told us my uterus at my previous incision site was paper thin- they could see right through it. For me, that was a greater confirmation that we needed to be done. However, despite so much pointing to that direction, it still doesn't take away completely the sense of loss I feel.
When we were pregnant with Katie, I received a few colorful comments that really bothered me. One person asked if I would finally be content after this baby and finally not have any more. I was so irritated. I have never understood why people think making comments like that are acceptable. I mean, is my having kids bugging you? They don't need to deal with my kids if they don't want to. I am more than happy to mother my children. I have received myriads of comments now when people ask if we are done and I say sadly yes. They tell me I will be so happy to not be pregnant again or that I have six so now I can be done and let others have some (as if my pregnancies prevented anyone else from having children!). I know the heart of where these comments come from and while they are not meaning to hurt me, they bear the sting all the same. I love having kids. I don't always enjoy every aspect of pregnancy, but I enjoy feeling the baby move, holding a new one, smelling the new baby smell, and the joy on my other kids faces when they see and love on the new little one. With Katie, I feel the sorrow of "this is it...she is it", and at moments it makes me so sad. However, I am so grateful the Lord blessed us with 6 children and protected them and me during some serious complications. God has been good, and while I do believe the decision was the right one, it will not take away the emotional struggle I face. I can rest assured in the One who has ordained each situation and is the giver of wisdom. I know His hand is in this as much as each situation I have faced. I am grateful to know Who I can go to when the struggle gets hard knowing He is Sovereign and He has my good and His glory at the center of it all~ even in the death of a vision!

Happy 1 Week Katie!!!

2011-11-30T08:11:00.009-05:00

Our precious Katie is 1 week old today! I cannot believe how quickly this week has gone by. I am hoping the weeks zoom until we bring her home with us! I enjoy my time with her up at the hospital, but it will be nice to get her home. It will be nice to get all of our children home! Our other 5 children have been spending time with my parents in Michigan. I am grateful for teh sacrifice my parents have made to help us care for our kids. We are hoping to have the children home as early as this weekend and then hopefully Miss Katie will be shortly behind.
Katie is doing well on her eating...still falling asleep in her meals, but that's okay. I want her to take all the time she needs. We have been enjoying Kangaroo care this week. it is such a nice thing to do and it relaxes me so much!

They made her a sign for her name. I am thinking we may have to get Katie to like My Liitle Kitty as not only did they put her on her tag, Ioan likes to call her baby "Kitty" which we think is adorable!

She is up to 4lb. 4 and 1/3oz and last measured was 17 and 1/2in. She is indeed growing and she is so precious! All she needs is to gain some energy and Lord willing we will be bringing her home soon!!! We are grateful for God's hand on her and His kindness in allowing her to do so well, We have seen His grace manifested in the best circumstance and we know that in the little times of difficulties we have had, His grace has been seen then too! We are grateful for the goodness of our God!

Introducing: Katherine Kay

2011-11-24T14:21:00.004-05:00

It has been an eventful few days. After being discharged from the hospital last Saturday night, Andy and I had a really good day on Sunday together. However, Sunday afternoon, my right shoulder was really starting to give me grief. By Monday, I was in alot of pain and could barely tolerate it. I called the physician on call after hours and they said if I was still in pain to come in on Tuesday to be evaluated. I saw the midwife again and she sent me back down to the OB department as my bp was elevated. This time, however, the bp's stayed elevated despite pain meds and being there. I also was spilling protein (a sign of pre-ecclampsia developing). They wanted me to be monitored over night and see what would happen.
The next morning, I was told I may go home, we'd see. My pressures had remained elevated overnight and I was still hurting in my shoulder. The midwife came in and said she didn't know what the Dr. on call would want to do. I told her that I really didn't know the new ob and wanted to make sure that she discussed with the other ob's to make determination about delivery or no or even going home. Later, the midwife came back and took my drinks and said I would be sectioned later that day. I was nervous, but okay with that plan. Later(shortly after), the midwife and Dr. came in to talk to me. As they were discussing what would happen, they realized my due date was actually January based on ultrasound and that I was only 33 weeks 4 days and not 35 weeks. Therefore, they wanted to transfer me to a high risk hospital with a peri to evaluate me. They said that they would probably finish my 24 hour test and decide from there. In all honesty, I was very overwhelmed at this point. I had been frustrated with the whole "due date" question for the pregnancy. I had told the nurse when I went for my hollister that it said the 4th-7th, but they always ask you based on your last cycle. Obviously mine was messed up. Anyway, I was very irritated to be sent somewhere new especially by physicians who I felt did not know me or know my situation. I was beyond frustrated. Thankfully, the Lord knew I would need a friend, and He sent my friend Deb to be there with me. She rode in the ambulance with me up to the hospital (which helped even though I was bawling and very upset). The guys that drove the ambulance were so nice and I sure appreciated them. They helped calm me too. We arrived at the hospital and the nurses who were caring for me were great. They put me at ease right away. Immediately there were things that came up: I was now spilling 4+protein, I now had 2+ clonus, bp was still high, but there was evidence that I was indeed sick. The Dr. came in and said I didn't look sick (which was nice of him to say!), but I would be delivering because of all these signs. Delivery would happen around 4-5ish and we would see how the baby would do. The nurses took great care of me while I was encouraged by my friends, Deb and Steph, and eventually Andy made it up there too. I was very nervous about the c-section because I had been very nervous before and had a panic attack with my last one. I got in there for my section and was put at ease again by the people in the room. I know the Lord truly had it worked out well. I never once struggled while they delivered her. Andy came in and we waited for her to be born. We rejoiced when we heard her scream like crazy!!! It went so well. The Lord kept His hand on her and I. She had no breathing issues and I was spared further issues from a very thin uterus. God was sooo good there.
And He is still good now, Katie is doing well. I am needing to rest and keep my pressures down, but overall I am well too, So, may I introduce to you our 4lb 2oz. 16 and 3/4in. daughter, Katherine Kay

Challenging Few Days

2011-11-20T09:20:00.003-05:00

Friday I had another doctor's appointment. I already wasn't feeling well, so I knew it wouldn't be good. My bp was elevated and I was immediately sent to the OB department again. My experience down there was both good and bad. The nurses had no idea what was going on even though the midwife had talked to them! When the midwife came in to talk to me she was very unhappy about the way things were happening. My nurse got me situated and they started taking my bp's and low and behold, they were low...crazy low. Meanwhile, they started monitoring me and Katie and while I was showing uterine activity every 5 min. or so, it wasn't awfully strong (though I felt it in my hips and lower abdomen) however, Katie was not moving much and not doing the things she needed to do. They tried buzzing her to stimulate activity, had me eat something sweet and drink some juice, and she still would not cooperate. After 4 hours of waiting for her to do something, they said that I would have to go to an ultrasound to make sure that she was okay. We went to the ultrasound and guess what...Katie still wouldn't cooperate. They were looking for movements (which were incredibly subtle for the 2 or 3 we saw), practice breathing and swallowing (which she did not do), and some other things. When we left there, the ultrasound tech wasn't incredibly pleased with Katie, but said she still might pass. We never did find out the results completely, I was just told to rest that night and that they would repeat tests as needed in the morning. One advantage of having the ultrasound was seeing our precious daughter. The ultrasound tech kept saying, "Look at her chubby face...she's going to have cute chubby legs", and said she weighed about 5lb. I can't wait to meet this precious baby, but I am really hoping all stays good for at least another week or so!
Got up yesterday morning, and had another NST which Katie passed easily...she was a busy girl! I was monitored for my bp just a couple of times and then taken off all monitoring to wait for test results. I was told I would be released. They took one more bp (which was high, but not overly high) and I was able to come home.
It really was quite the journey the last few days. Not knowing if we are really to the end or not, has been challenging. I really want Katie to remain in for a little bit longer, but I know God already has ordained her days and knows exactly when she will make her entrance. While I am still hoping it is at least a week and a half away, I know the Lord holds her life even as He does mine. I have a few days to rest and take it easy until my next appointment which will be Tuesday or Wednesday. I am hoping that we can still avoid delivery at that point and that I won't have any more trips to the OB department until Katie's birthday!

Day 1 of Bed rest

2011-11-17T18:50:00.003-05:00

The Lord has seen fit to slow me down. I am currently on bed rest at home for the remainder of this pregnancy. I was on bed rest with our first child, but have always had my other problematic pregnancies as soon as problems arose. This is certainly a challenge for me as I have 5 other children and have needed to get steroid shots (something I have never received before). The Lord has been so good to our family during this time: many offers to help, my Mom came and took the other 5 kids to stay with her in Michigan for a week, and much encouragement. I am so grateful for the Lord's hand.
Yesterday, at my appointment, my blood pressure spiked quite high and that is the greatest concern at this point. However, God's hand was certainly at work. I am re-reading the book "1000 gifts" by Ann Voskamp. I was reading a chapter while I waited for the Dr. to come and right before she walked in I read this:
"Isaiah 14:24 ~ 'Surely, just as I have intended so it has happened, and just as I have planned so it will stand'(NASB). As God plans...so it stands."(p. 88)
Isn't that such a wonderful, amazing, comforting thought: All stands according to God's plan. I am so grateful to know that my baby and I are in the hands of a Sovereign, almighty God who works all things according to His plan. And this plan is one to make us more like Jesus and glorify Him! I am in awe. He is so good!
I was encouraged by a sweet friend to journal this journey. I am a terrible blogger, but maybe being stuck on bed rest will give me the time to journal and track all am I learning and the ways the Lord is teaching me. I am praying for a teachable spirit to be molded into Christ's likeness!

First Nervousness

2011-11-10T19:59:00.002-05:00

Today, I experienced my first cause for alarm this pregnancy. After a persistent headache for 2 days, I experienced elevated blood pressure today that was quite high. After a trip to the OB unit, I was finally able to get the bp's to come down, however the headache has hung on. I am praying the Lord will graciously give us 4 more weeks of this pregnancy. I do not prefer a premature baby! However, He already knows when she is coming and I am praying that I will do as suggested and rest! Praying Katie and I make it past Thanksgiving!

31 weeks and counting!

2011-10-28T08:48:00.002-05:00

So, I am officially past 31 weeks (which feels extraordinarily good). We are past when our second daughter was born. I now have around 5 more weeks to get past when our youngest daughter was born. I am praying Katie will surprise us all and come the latest of any of my girls! I know God can do a miracle here...and I am praying that one occurs. I am really enjoying feeling her move, although, she doesn't really kick, she squirms! I am anxious to have the pregnancy over with as I am fairly achy and uncomfortable, but I am nervous about six children. 5 seems to be working well....and 6, well, can seem intimidating at times. I am so grateful the Lord is blessing us again with a precious child and I can't wait to see what kind of dynamic she adds to our family.
As we near the end and I anticipate another c-section (something I dread and panic over, I find myself increasingly encouraged by Psalms as well as the focus of God's grace. This past year has been a journey for me in the area of believing what God's grace really means to me as His child and responding in gratefulness for this undeserved gift. I am finding that I am struggling with still looking for the pleasure of men instead of walking in the already given pleasure of God. His love is so much more amazing when I realize that all is grace given by Him! I am learning and loving this walk. The freedom is amazing and I am realizing so much how guilt easily can creep in where it ought not be. A month or so ago, I was listening to some missionaries speak and listened as they shared some of their guilt in failing in areas of their lives. That is where it ended. They shared no hope that God works in spite of our failures and faults. They kept the room so somber as they ended their time sharing with praying we would be "clean vessels because God doesn't use dirty ones". I literally cried and stated to my husband that I cannot be around places that spout these views. They are so steeped in works theology and not grace. Yes, we fail. Yes, we don't do things perfectly and we struggle with sin. However, the freedom of the hope of God's grace leaves us from living in guilt and fear and gives us the means to walk freely knowing that God's grace alone saved and sustains our walk with Christ. Does it mean we won't sin or struggle? Absolutely not! But I can walk in gratitude to the Lord for saving me and knowing He will complete His work in me. Amazing, isn't it? He is faithful to complete the work HE began....and it isn't because I am an easy, mold-able piece of clay! I feel often like I am the opposite. Stiff and unwilling. But He in His faithfulness and grace will finish the work. And accomplish all His holy will. Again, the freedom that it is not all up to me! Like Paul the apostle, I am one of the worst sinners and yet God uses me! I am not a clean vessel yet, but because of Jesus I am a vessel that can be used because of Christ's work on the cross for me. So, I am glad I don't need to have it all together. His grace covers!
Ok. Enough rambling! I am so grateful for grace and Jesus. I am learning and praying that the Lord would daily draw me to Himself and remind me moment by moment of grace and Jesus!

A week of Remembering and New Requests

2011-09-10T05:45:00.004-05:00

This week has been an up and down week for me. I have many things on my heart that I often have to surrender to the Lord. A dear friend who lost her baby earlier this year was due around this time, and so I have been thinking of her this week. This week also marked one year since my sweet sister Beth delivered my precious nephew Tobin who was stillborn. Reliving the events of that week were sad, but my sister's testimony and trust in the Lord have been greatly encouraging. She is also carrying my nephew, Aidan, whom we anticipate either the end of October or the beginning of November. The presence of new life is certainly a reminder of hope!
Thursday, I had another ultrasound and OB check. We were able to see the 4 chambers of the heart and confirm that this baby does indeed seem to be a girl. I am thrilled to know the gender so I can prepare. I am however trying not to be too nervous despite the fact that my history with girls is not so good. I have never made it past 37 weeks with my girls and my last girls were born at 30 weeks and 36 weeks. With both Lillian and Sophie, I had complications from preeclampsia and had to have blood transfusions due to placental abruptions. With my last pregnancy, I was hopeful that things would end well, and there were complications that made us wonder if we should even have more children. And we were advised that we should be done. I would not change having this precious girl, even though she was a surprise! But knowing she is a girl does make me alittle more nervous for both me and her. I must keep remembering my life, and her life, is ultimately in the hands of the Soverign Lord who has a plan for us both.
Last night, as I was reading posts on facebook, I read that one of the couples Andy and I know from Word of Life received news that their baby will not live long after birth. This too brought back emotions from watching my sister walk this road last year. My heart is heavy for them, but their faith and trust in the Lord is so encouraging.
September is a difficult month for me. It carries with it alot of sorrow: Tobin, my dear cousin Josh's death, the loss of our first son Nathan at 16 weeks, 9/11... I definitely have learned over the last few years what it means to trust the Lord in ways I never would have without the experiences He has brought me through. So while September brings some sorrows, I am so grateful for His hand and plan for me.

10 Years!

2011-08-20T14:36:00.002-05:00

My hubby and I celebrated 10 years of marriage this past week. Andy was able to have this week off and so we enjoyed time as a family as well as just the 2 of us. We had an enjoyable time getting projects done, enjoying time as a family at home and as we cared for Andy's dad, playing games, and watching movies, and then a trip away to Bristol, Indiana for a night away at a Bed and Breakfast. We enjoyed time visiting Amish stores and the sites in that area. We even visited a working mill which was very interesting and we are planning on bringing our kids back!
I am so very grateful for the husband the Lord has given me. Our past 10 years have not been easy. We have had our moments of difficulty and growing periods. We have had 10 pregnancies, 5 beautiful children (2 born early), 4 babies awaiting us in heaven, and our latest blessing due around Christmas. We have lived in 5 different homes in 2 different states. We have enjoyed a few trips alone and quite a few family vacations. Yet, through it all, I cannot imagine being with anyone else to walk this earthly journey. He is my biggest encourager, my greatest challenger, and I am so grateful for God's blessing me with my Andy.

20 Weeks

2011-08-10T12:56:00.003-05:00

We have hit the half way mark with our precious baby. I can hardly believe that we only have 18ish weeks left until we meet our precious little one. I had an appointment yesterday and all seemed good. I need to take extra care of my leg as it is definitely having issues! That's okay though, I suppose I could use the extra rest!
This week I had an appointment with the Midwife (I go to a practice where I have seen 2 of the OB's since I was pregnant with Lillian. They now have a midwife and another OB, and I am not too thrilled to be shuffled around so much!) Anyway, there was some confusion regarding my due date. I always assumed it was around the 4th-7th of January, but they have officially moved it to the 28th of December. Baby has always measured more like January, but they don't even think I will make it to Christmas anyway. I had my ultrasound on the 4th, and while the tech thought it looked girl, she couldn't say with certainty because our baby was so uncooperative. She said I will be back for another ultrasound and they could check again at that time. When I went this week, it was determined that I will have the rest of the anatomy checked in the office at my next appointment and that we could get a gender peek then! That appointment is scheduled for September 8th...so in 4 weeks, we will get another peek! This will be my longest interval between appointments...a nice break for sure!!!!
I have really been struggling with the fact that there is so much I want to do around our home to get ready for December and feeling the "crunch" (I know! Crazy!)to get so much done. I am really trying to prioritize and divvy out all that needs to be accomplished over the next 3 and a half months. Knowing there is a good chance this baby is a girl (and I don't do well with girls) and knowing this baby could arrive as early as the beginning of December has me really wanting to get alot done. Currently, my plan is the following:
August ~ finish painting rooms and organizing the house
September ~ switch clothes in all the kids drawers and make list of what is needed for the winter
October ~ make sure all baby items are ready and accounted for and make list of any items still needed
November ~prepare for Christmas (Advent items, gifts, decorating) and make sure suitcases are packed for kids, and mom for hospital.
December ~ enjoy the holiday as long as we are able to!!!!

I feel like if I have a plan, something will get accomplished even if it's not done quite when I want it to be. I want to not be stressed when we get closer to the baby because I know that the less stressed I am and the less I have on my plate the better things tend to go. When I add schooling,
Dr. appointments, and just plain old general life to my lists, I know we will never be bored!!!!
So, I am looking forward to how everything is going to continue to go!

So excited!

2011-08-06T12:38:00.003-05:00

I am a big fan of the resources at Doorposts and was very excited to see that they were promoting the book Loving the Little Years at their blog as well as having a give away for the book. I was even more excited to find out that I was the winner chosen!!! I have been eying that book for some time since my dear sister in law first sent me an article from the Desising God blog. There are so many times that it is easy to be discouraged in mothering when you have so many little ones. And yet, as a mother, serving and loving your children is one of the most important ministries we've been given by God. I am looking forward to the encouragement reading this book will give me especially as I seek to serve God by ministering to those closest to me- by husband and my children. I also want to share with you the article that first sparked my interest in this book...enjoy!
Motherhood as a mission field by Rachel Jankovic

18 Weeks and counting!

2011-07-27T18:30:00.002-05:00

I cannot believe that I am almost half way through this pregnancy! The Lord has been so good to me during this season. While I feel stretching a lot more and sometimes ache more, I have been feeling okay. I am excited that we will be seeing our precious baby again next week and Lord willing, we will find out the gender. I know December seems like such a long ways away, but it will come faster than I know and there will be much to do before we meet this little one!
We are into our second week of school and while the kids are doing well, it has still been really busy as I am watching my friend's son while she gets ready for Bible school and Monday and Tuesday I had 2 extra kids for part of the day. So, it has been a busy week. I must say, I am getting more tired as the week is going on, but I need to keep up for another 8-10 days before we will have a little break! I am hoping we will still stay up on school good and will be ahead when our little one arrives in December.
My husband and I have really been praying about quite a few things regarding our family. The Lord has been challenging our convictions regarding the best ways to minister and disciple our children. We have been challenged by the fact that as we study God's Word, we see more and more God's instruction to parents in this area. We want to make sure that we are allowing influences to influence our children that are in line with our family's goals and the convictions and teaching we are seeking to instill in them within our home. We are seeking to change some of the things we are involved in to better fit our convictions and honestly it sometimes feels like a scary step because I am sure we will meet opposition. I don't know exactly where the Lord is taking us, but I am praying it is a direction that makes God's glory more known in our family's life and in the lives of those that we may influence.
It is really going to be interesting to see what happens the next few weeks and months as we seek to honor the Lord.

Gifts and Grace

2011-07-13T11:59:00.002-05:00

Weeks have been rapidly flying by here in our household. We finished school in June and have had a few weeks off, but beginning next week, we will have our new school year begin. I can hardly believe Ana will be in 4th grade and Lil will be in 2nd grade. As E-baby will not be 5 until the end of September we will not be doing Kindergarten with him this year, but will continue to do the preschool program we are currently working on. I am looking forward to seeing how God's grace will be at work in my life and the children's lives as we journey through another school year. I really have some goals I would like to see accomplished, however, I am praying mostly for God's goals to be accomplished in the lives of each one in our family.
A few weeks ago, we were up visiting my family and I was able to finish the book, "One thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. I can't begin to tell you how much this book challenged, encouraged, convicted, and humbled me. I often do not look for the gifts or even God as I am going throughout my day. I usually focus on either the good or the bad. I have been challenged to turn my life into a daily focus on Thanksgiving and seeking to see God's grace in each circumstance I face. I want my life to be a mirror of Christlikeness and I am convinced that one of the key focus's of life need to be Thankfulness. I am praying for the Lord to continue to direct my ways and paths and that He would lead me daily in the Truth of His Word.
God's grace has been continued to be magnified through the gift of our 6th child. I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and things are going quite smoothly. I have another appointment next week which is the same gestation when we lost our first son, Nathan Joel. I am anxious to have that over with... We have our next ultrasound in 3 weeks! I am looking forward to seeing our precious baby again and hopefully finding out which gender this baby will be! I really don't care if it's a boy or a girl, although we have done things in 2's so a girl would be neat, but a boy would be good because it seems like I do better carrying boys. Either way, we will see when we go! I am getting more and more used to the idea of having 6, although I am still nervous about trying to get a new vehicle and schooling this year. I know the Lord has it all worked out...it's just hard for me, the constant worrier to let my "controling nature" go on the wayside and trust God will provide. I am again, learning to trust in a new way, and I am excited to see how God will work.
That is all I have to share now, Looking forward to seeing what the Lord has in store next.

May 19th, 2011

2011-05-19T18:01:00.003-05:00

Today I had the privilege of seeing baby #6 today. I found myself quite nervous over the whole thing. I didn't know what my Dr. would say as he had told us we should maybe be done after our last pregnancy. However, he was great. Kind, friendly, and thoughtful encouraging. I know it will still be a risky pregnancy, but I do feel good having a good physician looking out for me.
We were able to see our little peanut today. We have an official due date of January 7th,2012. Although we will most likely not even see that date (my Dr. talked more like before Christmas or maybe after if my body behaves!), I am so grateful to have a good idea of how this baby is growing. We also were able to see a great heartbeat of 131 bpm at 6 weeks 5 days. That was so relieving to see the little heart beating. It also made is seem all the more real. I saw the little life God is knitting together in my womb~ alive and well as of today. It makes me get a little more excited about adding #6 to our family. The kids are thrilled and were happy to hear our baby is doing well right now. I am anxious to see what is next. I go back in for a recheck in two weeks. Lord willing, our precious baby will be doing well at that visit and we will see him or her growing well!

A Week

2011-05-06T04:57:00.002-05:00

It has been just over a week since receiving the news of our latest pregnancy. I must admit that it is starting to sink in. Another little life to train for the glory of God. It is quite a daunting thought to add another to our mix, and yet there is starting to be some excitement when I think of another little one! Reality has set in as I have gotten some blood work done. My labs have looked great and everything is moving like it should! It makes the reality of it even greater.
I am excited to get my due date figured out. My dates are out of whack....while they said I am due around 12/26, I believe my due date is more like the 4th of January. I don't know if they will do an ultrasound to date me or what, but it looks like either way, we will be ending our 2011 year with a new baby. It's kind of amusing that our "last" baby will cause our patterns to be a little messed up! So far, all of our babies have been born on even years (2002,2004,2006,2008,2010) and this baby will be in 2011. It will be the "odd" one out...hehehe!
Last Saturday night, as I was still in panic mode regarding this pregnancy, the Lord laid on my heart the hymn "In Heavenly Love Abiding". This will be my pregnancy hymn focus for this pregnancy. Having a hymn to mediate on has been a "thing" of mine since my pregnancy with Nathan in 2005. I had already had an early birth in 2004, and had miscarried in March of 2005. I wanted a song to focus on and so I chose "Like a River Glorious". When I miscarried Nathan in September, I never realized how much that hymn would encourage me in his loss as it did while I carried him. So, I decided to meditate on hymns during my pregnancies. Ethan's hymn was "All that Thrills My Soul is Jesus", Ioan's was "All the Way my Savior Leads Me", Sophie's was "How Firm a Foundation". All these hymns have such special meanings to me. They have encouraged my heart even while I have the many anxieties of a high risk pregnancy. They help me focus on what I need to ~ the Lord and truths from His Word. So, we will see how this pregnancy goes...but my focus will be abiding in Him.

"v. 1 In Heavenly love abiding, no change my heart shall fear,
And safe is such confiding for nothing changes here.
The storm may roar without me, my heart may low be laid
But God is round about me, and can I be dismayed?

vs. 2 Wherever He may guide me, no want shall turn me back
My Shepherd is beside me and nothing can I lack
His wisdom ever waketh, His sight is never dim
He knows the way He taketh and I will walk with Him.

vs. 3 Green pastures are before me which yet I have not seen
Bright skies will soon be o'er me where darkest clouds have been
My hope I cannot measure, my path to life is free
My Savior has my treasure, and He will walk with me."

Shocked

2011-04-29T06:26:00.002-05:00

That is the only word that I can think of to describe the feeling I am experiencing right now. I am trying so hard to not be fretful, but I really can't believe it!
What, you may be asking? Well, last night I passed a test I was most certainly not planning on passing anytime in the near future...however the Lord has other plans than I do. So, we are expecting our newest blessing sometime around Christmas!
So, now to pray for a song for focusing on and Scripture to meditate on.

31 Days to Clean

2011-04-28T08:49:00.003-05:00

I didn't realize I needed to post about this book, but I am soooo excited at the idea of being able to try this out...the book is reasonably priced and I think would be great for anyone up for the challenge of getting a clean home, but also a vision for having a God honoring home! Hoping I will be able to get it and look forward to following the challenge in the month of May. If you are interested...follow the link!

http://www.31daystoclean.com/

"Mercies in Disguise"

2011-03-13T13:38:00.004-05:00

Thoughtful meditations these days. I don't know what my deal is, but I really have had so many great things happen in the last few days. My sweet sister, Angela, delivered her second son, Owen Augustine, on Wednesday. We sure rejoice over this new little life, and pray that he will grow to love the Savior! My sister did great...I only wish I was there to love on him and kiss his sweet face!
This past week marked 6 months since Tobin went to be the Lord. While I grieved along with my sister in that his presence is greatly missed, I rejoiced that the Lord has opened her womb once again. We are certainly praying for health for this little one, and I look forward with anticipation to celebrating this child's birth in the fall. We will continue to miss Tobin and look forward to the day "He will wipe our tears" and we will get to know him.
Despite all these wonderful things, I can't put my finger on why I still feel sorrow. It is so puzzling. I have certainly seen so many great blessings lately in the lives of my family and even in my own life. Yesterday, I heard the song "Blessings" by Laura Story. I literally wept. Here are the words to "Blessings" by Laura Story~

"We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

(Chorus)
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
As long as we have faith to believe

Chorus

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Chorus

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise"

Laura Story's testimony on this song was so neat to hear. I found myself echoing her sentiments. It is certainly easy to talk about blessings when things are good. We know God is sovereign; we know with-holds no good thing from His children. Yet, when we experience sorrow or difficult circumstances, we do not say, "Hey! See how God is blessing me!" Often times we question what we have done to deserve this (questioning if we are sinning or not), we get angry at God, we declare He cannot love us because He is not giving what we deem is "good", ....and the list goes on. I am learning (and perhaps this is why I weep) that my good is often what God brings in difficulty. I am learning to see Him in all things. I am growing more and more thirsty for His presence and my eternal home. Do I see this all the time? Absolutely not! That is what makes me more grateful than ever for His grace and His hand constantly leading, guiding, and forgiving.
Today ~ I pray: Father teach me more of You each day, be it joys or trials. Mold me more into Your likeness...Give me a thirst for You....Give me a view of Your mercy and grace which is often disguised by "rain and tears".....Remind me daily that each joy as well as difficulty is a way you are seeking to bless........................................................

A New Resolve

2011-03-06T13:50:00.003-05:00

So, I have so many thoughts moving through my head today. The only way I feel I can process them is to write them out...so if you dare to brave the workings of my mind...read on.
Yesterday I had a very wonderful, sweet, challenging conversation with my husband. I am so grateful for his encouragement and listening ear this week as I have worked to process thoughts in my mind. I must admit to feeling quite grouchy this week. I do think some of it is exhaustion with sickness in our home, some is due to the emotions I have experienced the past few weeks, and some is realizing I desperately need to make some changes in my life and not really, truly wanting to make them. As I talked with Andy, I realized (once again...I am such a slow learner) that I am being driven by the "Tyranny of the Urgent". (This phrase is taken from a little booklet I read a year ago and I must pull out and read again.) I am one who is a.) a people pleaser, b.) driven often by emotion, and c.) driven by passion (and not always the best passion!). I love the Lord. I want to please Him. I also want to meet every single need that is brought to my attention or that enters my door. I can't even begin to tell you how often I am confronted by needs of others be it Andy, my children, friends, family, you name it! And quite frankly, I am exhausted! This week really showed how the "urgent" has really dictated my life. One day, I had so many needs/ responsibilities, I felt my sanity leaving me! Unfortunately, I did not respond in a way that was Christ- exalting or gospel oriented. I complained. I whined. My tongue was not under the Spirit's direction, but rather under the control of my sinful, fleshy self. It was not beautiful. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who, though he had to receive the brunt of my words, listened and then wisely pointed out a solution.
I have a white board in my kitchen. Quite frankly, it is my third hand and sometimes my only brain. On it, are prayer requests (not all, but a few), our schedule, upcoming events, and very quickly written down notes. In all seriousness, if it is not on that board, it is probably forgotten until it is brought to my attention again and, hopefully, added to that board. My husband pointed out that it doesn't contain my priorities. I am not being driven by what God has placed in my life to be the grid each area of my life must go through. He encouraged me to put my priority list on the board. He added to put what the Lord has placed on my heart to accomplish for that day and then if something else comes up, if it fits-ok- and if not-I must choose to let it go. Now, let me clairfy, I do believe in Providential hindering. God can change what I am doing on a particular day....He can show me what I need to do. However, I do believe that God desires us to do some "planning" to a certain degree. Planning so we are organized, so we are redeeming each precious moment/minute for His glory and honor. I have NOT been doing such a hot job on the redeeming of my time. I start out with a plan, but when someone else comes (most often it is not my husband or children) and they have a "plan" for me, I am often swayed and then struggling because I didn't accomplish what needed to be done. I don't know if I am making any sense, but anyway. So, my new resolve: Prayerfully seek out what God wants me to accomplish based on the priorities He has revealed to me each day. It is going to look alittle bit like this:
1. EACH DAY WILL HAVE A FOCUS:
For example: Monday=laundry focus
Tuesday= kitchen focus
Wednesday= planning/scheduling focus
Thursday = ministering out of my home (shopping/ visiting/ Mom's group)
Friday = major cleaning in prep for the weekend
Saturday = rest/ family fun / various projects
Sunday = worship/ encouragement of others/ rest
That is not a complete list or even what it for sure is, but for example.

2. EACH ACTIVITY I PLAN TO ENGAGE IN WILL FILTER THROUGH MY PRIORITIES:
a. My relationship with the Lord
~praying
~Scripture memory
~Bible Study
~Practicing His presence and seeking to worship Him throughout my tasks

b. My relationship with Andy
~ does this build or hinder my relationship with him
~ will this hinder my energies that ought to be used to minster/ encourage him
~ am I seeking to Love him only after the Lord and above all other earthly relationships.

c. My relationship with my children
~ does this hinder or help me accomplish my responsibility to bring them up in the "discipline and instruction of the Lord"
~ does this hinder the choice Andy and I have made for me to teach and educate our children
~ am I seeking to Love my children only after the Lord and Andy but above all other earthly relationships

d. My home
~ does this take away from my primary ministry to my home which includes the caring for Andy and the kids as well as making our home a place where Christ is seen to all who enter.
~ does this drain my energies to demonstrate the gospel in my home

e. Others
~Is this something that Christ desires to use to encourage my family or friends

These are not complete, but some of the questions/ thoughts I need to think through.

3. I will work on being gracious but bold when confronted with things/ministries that conflict with greater priorities.
I am not very bold when it comes to insisting I can't do something or when saying no. As Andy and I talked, I realized that I feel like saying "no" or "I really can't today" is mean when in fact it is not, especially if done in a loving and gracious manner. I am determined to really seek to be gracious and yet insistent when I need to be. This will be very difficult for me because I am driven sometimes by guilt when I say no and always evaluate and rehash things in my mind. I am praying the Lord will work on my heart and spirit to be wise in my dealings especially with others.
Anyway, these are some of my rambling thoughts. I am praying the Lord will continue to grow me into being the woman He desires me to be.

Ponderings on this the First Day of March

2011-03-01T13:51:00.004-05:00

Today, we begin the third month of the year! I can't believe how fast this year is already going! So much is going on and happening in our little home, I must journal a little today.
We are schooling the best we can with all of our sicknesses. My poor Lillian was sick for her birthday yesterday...and yet she still had a smile! I have decided to give up trying to catch up and concluded we will just school as long as we have to in the summer and we will probably start our next school year early to aid in our schooling for next year...apparently we like to be sick all the time in the winter and I need to consider that in our homeschooling. We are loving Sonlight and are working through both the Core 1 and Core 3. I have purchased school for next year and have Lillian completely done and am getting close to being done with Ariana's. I am currently working on our Bible we will be beginning this month. We have been working on memorizing I Corinthians 13 and are learning more and more about loving one another in Word and Deed. We also desire for our children to have a basic understanding of doctrine and are preparing to teach them catechism. I am utilizing a few resources in teaching them this: 1. Studying God's Word Book B 2. Big Truths for Little Kids by Susan Hunt 3. the c.d. "Why Can't I see God?" by Judy Rogers. As we go through these books and discuss the truths found in these, I am hoping to help lay the foundation for them to know God and love Him. Now I am completely aware of the fact that they will not love God without Him working in their lives ("We love Him because He first loved us!"), but I am praying the Lord will bless our meager efforts to teach them. I am looking forward to learning myself!
Sophie is 8 and a half months old and already pulling up and trying to walk along furniture. I can't believe our baby is that big! I am looking forward to continuing to watch her grow and pray she will love Jesus more and more!
I am currently reading a book entitled, Family Driven Faith (link on sidebar). I am loving this book. It has really challenged me to focus on the main things when teaching my children. It is a good read so far...and I am planning to share more as I keep on going through it...
Well, I must say, good-bye for now...more later!

Seasons of Sorrow

2011-02-23T15:11:00.002-05:00

These past 8 and a half months have seemed to be some of the hardest months for me as well as for those around me. Each week, it seems like more and more often difficult circumstances overwhelm the positives. However, I do see God teaching me so much.
I am currently reading a few books, and one of them is the book The Sacred Sorrow by Michael Card. If you have not read it, it really is a "must read" if you want to really expand and grow in your worship of the Lord. I have been reading about Job and have been reminded of the struggle he experienced throughout his season of trials. I was reminded of his initial response to the "bad news" he received ~ he worshiped God. So many times, my initial response is not worship. It is more often sorrow and pity. As I read this book, I am reminded of another book entitled The misery of Job and the Mercy of God by John Piper, which I currently have lent out. But that book too, reminded me often of God's Sovereignty even in Job's sorrows.
Today I found an article I printed off many many years ago before I was even married. In it, I was reminded of the fact that "Whatever happens is assigned...Every assignment is measured and controlled for my eternal good." ~ Elisabeth Elliot So many times we talk about the "blessings" God has given us, but we don't like to see the sorrow's as something give to us lovingly from His hand. As the old hymn says, "Every joy or trial, falleth from above. Placed upon our dial by the Son of Love...." ~ "Like a River Glorious" As the article continues, "A quiet heart is content with what God gives. It is enough. All is grace.....My assignment entails my willing acceptance of my portion....We can only know that Eternal Love is wiser than we, and we bow in adoration of that loving wisdom." ~ Elisabeth Elliot. I do think, often, that accepting the things God has given as "my portion" is often very challenging. I don't always like the things God has placed in my life. But I am learning that joy is truly found in focusing on God and His character and less on the circumstances surrounding me. Not even the foolishness of "comparing my lot" to another's lot, will dim the struggles surrounding me. Only the knowledge of Who God is and the quietness that comes from submitting my will to His. And as the article concludes, "The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances." ~ Elisabeth Elliot. I am continually aware of my need of Christ, these days. I want more of Him; less of me. Most days, I feel I get in my own way. Praise God for Christ...praise God for His molding me more into His character. Praise God for mercy and Grace.
So, today, as I meditate on the aspect of worship and God's character, I am reminded that all is in His hand. He assigns my portion and lot. And in Him, I can rest and stand secure.

Day by Day by Karolina W. Sandell-Berg

Day by day, and with each passing moment,
Strength I find, to meet my trials here;
Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure
Gives unto each day what He deems best—
Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
Mingling toil with peace and rest.
Every day, the Lord Himself is near me
With a special mercy for each hour;
All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
He Whose Name is Counselor and Pow’r.
The protection of His child and treasure
Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
“As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
This the pledge to me He made.
Help me then in every tribulation
So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation
Offered me within Thy holy Word.
Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E’er to take, as from a father’s hand,
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
Till I reach the promised land.

Ponderings

2011-01-29T15:37:00.003-05:00

So, this week was quite busy. We have had quite a bit of sickness in our home this week. Though, the boys are doing well today, Sophie is still struggling quite a bit. She now has a cough and I am praying that we will see her healthy very very soon.
I was able to order our school books already! I always enjoy purchasing our school and getting planning on it! It is busy keeping up with 5 little ones, and last year, when I was pregnant with Sophie, I had everything planned through Christmas. It really helped with our crazy fall schedule to have it all planned out and the kids have done extremely well so far. They are keeping up with their school work and all is planned through the rest of the school year. I am very obsessive about being ahead when it comes to things to do and it has helped to be so prepared when crazy things happen....and in our house crazy happens often!
In my devotion for today, John Piper talked about "Starving for the Greatness of God". I really do believe that so often we neglect God Himself when we talk about things relevant for today. I love the last paragraph ~ " The greatness and the glory of God are relevant. It does not matter if surveys turn up a list of perceived needs that does not include the supreme greatness of the sovereign God of grace. That is the deepest need. People are starving for God." We do need God. We do seek desperately to know Him. It is His presence we need everyday of our life. O, for more of the Father that we might see even a glimpse of His greatness.

My Faithful One!

2011-01-27T21:14:00.002-05:00

So, this week has been quite interesting. We started our week coming off of a conference my husband and I help at every year. It was a bit interesting as we had the youngest 2 with us ~ Sophie by default because she needs to nurse and Ioan because our babysitter had to travel to a funeral in Florida. We really had a great time....and the speaker was excellent. I was able to hear the last two main sessions and the session for women. The main speaker spoke on one of my favorite Psalms~ the 73rd. I was greatly encouraged by the Word and the fellowship with other believers and friends.
Monday, I was a wee bit on the stressed side. After a crazy Sunday (not unusual), I began our crazy week with an extra child (my friend was away for a family member's death) and was not doing well. As I felt the stress rising, the Lord brought to mind a verse that had been important to me years ago....
"From the ends of the earth I cry out to Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
I vowed to find the reference for it and during supper prep, I was able to discover it's location- Psalm 61. As I read that psalm, as well as the one following, the Lord spoke to my heart and encouraged my spirit. That night, as I prepared for bed, I read out of my devotional for the year. It is an excellent devotional called "How Great Thou Art" and is a devotional on God and His character. I have greatly enjoyed it so far this year. As I read the devotion for the day, I glanced across the page and was delighted to see that the verse the Lord had impressed on my heart was the same one for the next day's devotion.
As a mother of young children (many young children), it can seem difficult to find good times to study the Word of the Lord. While I can read books with chaos ensuing, I cannot focus for longer than 5 minutes sometimes on a particular passage. While I was single and even in the earlier days of mothering, I was able to spend hours studying and praying. This week, I was reminded that God uses His Word in our lives. I have often thought of the verse (reference not currently in my head) in the Old Testament where it talks about God dealing graciously with those with young. As a young mother with young children, I am greatly encouraged with that truth ~ God will pour grace on my life and minister to my weary spirit with the Word that He has rooted in my life. Monday morning, I wept as I sought to sing the song "Faithful One". Oh, what truth in the words- God is truly Faithful. Faithful in pouring Grace. Faithful in comforting a weary Mother's heart. Faithful in bringing about His glory in my life. Praise be to the Rock. My Mighty Fortress. My Faithful One.

Another year gone by....

2011-01-11T19:49:00.003-05:00

Wow, I can hardly believe that I am never on this blog anymore. Life has sped up at a pace that keeps me never slowing down. I have a great desire this year to document/ journal more and thought...well let's pull up that old blog and give it a go! So, here I am. The last year + has been filled with more change and craziness than I care to have. The last 7 months especially have been crazy one's for me.
After experiencing my 4th miscarriage in the summer of '09, we found out in the fall that we were again expecting. I was beyond thrilled, and it began such an up and down journey. Two of my sister in laws were expecting as well and I was so excited to join them! One of them, sadly lost that pregnancy just as I had found out I was expecting. It was such a difficult experience carrying my baby while she grieved her child. I experienced such conflicting emotions for the remainder of my pregnancy- struggling between joy for my child and grieving for her. My pregnancy also carried a lot of difficulties with it, and on June 10th, after struggling with high blood pressure and various other problems, we delivered our fifth child and third girl. While her birth was surrounded with some concerns for my health, it carried the joy of my sister in law sharing news of another baby for her! It really helped me as I worried for her as we held our precious blessing. However, this uninhibited joy would be short as 4 days later my dad has a minor surgery that caused more problems than it helped, it seemed, and my precious sister learned the day after dad's surgery that the precious babe she carried had some alerting problems. This would bring even greater struggle for me and our family in the next months as we worried, waited, grieved, and buried a precious baby boy. Watching the Lord's strength in my sister's life has been one of the most amazing things to see. While we sorrow and grieve, still she demonstrates such belief and trust in the goodness of the Lord. She has become someone I look up to and pray that my faith will grow even as hers has.
So, that has summed up most of what has happened minus the bouts with strep throat, the tonsillectomy of my two-year old, and the various other minor details of our life. Hopefully, I will keep up this year in sharing what I am learning as well as changes in our family. Who knows what the Lord has in store for us this year....

Almost a Year!

2009-08-25T13:08:00.002-05:00

It's almost been a year without any blogging. We have had an incredible amount of illnesses this year...and I am hoping we will see health for a while! We still have 4 busy children and life has added some changes here recently that arn't very pleasant for me but are exciting for others...and so I am anxious to see what the Lord is going to do.
We have started a new curriculum this year called "Tapestry of Grace" and we are in our second week of school. Ariana is in second grade and Lillian is in Kindergarten. It's crazy. Ethan and Ioan keep me busy with their energy and joy! I sure am enjoying being a mom!
The Lord has really been challenging my heart about really seeking to reach my children's hearts for Him and not just looking for outward obedience. Between recieving emails as well as reading and studying various things, I have been reminded that God doesn't just want my actions..He wants my Heart! I admit, my heart has been overwhelmed and down over various things in the last year. Illnesses have made me exhausted, changes haven't always been good, and my relationships have had struggles. I know my heart has been heavy and weary and often I feel like I am crying out for help with not much of a response. Yet, in the midst of it all, I am reminded... God is good. God is here. He is my refuge and my strength. When I seek to do things my way or rely on my actions to accomplish something...I get weary and I fail. It truly is about the heart. Change in actions and attitude can only come about with Him changing my heart. And that can only happen when I humble myself and submit to His working in my life. I have found myself instead saying, "God renew my heart!" rather than just trying to "do" what I think I should or what others say I should be doing. As God said in Ezekiel - " And I will give you a new hear, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spririt within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules." It needs to be a heart change first if I want to change my actions and attitudes.
As I have thought about that, it has made me view other aspects of my life differently. Do I want to see my children happy and obedient? YES! It starts with me supbmitting my heart to God and allowing Him to lead and direct me in my parenting. It requires discipline that is focused on God and His Word more and focusing on my desires less. It is dealing with the heart of each matter as the focal point and not just the actions. It means things are sometimes more time consuming than I want. However, I know the results will be greater. Lord willing, it means my children's hearts will be directed more to Him and less to me.
It also means that as I encourage friends and others God has given me to minister to in my home, that His Word is my focus and not my opinion. It means less rules and more relationship. Rules only focus on outward actions; relationships require workings of the heart.
For me, do I want to be God's kind of woman, wife, and mother? YES, YES, YES!!! Than it is less about what I am doing and more about what I am and what God is doing in me.
Is it easy? NO Can I do it? Not in and of myself. But God can do it! And as He changes my heart, Lord willing, I will be used of Him to encourage change in my children and others as God brings them into my life. Not because there are rules to follow, but because there is a God whose glory will be desplayed as He fills hearts and lives.

Long time ago, but not so far away....

2008-10-28T18:59:00.004-05:00

...I had more time to blog. Mind you it wasn't a ton of time, but it was more time. These days, life is sooo busy I don't know where the time has flown. Ioan is 5 months old and has 2 teeth (they just came in on Sunday!!!), Ariana is 6 years old and in 1st grade, Lillian is growing by leaps and bounds...some of her clothes are no longer fitting her reminding me that I need to pull out the next size, and Ethan...well my little man can count to 10 and has more energy than his momma! I have been busy with household and all that that entails. We are busy.
In the midst of this busyness, I was able to sneak away for a few days and attend the

True Woman's conference

( I am sooo illiterate when it comes to links...forgive me!) in Chicago. It was amazing. It was sometimes hard to listen to the messages due to a little Ioan, but what I heard challenged me, showed me areas I was failing as a wife and mother, and encouraged me in becoming more of the woman Christ desires me to be. I know that God wants to change me. I know that I need encouragement to be more of who He wants me to be. I want to change. So, I have started the

30 day makeover

and have been greatly blessed and encouraged in who I am as God's woman. It really is counter to what we hear in tv, media, from those following the culture, and even counter to what we hear in many of our churches. We are not being taught, encouraged, or trained in how to be God's kind of woman. I know that I have been blessed with much encouragement throughout much of my life to be the kind of woman God would have me to be. I was greatly privilaged to live in Thailand with a woman who for a little over 3 months had daily impact and taught me ways to be God's kind of woman and wife as I looked ahead to my marriage to Andy. I have been privilaged to read great books on God's perspective on womanhood and marriage. And yet, I am constantly faced and hear things that are contrary to what I know God has called women to. The teens that I work with are constantly facing and hearing things contrary to God's perspective in school, on tv, and from others. They are hearing these things and yet are not being trained in the area of Biblical womanhood.
One thing that has strenghtend my desire to learn and train others in Biblical womanhood (especially my daughters!) is my reading of the book

Women's Ministry in the Local Church. This book, although I am only in the beginning of it, has already challenged my thinking. It is a theology book for what training and teaching Biblical womanhood is of great importance. I have been challenged with that, and with the 30 day challenge, to revamp my thinking in reguards to my life and my calling. I have been called by God to be His kind of woman, I have been called by God to be His kind of wife, I have been called by God to be His kind of mother, I have been called by God to manage and care for my home. I have been called to be an encouragement to others, especially to other women and young ladies. In all these areas I have been called to display His gosepel and glory. These are the areas I know based on His word that I have been called to do. Everything else...is extra. It is above and beyond the basic calling of God on my life. As I have looked into my life and peered into it, I have come to this conclusion- I am not living out God's call on my life in a way that brings Christ and His gospel honor and glory. This careful consideration has caused me to re-evaluate my life and what I am doing. I have been pricked in my spirit to make changes. Some I have made; others I fear making the change. Why? Ultimately, it's due to my pride- and that is something the Lord has been bringing down as He convicts my heart. I fear people. I fear what others think sometimes. I fear being thought of in a negative way- I hate even the feeling like someone is displeased with me. However, I am learning that until I make Christ my focus and until I make His glory and Name my ultimate desire, until I make His pleasure my delight, I will not be able to be the woman He wants me to be. I need His Spirit to change and soften my heart so that I will display His glory in my life.

So, this is what I have been learning. This is what has been challenging my heart. I pray that I will be the kind of wife who brings glory to God by being a godly wife to Andy and mother to my children so they too will see Christ.

Now there are six!

2008-06-07T20:30:00.003-05:00

Yup, we have now become a family of six! Crazy!!! We welcomed Ioan (pronounced Yo-an) William on May 22nd at 4:36pm weighing in at 7lb. 9oz and being 20 in. long. I was induced one day shy of 39 weeks and I am sooo glad they induced me. After weeks of contracting every 3-5 minutes and being in a great deal of pain, I was ready to meet Ioan. We arrived at the hospital around 6am and we began our induction. It was quite an eventful day for our little hospital- 6 babies were born that day! My OB was very busy. We were started on Pitocin around 7:30am, my water was broken around 11:30am, I got my epidural (which I am sooo glad that I got ) around 3pm, found out I was an 8 at 4pm, called a few friends around 4:15pm to let them know that Ioan would probably be arriving in an hour or so, and started pushing around 4:30pm and delivered at 4:36pm. It was a very fast delivery. Really almost too fast as I tore quite badly. I had a second degree tear up (it is not too common to tear up) and still tore down. I also burst a blood vessel which bled terribly and caused alot of problems! (Still is causing problems!) However, we are grateful Ioan is here and I am healing okay. We definitely have had some rough and busy couple of weeks since his birth. I had alot of blood loss and was quite anemic when I left the hospital. I am taking iron and eating yummy spinach salads and still struggling. When I saw the doctor this week he informed me that I would take a few months to return to normal. The blood loss has also caused me to have a low milk supply. After pumping after each feeding and nursing every two hours (a process that has taken an hour!), I am seeing an impovement in my milk supply and Ioan is finally starting to gain weight. (At a week and a half Ioan weighed in at 6lb. 11oz. and by the end of the week had gained 4 oz! I was impressed, but my lactation consultant wasn't completely impressed!) I am praying he will continue to grow. I have noticed an increase in his eating and in his sucking, so I am hoping we will be problem free from here on out!

All the kids are loving him. I am finding that being a mom of four is much busier now than with three, but nursing makes life busy! I am so grateful the Lord blessed us with Ioan and I pray that He will use us to train Ioan to be like Christ! I am overwhelmed by his grace in our lives and ask that you would pray that I would recieve an abundance of grace as I am tired and worn out and struggle with patience with my 3 busy children.

Well, I am tired, and that is all I have time to write! Here are some pictures for your enjoyment.

Ariana and Lillian love their little baby brother!!!!

Our blessing from the Lord! "Behold, children are an heritage from the Lord and the fruit of the womb a reward!!!!" Psalm 127

Counting Down the Days

2008-05-14T20:07:00.003-05:00

Yes, if you've noticed my sidebar, I am nearing the end of what has been a very uneventful pregnancy thus far! I am so grateful to the Lord for the good pregnancy He's allowed me to have and I am anxious to see what He is going to do through the labor and delivery of this little one! We have until next Thursday to go on our own, and then Thursday morning, we will have an induction! So, next week, Ioan will join our family and we will see what he looks like!!! I am soooo excited for his arrival.
These last few weeks have been uncomfortable, but I must say filled with fun and excitement! We never have a dull moment in our home. Our washer is currently out of commission, so I've had opportunities to visit others to do my laundry (Thanks Julie!). We've had soccer games and practices, babies to cuddle, and family come to visit for a shower that a friend gave me. It was so nice to relax with friends and family and to anticipate Ioan comming. I recieved some nice things which I really appreciated because Ioan is comming in a different season than Ethan, so I have been in need of some things. It sure was fun and such an encouragement to me.
Well, I have more I could write, but I have a headache and am tired. I hopefully will write again before Ioan's arrival, if not, next will be fun news!!!!

Pray

2008-04-12T07:25:00.003-05:00

A week ago was a day of rejoicing and sorrow for me. Rejoicing with

my sister in law who delivered a healthy baby boy! We were sooo anxious and excited to meet this little one! It was such a fun day of rejoicing.
After we returned home from seeing little Josiah, I checked on the

website of a family whom I have been praying for for quite a few months. I was grieved to read that little Ethan went home to be with the Lord that morning. I wept for this family and the loss of such a sweet and precious boy. Today is the rememberance Ethan's homegoing and I would appreciate the prayers of any and all who read who will think of Ethan's parents, Ben and Becky, and the family who awaits to be joined again with him one day in heaven.

The birth of Josiah and the homegoing of Ethan has been a reminder to me of the soverignty of the Lord in all of life. He holds each one in His hand and He knows the days of our lives. (Ps. 139) I am so grateful and humbled to know that He holds my life and my children's life and no matter how I try to hold on tightly to them, everything is out of my hands because they really aren't mine- they are His! I am continually reminded to daily surrender my husband and children to the Lord to be used for Him and to be completely His.
For a short update about me, I am currently 33 weeks pregnant! Yeah! We are looking forward to little Ioan's arrival here very very soon! I didn't go to my due date with my last pregnancy due to my complicated OB history and don't know if they will consider letting me go til I go. (I have never gone into labor on my own. I have always been induced or c-section) Being I will be a VBAC (providing this baby turns), I am somewhat more comfortable with the thought of induction so they can watch me closely. But, the Lord knows and hopefully within the next 4-7 weeks we will meet this precious baby!

(Just a note. I am incredibly computer unsaavy and don't know how to do much so hopefully my links arn't too silly looking!!!)

Cloth Diapers, illnesses, and Ioan

2008-02-27T08:33:00.002-05:00

Things have been crazy our household the last few weeks! After 3 weeks of the flu in January, I was hoping for a healthy February, but that was not the Lord's plan for us. My dear, sweet Lillybug ran a high fever for almost a week and then was fine, but the next week, E-baby ran one will the chills while visiting my family in Michigan. We cut the visit short and took him in to the doctor's at home and he had a throat infection. Last week, Ana-bee was diagnosed with strep and Lillybug was diagnosed with the same 2 days later. So, while we spend time preparing for Lillybug's first official birthday (one of the perks of being born on leap-year), we are catching up on school and recovering from busy, sick weeks.
Added to our fun, I've been trying out cloth diapering. I know this is going to sound so weird, but I really like it! I am working on figuring out how to keep my diapers bright and stain free, but overall I like it. I have a few bumgenius diapers that I really like, but just did prefolds yesterday and must admit...I dont' care for them. They are bulky and make E-baby look 3x rounder in the bum and waist which I am not crazy about. The prefolds did hold up better at night (no leaking with them, but I did have leaking with bumGenius),but for the day and nap, bumGenius is great! So, I have found more I would love to try, and the nice thing is I'm not doing this alone...my dearest Julie is doing it with me too (although, with her baby due in 6 weeks or less, she probably feels the need to find what will work best more than me!) I am looking forward to continuing my cloth diapering and providing nice things for my children, and helping save some money.
Ioan is doing well. I am currently 26 weeks 5 days pregnant and am feeling him punch my side at the moment. In the midst of reading and hearing of other's losses in the last few weeks, my heart weeps with them for I have experienced loss more times than I would have liked and yet within me I carry what to me is the hope that the Lord will once again bless our family with a child. For me, losing my other children have been testimony's of God's soverignty and faithfulness to me and my miracles are reminders that in His time He gives the best! As much as I would have loved to carry my babies to term and be enjoying them now, I would not know the blessing of our second daughter or first-born son. But losses are difficult in many ways, because I am expecting our fourth live birth, but this is my seventh pregnancy. I am expecting our second born son, but really this is my third son. It's hard, because I don't want to discount these babies but it is hard when someone asks is this your fourth. I want to shout-no, it's my seventh, but three are gone, but then you get the I'm sorry looks and I want joy over this little one. So, Ioan William (the official baby name) is very anticipated and continues to remind me that there is hope after loss and my track record doesn't indicate what will happen (So far we've had birth-loss-preterm birth-loss-second trimester loss-birth) because it is in my great God's hands. We are counting down the weeks (just over 12 at the most as my history doesn't lend to going to or past my due date) and are anxious and excited over this new life! Please continue to pray for me, I've felt very tired alot and often wonder, how am I going to do four, but I know I wouldn't trade the joy of another baby for anything!

Hope

2008-01-29T13:13:00.001-05:00

Life has been rather busy the last few weeks. We battled illness for almost 3 weeks, but we are all doing better-except for a few coughs here and there. I am starting to feel somewhat better after not getting much sleep~ just a reminder that we will join the non sleeping ranks again in a few short months!
I am really looking forward to having our son. WE have finally decided on the name Ioan (pronounced yo-an) and love praying and talking to him by name. I am praying that he will know what a precious gift of the Lord he is to us! February will be a busy month, celebrating the birth of our friend's baby as well as celebrating our Lillian's fourth birthday! She actually has a birthday this year! Sometimes, I am still in wonder over the miraculous life she has. Though she came 2 and a half months before she should have, she is healthy and doing so well. She is sometimes full of mischief, but she is also such a joy!
I am very much looking forward to time going by quickly and Ioan's arrival to come. Though, I don't want him to come too soon! My sister in law is also due 7 weeks before me, so I am hoping to enjoy her son before I am busy with another baby! Babies have always been a reminder to me of life. Sometimes we are surrounded by death and sorrow, but when one sees a precious baby, we are reminded that there is life and hope- ultimately that can be found only in Jesus. After just celebrating Christmas and seeing new babies, I have been greatly reminded of the hope in Christ. Because he came, because he died, we have the hope of eternity with Him in heaven bringing honor and glory and praise to the Father!!!! How wonderful that great hope!

Ioan or Tristian or Liam...oh my!

2008-01-11T15:03:00.000-05:00

Choosing a name for this baby is proving to be a challenge to me. I have pestered my hubby for agreeing to Ioan and he agreed last night. But now I am having second thoughts. So....any votes????

Who likes Ioan (meaning: gift of God)?
Who likes Tristan (meaning: tumult/ loud noise)?
Who likes Liam (meaning: Resolute protector (form of William))?

Help us narrow it down!!!!

New Purchase arrived today!!!!

2008-01-11T14:58:00.000-05:00

I am embarqing on a new venture. I am experimenting with cloth diapering! I just purchased my first 2 cloth diapers. They are

bumgenius

pocket cloth diapers. I am excited to try these out. I have figured that even with using a certain detergent, washing and drying them, I will still save between 500-700 dollars in one year! I am hoping that I can do this and that my experience is a good one. With our second son due in less than 5 months and still working on getting my 3 year old daugher out of diapers, I am looking forward to experimenting on this and hoping it is pleasant! So pray for me!

Pregnancy Update #5

2008-01-09T15:37:00.000-05:00

Today was ultrasound day here!!! My dear friend offered to watch Ethan, and the girls, my dear hubby, and I went to the hospital for the much anticipated ultrasound! It went great! Baby was very active and cooperated with us, and we are pleased to announce that we are expecting anther boy! I really thought we'd find out it was a girl, but I was way wrong on that front! I am excited especially for Ethan to have a playmate. The girls are 18 months apart and I love their closeness. I hope our boys, who will be 20 months apart, will share a similar closeness, although in boy fashion. We sure are blessed by the Lord and I am praying that He will continue to bless this pregnancy. I look forward to rejoicing in our son's birth in the spring!!!!

Pregnancy Update #4

2007-12-14T09:07:00.000-05:00

Wednesday, I had an ultrasound at the early hour of 8am. I admit...I've decided that early appointments are not for me..especially when we have all the highway traffic going through our small little town. However, the ultrasound went good. My cervical length was great and baby looked good. We weren't able to see the gender of the baby, so baby is still baby for now. It was sooo cute...our precious child had its hand up by its face and you could see the fingers...so small and sooo perfect. I was very relieved to see/hear the heart beating (although, I was sooo tired I can't remember what the heartrate was.)
The only negative news was the weight loss (which most women would be happy to hear about!) However, my doctor is concerned with my continual weight loss. I am finally over morning sickness, but my appetite has still not returned. I was told to eat more frequently and help my tummy get back to its original size as due to morning sickness it's probably shrunk. I am working on my attitude toward this, as I am not hungry often, and don't have an appetite. I know it's important for our baby, and I am going to try hard to do better.
I am still praying that the Lord will give me a peace and excitement for this pregnancy. I am happy to have another child, but I am still guarded in the sense that I don't want to get attached and then to lose the baby. WE have now passed the time when we lost Nathan, so I have no reason to be concerned, but I am still fearful in some ways. I know that God has this little one in His hand, but getting it from my head to my heart is a bit of a challange for me. I know He has my good in making me like Jesus and His glory in mind, and I am trying to remember that no matter what happens, these things must be at the forefront of my mind.
Our next view is January 9th, and hopefully we will find out whether we will have another girl, or another boy. I love preparing for the next baby, and I know that will boost my spirits. Until then, I have two friends awaiting the arrival of their babies any day now, and I am excited and anxious to see their waiting fulfilled! And I can't wait to hold a tiny baby again!

Pregnancy Update #3

2007-11-30T14:36:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a Dr's appointment. It went well. Baby's heartrate was in the upper 160's lower 170's range...so very very fast!!!! I am beginning to doubt my first inclination that this is a girl, because my boy heartrate was faster than my girls (usually the girls were in the 150-160 range), so I am alittle anxious to find out what this precious baby will be.
I am starting my second trimester and am doing so with some trepidation. I struggled emotionally with my first trimester miscarriages, and while I didn't have a hard time emotionally with Nathan, I am fearing a second trimester loss again. It was sooo physically hard to deal with, and with this busy season, I am quite anxious to get through it with no difficulties. Nathan's loss still seems so close (even though it was over 2 years ago) and the thought of going through it again brings fear to my heart.
This fear is coupled by my overall down spirit with this pregnancy. Part of it is probably a fear of living through loss again...I hate the thought of it. Another part is probably that I am pregnant with family and friends and want to enjoy the experience with them. Another part is the fear of doing 4 children 5 and under. There are so many thoughts in my head...sometimes they hurt! As I sat in the waiting room, I read my pregnancy journal. I read the hymn I had determined to focus on during this pregnancy and found myself crying to God to make these words a true part of my life.
"All the Way my Savior leads me what have I to ask beside
Can I doubt His tender mercies who through life has been my guide
Heavenly peace Divinest comfort here by faith in Him to dwell
For I know what 'ere befall me Jesus doeth all things well
For I know what 'ere befall me Jesus doeth all things well.

All the way my Savior leads me cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial, feeds me with the LIving bread
Though my wary steps may falter, and my soul athirst may be,
Gushing from the rock before me, lo, a spring of joy I see;
Gushing from the rock before me, lo, a spring of joy I see.

All the way my Savoir leads me; Oh, the fullness of HIs love!
Perfect rest to me is promised in my Father's house above
When my spirit, clothed immortal, wings its flight to realms of day,
This my song thro' endless ages: Jesus led me all the way
This my song thro' endless ages: Jesus led me all the way."
by Fanny Crosby

I want Jesus to satisfy me. I want Him to fill me with the spring of Joy while I am faltering. I want to see Him leading me throughout this pregnancy. Pray with me, that I will be filled with knowledge of His presence and see His hand in this pregnancy. May I be filled with the hope, peace, and joy that comes from knowing and loving such a great God!!!!

PS. Next view of this little one is in a week and a half or so! They are doing cervical checks again (though only 2 rather than 6!), so I look forward to seeing this little one again real soon!

Recent Ponderings

2007-11-19T13:12:00.000-05:00

I have soooo many thoughts going through my head...sometimes it hurts. So many things the Lord continues to put on my heart and mind. So many things I wish I had the courage and guts to say, and so many times I fail. I know God has given me a voice to be used for Him, and sometimes I feel guilt singing "Take my Life and Let it Be" because I pray "Take my lips and let them be filled with messages from Thee" and yet, when I know God is speaking to my heart...I neglect to follow. So I am going to ponder aloud on various topics that are on my heart...and I would love to hear any of you speak up as well (I pray to have a teachable spirit and an open heart for God's Word!).
Thursday night, my husband and I thoroughly enjoyed the film "Amazing Grace" the story of William Wilberforce. (As a funny siden note, I am trying to convince him that Ioan would be a great name for a son if that is what we are having...that is the name of the actor who played William Wilberforce and I was intriqued by his name...so I researched it. It means "Gift of God" and is pronounced yo-an. I love it...anyone agree with me! :) ) This movie was amazing in its account of his life. I have read only a little on his life, but want to read more as I was encouraged by the way God used him to make a difference in the lives of so many people and even the world. William struggled with how to use his life for God. Should he devote his life to the church, should he stay in politice? He wrestled with the fact that "God found Him" and what that meant in His life.
I too sometimes struggle with how I can best bring God glory. I often feel like I am overwhelmed with a million things. There are so many people God has brought into my life (some needing more time and attention than others), but how can I make the greatest impact in my life. I want to encourage other women (especially the teens with whom I spend time with) to focus on living for God, but what does that entail? What does God want for us?
I want to say that while William's life is amazing, I was impressed with his wife in the film. She served her husband and supported and cheered him. She was a balm to the sickness of his life. He was frail and she provided a great deal of health to him. Amazing what that woman could do, not because she was out rallying with him, but her service,love, and devotion to him at home impacted him in a great way. Wow! I was humbled by this.
These days there are lots of opinions and dicussions on our roles as women. Are we really called only to serve our husbands and children and those who enter our home, or can we be in leadership positions in the church or even preach if we are gifted by God in the areas of teaching and preaching? This is a huge battle among women today. Many feel like some Christians put shackles on women simply because they are women and certain things are taboo. Others are now finding so much freedom in Christ because we are equal in Him and therefore can be free to do what we feel God has called us to do (be it even preach or teach) because of the equality and love we have in Christ. What does God want for us, for me as a wife and mother, for my daughters? I believe strongly in the inerrancy of Scripture and that all things written in it are for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. (II Timothy 3:16) How does His word work out in my life?
I very strongly believe that God calls us as wives to focus first on being pleasing to Him- to love and adore Him above all else. Paul gave us an example to follow in seeking to be well pleasing to God. We are called also to be to the praise and glory of God. How can I as a wife bring honor and glory to God? Firstly, I believe by keeping His commandments. Scripture says that if we love Jesus we will obey His commands. (I John speaks alot about it as well as Jn. 15. Please note that I am not being exhaustive on this). Secondly, I believe that as a wife I bring glory to God by honoring and submitting to my husband. I love that Prov. 31 says that the virtuous woman does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life. He doesn't have anything to worry about, because he knows that his wife has his best in mind. I love the example and admonishment in Ephesians to be submissive to our husbands just as the church submits in everything. Christ is our chief just as our husbands are. (The word head in this passage means chief or master lord according to Strongs Concordance.) We are called as wives to look out for our husband's good and to submit to him in everything. (I do not believe in disobeying our Lord to follow our husband's leadership and in cases of abuse God has set up authorities such as the church and even our local, state, and federal government for protection in such cases.) I also love the example of submission in I Peter 2 and 3. Christ submitted Himself to God when treated unjustly by those who abused Him it says at the end of chapter 2, and then it says for wives to likewise submit themselves to their own husbands in everything. Wow! What a powerful picture of what we as wives need to do. What about our place of service outside of our husbands? There is also our children. As parents, we are called to train our children to be like Christ and to follow and obey Him! We are called to be teachers of our children!
I also love the Titus encouragement for what we are do do if we are godly. Older women are called to teach the younger women to "love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." God's Word is clear about what older woman are to encourage younger women in. But I ask ~Where are the older women who can train the younger ones? These character qualities are not found often in the lives of older women in the church. I find it interesting that there are inward characteristics mentioned (self-controlled, pure, kind), but there are even more inrelation to others and they have to deal with one's own home (love husband and children, work at home, submit to own husbands). What about outside the home? It is not there. It is not in I Timothy 2, I Peter 3, Proverbs 31 has her purchasing outside of the home, but everything else is home centered! If that is what is stressed to women in Scripture (loveing and serving one's husband, loveing and caring for one's children, watching over the ways of one's household, showing hospitality in ones home) why do we argue and demand that something that is not mentioned (working/serving outside of one's home) is okay and can be focused on? I mean, if we have all that we are called by God to do in a glorifying way and excellently, then doing above and beyond would be no problem in my book, because they are not mentioned in Scripture as beoing sin. But I see the family and church struggleing often to bring glory and honor to the Lord in these specific callings because if they were done well, churches and home lives would be drastically different. Families are failing (not just in the secular homes, but in the Christian homes)and churches are falling apart. I do believe part of it is our fallen sinful world, but I also believe it is because we do things God doesn't call us to do and we neglect the things He specifically calls us to focus on.
If you can't tell, I am passionate about this one! I love reading about women who made a difference in their homes, like William Wilberforce's wife and Sarah Edwards. I don't think that all those who have chosen to serve/work outside the home are sining. But I do think that there is a problem in our culture and in our churches when the home is neglected and things that are specifically spelled out in Scripture for us to do and ways for us to live are sorely neglected. We are called to reach a dying world for Christ. They will not see Christ in us if we tear down one another and we dont' start looking at God's word and live how He has called us to live. Whether it be in 70AD or 2007 AD, God's instructions do not change with the Times. Pray for me. Pray that I will seek to fulfill what God has specifically called me to first-and do it excellently-before seeking to follow something that is beyond what God has said.

True Life

2007-11-10T19:37:00.000-05:00

Today was such a fun day in our household. Our family took a field trip and headed down to the Indianapolis Children's Museum. A long drive, but soooo much fun! In our homeschooling, we just fininshed Dd Dinosaur, and so I planned a trip to the Museum to go through their Dino exibit. The girls loved it (Ethan did too, although not nearly as much) and we really enjoyed our time spent there. I would have loved to take them to the Creation Museum, but it was much further, but what we talked about made a good follow up to school!
They have an exibit about children who made a difference. They focused on Anne Frank, Ruby (can't remember her last name right now, and Ryan White. The had interactive videos and replicas of scenes from their lives and it was incredible. I began to think of all the things that these young people did, especially the fact that each one of them were discriminated against and yet, they set and example for their generation to follow. Ryan faced fear and rejection because he was given AIDS through a medical procedure when AIDS was such a new disease and yet he had such strength that was shown through the glimpses of his life. Ruby faced oppression as she was one of the first African American girls to attend an integrated school when racism was prevelant in that society. They had a neat little clip on forgiveness that I liked. She said something like praying for and forgiving people isn't for the one who needs to be forgiven, it's for the one who gives the forgiveness. I was reminded that we need to be in the habit of bestowing grace and forgiveness even to those who don't recognize the need for asking for forgiveness. We need to be quick to forgive so that we don't allow bitterness and anger to overtake us. I have really had forgiveness and our response to others on my mind alot lately. I know that it is hard to forgive sometimes, especially when people don't seem to care about asking for forgiveness, but Christ calles us to follow His example and love our enemies, do good to them, pray for them, and ultimately trust that God is the righteous judge. It's hard, really hard, but I was reminded on the importance of following this, especially as a believer in Christ, because we can make a difference in our generation by the way we live and act as well as the way we respond to the difficulties we face.
Anne Frank, I must admit, impacted me the most. I have read her diary a very long time ago, but when I think of the fear she must have faced while she and others lived in hiding, and then the fact that she lost her life really shook me in my spirit. She was an example of strength in her generation...and she was soooo young! I was reminded of the verses of Christ in Scripture that talks about us taking up our cross and following Him. If we want to find full life, we must lose our lives for Him, but if we keep following our own hearts and our own fleshly desires, we will lose our life. I want to be one who dies to myself to live life for Christ. I want my life to impact my generation and younger generations for Him. I have come to realize that means going against my feelings and my wants and even what I think should be, and instead I am comming to understand the importance of surrendering myself to the One who loved me and gave up His life that I might truly live. And that is not easy. It is not always the way "I" think things should be, but if I want joy and a life that is truly abundant, that means I need to surrender me- all of it.
So, you see, today was a great day for me. A good day for remembering that we all face struggles, we all face great hurts, we all face difficult trials, but we can be a light to our generation (and even those who are older than us) if we live the way Christ calls us to live.
Lord, may we all live lives that are surrendered completely to you and to the plan that you have given us in Your Word. Our lives and struggles are not the same, but you have given us instructions that fit each life and circumstance. May we live abundantly in You.

Pregnancy Update #2

2007-11-06T19:16:00.000-05:00

I am officially 10 and a half weeks pregnant!!! Yeah!!! I still have a few more hurdles I can't wait to cross, but over all things are progressing well.
Last Tuesday was a very busy day for me...and it really wore me out. But it was a good day, because we were able to see our baby on the ultrasound, and heard/saw a very good heartbeat! It really made me relieved to see everything look good, and I am hopeing that we will continue to see things go well.
I am starting to really think more about what life will be like when we add #4 to our family. The girls are thrilled and I must say I have enjoyed Ethan so much these days, that the thought of another little one gets me excited. Sometimes, I admit there is some nervousness as morning (all day) sickness has made my days seem long and I am exhausted alot of the time. It sometimes makes me wonder, how will I ever do 4 children! However, I look forward to the excitement and joy we will recieve from this little one.
That is all the pregnancy news I have now...I have other thoughts floating around, and hopefully I will get around to posting them.

Pregnancy Update Number 1

2007-10-04T19:10:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow is 6 weeks. I can't believe it. Two weeks ago, I found out we were expecting. Last week, I had 2 blood draws to check my hcg levels. They were going up and everything looked good. This week I had an ultrasound and we saw a gesttional sac that measured according to my dates. Then I had another blood draw today and it was very very good. I am starting to get excited a bit about the prospect of baby #4 (baby # 7 with my miscarriages...which I cannot discount). I must admit, I have been somewhat struggling with that thought. First I was seriously worried about losing this baby. I am working on controling my thought process and meditating on what is true as well as the character of God. Then I have had discouragement with my children. We've had much creativity lately in the form of lipstick on new quilt, perminate marker on my dressers, and the most exciting- Lillian's new do started by her handiwork and fixed by Daddy. It compounded the morning sickness and tiredness...but I must admit I am much better today. I am tired, but I am excited and anxious to see what teh Lord is going to do.
We had a great blessing yesterday that is worth noting. The Lord moved in someone's heart to bring us a meal...and it was a great encouragement to me and much appreciated. I know God is going to do some great things in our family during the next few weeks and months. I can't wait to see what will happen.

2007-09-22T23:22:00.001-05:00

Celebrations!!!

2007-09-21T08:39:00.000-05:00

Wow! I can't believe the time of year we are at. Today is the 50th wedding anniversary of my grandparents. I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing they are to me. They pray for me, encourage me, and live out a life that is submissive to the Lord's and the Love each other sooooo much! I hope Andy and I are that much in love when we celebrate our 50 years...if the Lord blesses us with that much time with each other! I hope so!
Then, tomorrow...tomorrow, my baby turns 1. I can't believe a year ago I was getting ready to go to the hospital the next morning to have this precious baby! I am amazed that the Lord gave me such a precious child and that He allowed Ethan to have a normal delivery, a great birth...and Ethan was my first baby to actually stay with me after he was born. I've always had my babies taken away because of complications...by I actually got to keep my baby with me! Not only that, but my mom, grandma and sister were with me and were able to encourage me while I delivered him and witness what was a miracle to me! I am amazed and astounded by the grace and mercy the Lord poured out on us as we carried and delivered this babe! Now the Lord has graciously given a year with Him. I am humbled and amazed at the greatness and mercy of our God!
I was so blessed by the Lord yesterday as I spent time with my sister, Julie, yester day at "Mom's Morning" at her church. I have so enjoyed the time with her as well as fellowshipping with other ladies. It has been a time for me to be refreshed and encouraged. Sometimes, I am overwhelmed with the busyness of life...and I need encouragement. This is a place where I am GREATLY encouraged. Anyway, they talked about how we need to stand on the knowledge that who we are is based on Christ...we are in Christ if we know the Lord. He sees Christ not our failings and shortcommings. That is again something I have been seeking to focus on. How grateful I am that God's perspective on me is the perspective of seeing Christ!!! How freeing! Praise the Lord! That is the basis of seeking to bring Him glory and honor...not the fear of being cast away...for when we are His nothing can separate us from the Love of God in Christ Jesus! Praise Him!
God is good...God is glorious....as we enter this weekend, I pray that these celebrations I will focus on His wonderousness in each of these joys. I pray that you will too!

"Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Let the earth hear His voice!
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Let the people rejoice!
O Come to the Father through Jesus the Son
And give Him the glory great things He hath done!"
~ From " To God be the Glory" by Fanney Crosby

Busy Life...but Good!

2007-09-05T11:54:00.000-05:00

The last few months have been filled with much enjoyment! I really have loved and enjoyed time with family and friends...and making new friends. One really never knows what the Lord has in store for them! July and August brought me special times with family. We flew to Florida where we spent time with my sister and her husband and enjoyed a few days with Andy's sisters who flew back with us! Some of the highlights were the following: sleep, the awesome zoo in Tampa, Disney World in the rain, putt-putting, and learning how to play hand and foot! It was so enjoyable...I didn't want it to end! So, I flew to Florida a few weeks later! I helped my sister and her husband pack for moving from Tampa, Fl to South Carolina. I really enjoyed my time helping her, and yet was happy to get home to my girls and Andy!
Before our first trip to Florida, I had a garage sale. A young lady came and through talking found out she was searching for Christian fellowship. It's amazing how the Lord works...I was hesitant to do the garage sale...and now the Lord has opened a door of minsitry to this young lady and her husband! HOW AMAZING OUR LORD IS! We have had opportunities to talk with her about various struggles and are praying the Lord will use us to encourage her and her husband.
I had the privilage of completeing 2 books in the last month. One was Every Thought Captive: Battling the Toxic Beliefs that Separate Us from the Life We Crave By: Jerusha Clark. This book was incredibly encourageing to me as I struggle greatly with my thought life. She helped me to see that my perfectionist attitude (always wanting to be perfect and do things perfectly) was holding me captive and hindering me from living a life free in Christ! How timly also was the opportunity I had to teach the ladies Bible Study at church and how convicted I was by this verse in I Peter chapter 2 verse 16-" Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover up for evil, but living as servants of God!" An aspect of being a servant of God is the freedom we have because of Christ's blood that was shed for us! Amazing that this verse's context is honoring authority! We demonstrate who we are by being free in Christ and yet honoring to those in Authority!!! Another aspect that I was convicted by was trying to please everyone! I love to please my husband, my children, the people in my home, those who come to my home, those whose home I am in...I try to please everyone...sometimes at the exclusion of seeing first and foremost to be pleasing to the Lord. I then read this verse in Galations 1:10 - "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or ofGod? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." Ouch!!! If I am still seeking to please man...I am not being a servant of Christ! I desire to serve Him in everything...and yet I struggle constantly with being a people pleaser...and being bonded to that! I have been praying that the Lord would continue to free me from seeking man's approval...even their opinions on my 'godliness' based on their standards (not God's)!!! It is hard because so many times there are good things that we are encouraged to do...and yet we get such false security because we are doing them...but our hearts are not right before the Lord. So we think we are godly...when in truth we are far from Him!
The next book I was able to finish was Satisfy My Thirsty Soul
By: Linda Dillow. This book was incredible! I love Linda Dillow alot! God has used her greatly to deal with my fears, worries, and trusting in His awesome Soverignty! This book was about establishing a life of worship. Worship is not something we just do on Sunday or when we have a quiet time...it is how we live! I have held this opinion for a few years now that many people are going through the motions of doing the "spiritual disciplines" but that we are not living lives that are filled with the spirit! We distinguish too much between the secular and sacred...there should not be a difference. We are God's chose people...holy and blameless in His sight...and we need to start living each moment covered with His Spirit and according to His Word. I loved how Mrs. Dillow exclaimed that even the mundane is an act of worship to the Lord and how our thoughts arn't necessarily always meditating on scripture or activly acknowleging His presence, but when we move from doing things to focusing on Him exclusively we can know that we have never left His presence for it will feel like we've never left! That is lifestyle worship! I tend to think that if we aren't acively acknowleging God...then we must now be worshiping, but I am learning that we can always be abiding in His presence whether we are sitting and reading His word, praying, or doing dishes and changing diapers! We are not bound to be in His presence only when we are doing the "spiritual things" but also the mundane. When we live lifestyles of worship...there is no difference it is all a spiritual act of worship to God!
I am learning more and more what living for Christ really is. For me it has been freeing (though I find myself bound in my thoughts and actions often) and I am praying that the Lord will build in me a lifestyle of worship! I love His presence and I long to spend every moment of my day there!
So, that's alittle abit of what I am learning...what's happening. Well...there is alot more (like homeschooling and such), but I will share more on that later!
Seeking to abide always in His presence,
Amy

Fun Quiz!

2007-06-28T12:53:00.000-05:00

I am an avid "Anne of Green Gables" Fan! I took this fun quiz today! It's nice to know that even though it's been years since I've read Anne, I still know her well!

How Well Do You Know Anne?

You know Anne very well! Good job :)
Take this quiz!

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Encouragement from a Mom to many

2007-06-16T09:58:00.000-05:00

I must admit, that I was greatly encouraged by this post! If there are other mom's out there feeling blue, I hope that this will encourage you! Pray for me that I will press on and enjoy life!!!!

Mommy Life on Finding more Joy in Life

Long Time, No Write

2007-06-14T12:19:00.000-05:00

I know it has been a long time since I have written! I have been feverishly working on dresses for my sister's wedding (I will put some pictures up as soon as I am able!) and just celebrated the marriage last Saturday, June 9th! My sister was beautiful and her new husband is so nice! I know God is going to dosome neat things in and through them.
We've also endured some sickness, and my sweet Ethan is teething, which is no fun! But I am so grateful for my children and the excitement and joy they bring to my life.

We also celebrated Andy's graduation the first weekend in May. I must admit I loved having my family there, but besides a few friends, it was quite small. Quite a disappointment for me but Andy loved it and that's what matters. I am sooooo proud of my husband for completeing school! He is an amazing man and I can't wait to see where the Lord is going to lead us now that school is done!

Andy was sooo sweet a few weeks ago...I have to brag on him! I had been to my family's home for a week and he surprised me with a dinner date at my favorite restarant, 40 sticky notes declaring his love and admiration vairous aspects of me, his wife, and ending with the sweetest note he'd written while I was gone. I am spoiled by this man of mine! What a jewel I've been given! If only every wife were so loved and adored! Below is my pantry sporting my lovely notes!! Isn't he amazing!

I've struggled alot lately with lonliness and just major downness! It is sooo unlike me and is hard for me to figure out what is up! I know it is not just one thing that has me down, but seemingly every instance that comes my way, I am struggleing with negative emotions. I don't know what the Lord is trying to teach me or wants me to learn, but pray that I will be a willing learner and become the woman He desires me to be! How grateful I am that I can go to Him at anytime, anywhere and that He will hear my cry! How grateful I am for His Word where I can find the encouragement my heart needs. And How marvellous it is to find refuge in Him! If you think of it, pray that I will remember and be reminded of the great blessings I have in HIM!

A Desire to Listen

2007-04-20T10:08:00.001-05:00

This week has been stressful to say the least! I am quite tired today and am anticipating a relaxing day minus a dr's appointment for Ariana at 3. It is so easy in the throws of life to be busy and to not take time to listen. To some degree, that has been a problem for me this week. I can easily read what God has to say in His word and through the encouragement of other godly men and women through literature, but really listening to what He wants me to know and apply to my life...sometimes that is another story. I cannot tell you how many times I am reminded that I must stop and listen...really listen to His still small voice. I know it starts from ceasing to strive and know that He alone is God! (Ps. 46). I want to listen and to truly understand the right way what God wants me to know and to apply it to my life. So, this song is becoming a new prayer for me. It is off the new cd, by Keith and Kristyn Getty...I encourage you to check it out and be encouraged by the hymns of modern hymn writers! Until you can check it out, enjoy the lyrics to their song, "Speak, O Lord" written by Keith Getty and Stuart Townend.
Speak, O Lord, as we come to You to recieve the food, of Your Holy Word
Take Your Truth, plant it deep in us; shape and fashion us in Your likeness;
That the light of Christ might be seen today in our acts of love and our deeds of faith
Speak, O Lord nad fulfill in us all your purposes for Your Glory

Teach us Lord, full obedience, Holy reverence, true humility
Test our thoughts and our attitudes; in the radiance of Your purity.
Cause our faith to rise, cause our eyes to see Your majestic love and authority
Words of pow'r that can never fail; Let their truth prevail over unbelief.

Speak, O Lord, and renew our minds; Help us grasp the heigts of Your plans for us
Truths unchanged from the dawn of time, that will esho down through eternity.
And by grace we'll stand on Your promises; And by faith we'll walk as You walk with us.
Speak, O Lord, 'til Your church is built, and the earth is filled with Your glory.
~ taken from the lyrics on the cd, "In Christ Alone" featuring Keith and Kristyn Getty.

May we truly listen to the Lord and allow Him to work His grace in our lives.

Busy, Busy, Happily Busy

2007-03-26T14:11:00.000-05:00

Days have been busy and enjoyable!!! The weather today is spectacular!!! 72 degrees currently with a high around 78 expected! I love spring and summer and fall...winter tends to get me down and overwhelmed. However, my spirits are high and I am loving this life!!!!
I love, love, love my hubby!!! WE are going out on a DATE tonight (yes, a date with NO children- Thank you David and Julie) and I am really looking forward to it. We went on a walk yesterday...and I just loved it (especially watching Ariana and Lillian who were best friends at that moment...and they are best buds most of the time.) Since completing school, we've been able to spend time together and I am really enjoying it. And I love watching him with the kids.
I too am loving my children sooo very much today. Ariana has been a sweet heart and Lillian cuddled with me in bed this morning...it was soo fun!!! Ethan is such a cutie!!!! I can't believe he is 6 months!! He is sooo close to crawling..I know it will be anyday now.
The last few weeks, I have had the privilage of leading our Ladies group. I love teaching and enjoy sharing things that the Lord has taught me. Mind you, the lessons haven't been the easiest, but my greatest times of growth have also been my greatest times of struggle. I spoke on two Psalms, 77 and 64, and used many thoughts from a book I have recently enjoyed entitled, "A Deeper Kind of Calm" by Linda Dillow. I have been through many struggles in the last few years. Mainly struggleing with the stresses of haveing a Hubby in school and working 40 + hours and being pregnant 6 times in 5 years and dealing with the early births, loss of children, and busyness of house. And yet, those are the times that the Lord has taught me to Cling to Him, to hold on the the Truth that He is soverign over all things in my life and that He is working out His glorious plan in my life. It was such an honor and privilage to share the Word of God with these ladies, and I pray that His words will be remembered! I am not particularly anxious to go through any more trying times, but more than anything I want to grow in my relationship with Christ- grow in grace and knowlege of Him. No matter where the Lord leads.
My husband purchased a new Bible for me...the ESV journaling Bible and a new book, "Damsels in Distress" by Martha Peace. I am excited to get into the book and to see how the new Bible will aid in my study.
Well...I am not a great keeper upper with my xanga, so I thought I would update! Hope you all are enjoying the lovely weather as much as I am!!!!
Grace and peace.

Here is a somewhat recent picture of our little boy! I can't believe he's 6 months now!!!! He's so hansome and looks just like his daddy.

Check This Out

2007-03-21T19:36:00.000-05:00

The ladies at Girl Talk are interviewing Noël Piper on their blog. Check it out. She is the wife of John Piper. I have read one of her books and a few of her husbands. They are a neat couple whom the Lord is using greatly in the lives of others! I know they have influenced my life! So, hop on over there and check it out!

More on Rest

2007-02-15T14:26:00.000-05:00

Sickness has sapped the energy from my sweet Ana, and she lookes sooo sick and unrested. Please pray for her to get over this nasty flu bug!!!
The snow here is beautiful today...sun shining and glistening on the snow. Lillybug enjoyed the snow with our sweet neighbor girl. I know she had a great time. Ethan and I have cuddled some, although not as much as we did last week when he was cutting his first two teeth. I can't believe my baby has teeth!!! He is growing and changing fast. Time definitely goes by so fast!!!
Meditating on Hebrews has me thinking alot on Rest these days (especially since I feel like I don't always get alot of rest). There is alot of repetition on not entering God's rest if we've hardened our hearts. This passage has me thinking alot on the rest that we have in our Salvation. We believed and therefore have entered into the "rest of God". I think we try to earn our salvation and there is great rest in knowing Christ has completed the work of the cross making it possible for us to have peace with God. What rest there is when we realize it is not about us working to earn God's favor, but rather resting in what Christ has done on the cross and knowing His work has brought about God's favor on us. God is daily calling people to His rest. He says TODAY to enter His rest...not tomorrow...not a month from now...but TODAY. And yet, so many are still striving to earn favor with God. I am so thankful to know that I have this "rest" that is spoken of, but I know there is more "rest" that comes from God. There is the "rest" we have from drawing strength from Him each day. Rest given us we are pierced by the Word of the Lord as our hearts are "naked and exposed" to His eyes, He the righteous judge. Rest that comes from holding our faith knowing we have a great High Priest in Jesus Christ who understands our weaknesses and brings our cries before the Father. Rest in knowing I can lay everything at His throne and know that grace and mercy is there for each moment of need that I have. Thank you, Lord Jesus, for REST. Rest this moment, this hour, this day, and for all eternity!!!!
Do you have His rest today????

Rest and Time with the LORD

2007-02-12T13:36:00.000-05:00

This morning was wonderful. I don't know why I can't seem to remember the wonderfulness of mornings like this and GET UP and do it again. I had some great time with the LORD this morning (I'm reading through Hebrews) and was reminded again how THE LORD gives REST! I read these verses this morning:
"Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says, 'Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion, on the day of testing in the wilderness, where your fathers put me to the test and saw my works for forty years. Therefore I was provoked with that generation and said, 'They always go astray in their heart; they have not known my ways.' As I swore in my wrath,' They shall not enter my rest.'" (Hebrews 3:7-11)
I know that Jesus has said, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”(Mt. 11:27-30) and yet I continually look elsewhere to find rest for my weary soul. For example, when I am tired I sleep (not that that isn't sometimes needed) but often times I equate my weariness for sleepiness when in fact life is wearing on me and I need to find rest in Him! I need to return to the place of rest, the presence of the Most Holy and Awesome God.
"Gracious is the Lord, and righteous;our God is merciful. The Lord preserves the simple;when I was brought low, he saved me. Return, O my soul, to your rest;for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you." (Ps. 116:9-11)
I am feeling restored today, and am looking forward to seeing what the LORD has in His plans for me

.
REST

Often times I find myself in weariness of soul,
Lord, help me to remember that You are in control.
You use that time to draw me back to the place of quiet rest
I come away, my heart restored, my weary soul refreshed.
With You, my Lord, is peace and joy and strength for every day
Keep me abiding in Your presence as I journey on life's way.

A hearts Cry

2007-02-09T17:52:00.000-05:00

Where does one go when they are utterly exhausted????
"My flesh and my heart faileth; but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever....But it is good for me to draw near to God; I have put my trust in the Lord God, that i may declare all thy works". Ps. 73:26,28 (KJV)
I sure feel like I am failing miserably in my flesh today. I know I have been trying to do way too much on my own..and I am reaping the consequences. One cannot manage a home, raise children in a righteous way, be a good helpmeet without the strength of the LORD and I have not been faithful in relying on Him. I am much more apt to try and do it on my own.
Oh, LORD, please forgive my failings and forgive me for my pride and arrogance. I need you to be my strength. Please draw me to you...give me a thirst for you that I sooo desparately long for and need. Help me to trust that what you have given me is truly good and is your best for me. Please help me to always glorify you in the tough days and in the good days. Please give this weary mom rest in You!

The Honor of the King

2007-01-31T18:52:00.000-05:00

Days have been busy...we are enjoying having Andy home in the evenings and have found various ways to encourage and minister to others. I have been busy caring for our children and home and have desires to grow more in my walk with the LORD this year.
So many exciting changes are taking place this year, my sister is getting married, my cousin is expecting a baby, and Lord willing more exciting things will happen. However, as I have enjoyed today and yesterday watching a theatrical rendition of the Biblical account of Esther, I am reminded that nothing happens by chance and that all is part of the honor and Glory of God. I am only a small part of His plan, I am sure, and I only pray that He will complete His plan for me in His good time and way. Until then, may I seek to be "to the praise of His glorious grace" (Ephesians).

"While we continue onward in the face of a world filled with uncertainty, we can rejoice, for hidden within its mysteries is the honor of a King." exerpt from the film, "One Night with the King"

2006-12-22T12:39:00.000-05:00

I just love Christmas time!!! How grateful I am that the Lord of Heaven and Earth was born as a babe and willingly gave His life to pay for my sin! I am so grateful that He fulfilled the purpose ordained for Him for the honor and glory of His name!!! As we finish this year out, there are some things I am incredibly grateful for and desire to praise the Lord for:
Praise the Lord Andy completed his last semester of college!!!! What a blessing...long time in comming it seems. He has worked so hard and I am so grateful for the grace the Lord poured out on Andy as he completed school!!! Congratulations, my dear!
Praise the Lord for the beautiful daughers the Lord has blessed us with. Ariana is 4 and has just been a huge help and encouragement to me. She has a desire to please and we are praying that she will desire the Lord and want to please Him. Pray for her heart to be tender to Him and to trust Him to save her. Lillian is a sweetheart and I can't believe how the Lord has worked in her life. I am completely amazed that she is here and healthy. She is rather stubborn, but we hope to curve it to more useful things

Praise the Lord for the addition of a little boy into our family. I must admit that this entire year was a test of faith. I didn't know what the Lord would have in store for us...and I am constantly learning that He holds each one of my children's lives and I need to joyfully surrender them to Him everyday! Ethan is a great joy and a testimony to me that we truly don't know what He has in store for us. He is 3 months today and rolling over like a pro. He seems soooo little! How blessed we are to have such a healthy baby!!!!!

Praise the Lord for growing me and teaching me more of the desire He has for His glory and for the honor of His name. I am seeking to make it my daily prayer that I will glorify His name even as Jesus Christ did. I am also learning and seeking to bring Him glory in my daily duty's of caring for my husband and children. He has given me such a big responsibility and I pray that He will give me His strength and grace that I my glorify Him.
As you celebrate the Son's birth, I pray that you will be able to see Him working in your lives and in your families and that you can glorify Him for the great things He has done!!!!
Merry Christmas from the Petz Family!

Remembering a Holy Night

2006-11-30T19:05:00.000-05:00

As we put up our tree and lights today, we had Christmas music on! I love Christmas music! I love remembering our Saviour's birth and why He came- to save a wretch like me as the old hymn goes. Knowing my unworthiness makes me even more grateful that He chose me to be in Him before the foundation of the world...how amazing is that!!! And He did that for the praise of His glory! Oh, that my life would constantly proclaim the glory and praise of the Lord! And yet...I falter everyday and often times fail to rely on Him.
As I listened to the music, the song "O Holy Night" came on in a beautiful instramental arrangement. As I sung the words I've known for years, I teared up.

"O Holy night! the stars are brightly shining - it is the night of the dear Savoir's birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining- til He appeared, and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary soul rejoices, For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees, O hear the angel voices! O night divine, O night when Christ was born!
O night divine, O night, O night divine!" ~Placide Cappeau, translated by John Sullivan Dwight

How amazing to think of the birth of Jesus. I can see how the people could have missed this awesome moment- God as a babe- for I often forget and am hardened against the reality of what He did for me. He gave me worth- worth in Himself, He gave me hope- hope of reconcilliation to Him, He gave me joy- joy in abiding in His presence forevermore! The result of this knowledge should cause me to fall on my knees and worship the Lord of Hosts!
This season, I ask that you would pray that I would worship and serve Him only, not myself or earthly pleasures...I will be doing the same for you.

"Truly He taught us to love one another; His law is love and His Gospel is peace.
Chains shall He break for the slave is our brother and in His name all oppression shall cease.
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we, Let all within us praise His holy Name!
Christ is the Lord! O praise His name forever! His pow'r and glory evermore proclaim!
His pow'r and glory evermore proclaim!" ~Placide Cappeau, translated by John Sullivan Dwight

Basking in God's Grace

2006-11-07T17:26:00.000-05:00

I know that it has been a very long time since I have written. Life with 3 children is much diffrent than life with 2. Ethan is just over 6 weeks old! I cannot believe how much time has flown by. In the last six weeks, all of us, but Ethan, struggled with illness. Andy got sick twice, as well as had some big projects due and so life has consisted of school and recovery. We now have 5 and a half weeks left and then Andy is done!!! Yea!!! He just recieved word on what he will be doing at his job once school is over and it will be a day job (yeah...no more nights) and will be from 8 'til 5 or 6 and every other Sat. 'til noon. He will begin the week before Christmas! I am hoping that it will be a good job for him.
As a mom, I am learning alot....mostly how appreciative of my mom I need to be. I don't know how anyone with more than a couple of children do things...and I know why people think 3 is alot of children...it is alot. I have found that my lovely daughters find mischief while I am nursing Ethan and the result has been trying to build sand castles out of flour in both the kitchen and the dining room as well as toothpaste everywhere. I often find myself just happy to get anything accomplished and doublely happy if there is not an added job in a day. :) However, the girls love their brother and are very helpful in good ways and I appreciate their willingness to help. Ethan is a doll, and is quite smart which scares me to some extent. Last Thurs. he impressed the doctor with his ability to smile, coo, and roll over...all accomplished before 6 weeks!!! I think he will be a busier baby than my girls. He is however extremely content and sleeps anywhere from 5-7 hour stretch at night. Most nights I am only up once between 9ish and 6ish. I cannot complain about the sleep.
I am also learning that I must, MUST, rely on the stregth of the Lord every day. If not, I am a very cranky mom and am unable to be the example I know God desires me to be for my children and am an ungrateful wife, unable to meet the needs of my husband because I am too busy complaining. So, I am learning submission and abandonment to my God in ways that I have not learned to do. I am praying that each stuggle and challenge will in turn make me more like Christ. I so long to be like Him....and yet have soooo very far to go.
"And He said to me, ' My grace is sufficient for you, for MY strength is made perfect in weakness...'". (II Cor. 12:9)
"He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater, He sendeth more strength when the labors increase;
To added affliction He addeth His mrecy, To multiplied trials His multiplied peace.
When we have exhausted our store of endurance, When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources, Our Father's full giving is only begun.
His love has no limit, His grace has no measure, His pow'r has no boundary known unto men;
For out of His infinite riches in Jesus He giveth and giveth and giveth again!"
~ Annie Johnson Flint
(I was going to post a new picture of Ethan, but my sweeet boy would rather have some attention...so I will try to do so later!

Introducing Ethan Andrew

2006-09-25T18:56:00.000-05:00

Introducing Ethan Andrew
"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to your name, O Most High." Ps. 92:1
God has been soooo gracious!!!! We are rejoicing in the birth of Ethan Andrew. He is sooooo precious.

We arrived at the hospital at 5am on September 22nd, and began induction at 6:30ish. They upped my pitocin as high as it could go around 7 and we waited. And we waited. And we waited. After a long and difficult day, he was born at 11:47pm and I am pleased to say that the VBAC was a success!!! He weighed 7lbs. 2oz. and was 20in. long. He is just beautiful and we are really enjoying him alot. The girls think he's the best!!!

We are really enjoying him, and praise the Lord for the addition to our family. Children are a heritage from Him and we ask that you would pray with us that we would be used of Him to raise these precious charges for Him!!!

Rejoice with us!!!!!

Friday

2006-09-19T14:34:00.000-05:00

We are officially in the last days of pregnancy. Due to my lovely history, if I don't deliver before Friday, we will head to the hospital at 5 Friday morning and begin induction!!! I am sooo excited about meeting Ethan and can't wait for him to make his appearance. So, I would ask that you all pray that I have a safe, good delivery and that the VBAC would go well...and if I do end up having to have a c-section that I will have a good spirit about it. I really don't want a c-section, but we'll see what God has in store. Until then, I will leave you with this verse:
"This God-his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him." Ps. 18:30
Desiring His ways,
Amy

Some Thoughts for Today

2006-09-11T16:38:00.001-05:00

September 11th is a day Americans will never forget. It is a day that changed lives and continues to affect lives even today. It happened less than a month after Andy and I were married. I remember watching it happen on T.V. It's a day I will never forget.
Last year's September 11ths is also a day I will never forget. Last year, somewhere between 1:30 and 2:00am, I was in the emergency room and our son, Nathan Joel, was with God in eternity. It was a shock as I ahd made it well past my other miscarriages and assumed smooth sailing through the rest of my 2nd trimester until the end when I"ve usually struggled with Preeclampsia. Instead, God had other plans- taking Nathan home to HIm. The next Sunday, I sang the song "In Christ Alone" and wept because I learned by experience that those words were true. The words of the final verse hit me the most:

"No guilt in life, No fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power in hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll live"

Learning about Christ's Soverignty in such a personal way changed my thinking about alot of things. He holds the lot of my life (Ps. 16:5), He has ordained all my days, from the first breath to the last (Ps. 139:16), He not only ordained the number, but planned my salvation and the works that I would do for His honor and glory (Eph. 2:8-10). Not only that, but He planned all of Nathan's 15 and a half weeks in my womb. And His plan was for Nathan to never taste of the sinfulness and rottenness of this world and to only know the joy and peace and gloriousness of worshipping in God's presence always. I too can enjoy a portion of the same Joys Nathan is experiencing in heaven here on earth as I seek Him and strive to abide in His presence (Ps. 16:11). And one day, I will join Nathan in praising God forever and ever....let me tell you, heaven gets sweeter and sweeter. Until then, I have the same power that raised Christ from the dead at my disposal that I may spend my time here on earth bringing God pleasure and honor and glory because the Holy Spirit lives in me and gives me power to daily live for the Lord. If only I utilized that power more!

This September 11th, I am basking in something diffrent- the undeserved grace and mercy of God in my life. I carry within me, evidence that God is working in my life and is at this moment choosing to pour grace on the son I carry within me- allowing him to grow healthy and strong in my womb. Not only that, but I have enjoyed a problem-free pregnancy which to me has been another demonstration of His grace in my life. I am anxious to meet Ethan and pray that I will be used by God to train him in the ways of God and share with Him all that God has taught me. For now, I am learning, as did Job, that " The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away, blessed be the name of the LORD" (Job 1:21) and "I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted." (Job 42:2) I am excited and anticipate what the Lord has in store for the rest of this pregnancy and the rest of my life!!!

"Have Thine Own Way, Lord, Have thine own way
Thou art the potter, I am the clay
Mold me and make me after Thy will
While I am waiting, yeilded and still."

Encouragement

2006-08-23T16:26:00.000-05:00

I found this prayer yesterday while I was reading through one of my notebooks of things that I have saved to be reminded of. I was struck by the words and thought I would share it with you all (crazy...2 posts in a row!). I pray that you will be encouraged by the words even as I was.

My Prayer” ~ Author Unknown
Teach me, Lord, to keep sweet and gentle in all the events of life, in disappointments, in thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity of those I trusted, in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied.

Help me to put myself aside, to think of the happiness of others, to hide my little pains and heartaches, so that I may be the only one to suffer from them.

Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes to me. Help me to use it that it may mellow me, not harden or embitter me, that it may make me broad in my forgiveness, kindly, sympathetic, and helpful.

34 weeks 3 days and counting!!!!

2006-08-22T14:38:00.000-05:00

I honestly cannot believe that I am over 34 weeks!!!! I must admit that I am getting really anxious to meet this little one. It feels like time is going slow, but at the same time, it is going really fast as well.
I feel like I am ready. Mostly. Andy starts school tomorrow and I am not looking forward to that, but what can one do. At least there is only one semester left!!! Then we are done! Yeah!!!!
Yesterday I meditated on Psalm 16. It is an incredible Psalm. As I anticipate our "new arriaval", I was really encouraged by some of these verses:
vs. 2~ "I say to the LORD,'You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you'"
vs. 5-6 ~ " The LORD is my chosen protion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance"
vs 8-11~ " I have set the LORD always before me; becasue he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to sheol, or let your holy one see corrupton. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your fight hand are pleasures forevermore."

These verses have been a great encouragement to me. I really want to have everything go smoothly for the rest of this pregnancy, but if it doesn't God alone is enough. He is the greatest good that I have, He holds my today and tomorrows, because I am His I live secure in Him, He is where there is fullness of joy and pleasures always... He is to be my delight and joy and where I take the most pleasure in. It is not easy, because there are some very precious things to me here on this earth (my husband and children), but He must come first. I really am working on making that my goal and focus. I need to make that my goal and focus.
So, while I wait for this child, my hope is that no matter what happens, He will be the sole desire and pleasure of my heart.

Busy Preparations

2006-07-29T09:44:00.000-05:00

This has been a good and busy week. Andy is still working days and will be doing so again next week. It's kindof funny how you long for one thing and when you get it, it's not as nice as you thought it would be. That's how we feel about days. Maybe when he's done with school, our perspective on it will change a bit, but for now with all my dr's appointments and other various tasks, it's challenging to have him on days. I am so thankful for all the help others have given from watching the kids to letting me use a vehicle so I can get all my errands done.

I was able to have a lady that I have spoken to only a few times over this week and I really enjoyed my conversations with her. She has 5 children and just had their first girl. It was really nice to chat with her and I am hoping to get to know her better as I know she will be a great encouragement.

I think I may be losing some weight, or atleast some fat, on my new "diet". I haven't followed it completely and my levels have been well below where they need to be so that is encourageing. Ethan is growing and I can feel him moving often although the movements are more strong and definitive and really rarely the 'flutter' of light movement. I must say I am getting very anxious to meet this little guy and yet praying that he continues to stay put. We are a week past when Lillian was born, so I feel like every week is an added blessing. I see the Dr. on Monday and am excited to see what their thoughts are concerning the rest of this pregnancy. I know that they will be watching me weekly but as far as the rest of their plans for me, I don't know. I have begun to pray more for a normal delivery and would love to do a VBAC. Please pray for me that I will be accepting of whatever delivery God has planned for me and that if it's a c-section or VBAC that I will be able to be a shining testimony of His glory.

I have begun reading through Psalms. I like to meditate on them as delivery gets closer. They are packed full with God-ward thoughts and I desire to have those thoughts permiate my mind. I meditated Psalm 2 one day this week, and I think that it is so amazing to think that God is in control of the nations!!!! His power and plan will prevail for the nations of the world. That had me think of how amazing and awesome it is that not only does God care for the nations, but He cares for me as His child. His plans for me will prevail no matter what!!! What a promise from the Lord....I must admit....I can't wait to see what His plans for me are.

I have also begun to prepare Ariana's school for 3 months. I want to be ready so we can begin shortly after Ethan is born. I can't believe that I am doing school with my oldest. Granted it is only pre-school, but I can't believe how big she is getting. As I prepare for this, I have been praying that not only will she learn skills to aid in her life, but that she will trust Christ as her Saviour and be a shining example of a godly woman to the world around her. It is a daunting task when I think about it, but I pray that it won't be me building her life, but that it will be the Lord through me. Pray that things fall together quickly for school so that we won't be bogged down with school stuff but will be able to enjoy Ethan as well.

How grateful I am that God is enthroned above. It makes the uncertainty of future things not so scary when I remember who is in control!!!! I hope that I never forget that.

Philippians 4 Reminder

2006-07-18T15:00:00.000-05:00

"Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, Rejoice. Let you reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." ~ Philippians 4: 4-8

Yesterday, I was encouraged by my mother-in-law to read Philippians 4. She had been reading it that morning and was blessed by the Lord in some amazing ways (both spiritually and physcially). As I meditated on this chapter, again these particualr verses stuck in my mind. Why, you may ask? Because controlling my thought life, particularly the area of worrying, is a never- ending task it seems in my life. My dear husband is always reminding me of these verses and sadly I don't always appreciate the reproof. However, we are commanded in the Word of God to Rejoice in the Lord. Not just when our lives are going great and according to *our* plans, but also when things arn't happening in the way we see fit. God has given to us a means to achieving peace when we feel like there can be none....prayer. We are to not be anxious but instead bring our prayers and petitions to God who alone can give us the peace that passes all understanding. As we surrender to Him, He gives us the peace and guards our hearts and our minds. As we surrender this control, we too need to yeild the determination to take our thoughts captive and focus on what is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, praiseworthy and excellent. And who would give us the ability to do that? Again, our great and awesome God. Everytime I think that *I* have to do something (now I am not discounting our responsibility), I realize that He is the one who provides the grace to do what pleases Him. I cannot do it by willing it myself...He alone can give the strength.

I am seeing that I must focus on these thoughts alot in the days and weeks ahead. I am nearing the point where I delivered our precious Lillian. While my blood pressure is still behaving itself as of now, my body still is not responding to this pregnancy in a completely positive way...I do have gestational diabetes. So, I am meeting with a dietician tomorrow and will also meet with a diabetic counselor (or something like that) sometime as well so that I can get this blood sugar thing under control. My initial reaction is " if it's not one thing, it's another". Sometimes, in my mind, I am questioning why? Why do I continually have problem after problem in my pregnancies? Why can't things just go normally and not add more stress to my life? But, then agian I am reminded that I need to not worry but turst in the fact that all things are working out in my life for my good and ultimately for the Glory of the Lord. I am realizing that I must remember that above all things. He is doing it for His glory...and I am amazed that He would even chose me for that honor. So while in my flesh I am not thrilled about this latest complication, I am most grateful for His soverignty and ask that you would pray with me that God will be glorified throughout the remainder of this pregnancy.

An Ever Interesting Life

2006-07-08T12:16:00.000-05:00

Well, I am alone this weekend...well not really, Lillybug is home with me. Andy took Ana to my cousins wedding and as Ana is the flowergirl, I really feel like I'm missing out on some fun! However, I am glad we chose to stay home especially as I carry Ethan. I will look forward to seeing pictures and am rejoicing with them in their marriage.

It's been a busy and relaxing week with Andy off. We have been able to rest some and we even went out on a date!!! I don't remember the last time we went out alone. It was so nice to know that the girls were being cared for by someone we trusted and we were able to really enjoy our time out even though we both were exhausted. I found a plaque for Ethan's room that says "Thank Heaven for Little Boys" and it matches his nursry bedding perfectly. I have found some cute clothes for him and am beginning to feel like things are coming together for his upcoming birth. I still need to finish getting essentials like diapers and such, but other than that, I am hoping we will be ready within the next month.

I can't believe that I am 28 weeks!!! It is sooo exciting. It's also hard to believe Lillybug was born 2 weeks from now! That is truly unbelievable. So far nothing has been unusual on the Preeclampsia front which I am very grateful for. However, I would like to ask for your prayers as I recieved a high result on my 1 hour glucose test, so I am going to have to do the 3 hour glucose test. I really don't want to have that test come back bad, so I would appreciate any prayers on that.

Andy will be working days the next few weeks and that is going to add quite a bit of fun to our lives. It will be strange having him gone during the day, but at home in the evenings. It definitely will make any pregnancy appointments interesting as I try to find time to get the things done I need to get done. But having him home in the evenings will sure help as I am soooo tired alot these days.

God's soverignty has really been on my mind alot these days. I am so glad that God is in control. It is sooo hard for me to remember that sometimes, but it sure is a comfort to know that God is always on His Throne.

Busy Days

2006-06-29T15:46:00.000-05:00

This week has been fun and busy!!! We had company from Friday last week until Wed. this week. My sister in law had her baby a few weeks ago and her family was in town and stayed with us. It was very fun to have them here. The girls really enjoyed it! Monday, we began our 5 day club and that went pretty good...except today we had no kids...but mine. Ariana has really enjoyed it.

I have had 3 appointments this week. The first was just a normal visit...Ethan is doing great and so am I. My cervix is still closed (which is what we want) and he is very low!!! I had an internal exam done and the doctor could feel him down low. I am getting alot bigger and more uncomfortable...but I am sooo grateful to be carrying this child. I went in for another appointment due to some unusual swelling in my leg and today I had an ultrasound done to make sure I had no clots. Everything looked fine...I just have to take it easy and when I'm up alot, wear my lovely support hose. In this heat...I am not too anxous about that.

Andy will be on vacation next week and we are ready for some family time! I hope it is restful for him.

God has been so gracious to us. We have had an enjoyable week and are excited for our weekend (my sister is flying into an airport near us and I will be able to see her) and looking forward to good time with family.

God's Ways

2006-06-22T19:18:00.000-05:00

I just finished watching one of my favorite movies with my girls. It is "Jospeh, King of Dreams" a Dreamworks picture. I have enjoyed the movie for awhile now, but once again it has reminded me of God's great soverignty in our lives. So many times it is easy to "buck" whatever circumstances are happening in our lives or to resist the things that God wants to do in our lives. We forget that He has a plan and a purpose that is for His honor and Glory. Look at the life of Joseph. God used his trials and hardships to save Israel. Now, I don't think that my life is necessarily going to save a group of people, however, I do know that God has a great plan for my life that will fulfill His purpose for me and the ultimate plan He has. I need to remember that no matter what happens, God knows best and His way is the way that I want to direct my life.

I am about 26 weeks pregnant and have been really fretting over the next while. I like to "control" things, and I have been determining to make sure that I am prepared for whatever circumstances come up in this pregnancy - whether another preemie or a full term baby. I don't like surprises and I don't like getting thrown into unplanned circumstances. So, the movie tonight was a great reminder to me to let God have His way in my life and to not fret over the future....He already knows it and is working on creating a beautiful masterpiece in my life...even in this pregnancy. So, while I must DAILY learn to surrender each moment...and not get caught up in the "if this happens" mentality... I must learn to anticipate the Great and Awesome things that He is going to do. I am so grateful fot the time I've already had with Ethan and I am so excited to deliver him and to see what God is going to do in him even what He will teach me through Ethan's life.

"This God- his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. 'For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God? This God is my strong refuge and he has made my way blamesless.'" (II Samuel 22:31-33)

Latest News

2006-06-02T19:28:00.000-05:00

Wow! I can't believe that it is June 2nd! Almost a whole month since my last entry. Things have been busy here. We finished Andy's school in May, I went to MI for a week to spend time with my family before I will no longer travel ( I have been waiting for a safe time to go...even though I feel like no time is really 'safe'), and now I am anxiously waiting for my sister in law to go into labor and have their baby girl!!! I love babies!

I feel like I have really been going trough some challenging times. I am still hashing over some things, but am feeling more direction through Scripture as to my thinking. I know that God is working out some things in my life, and I can't wait to see what He does in my life. He is such a great teacher and I pray that I will be a diligent learner.

Tomorrow I will be 23 weeks pregnant! I cannot believe it. After 2 losses, I didn't know if the Lord would allow me to have another, but here we are at 23 weeks and I admit I am really excited. I started going through baby boy clothes (how strange is that!) and I am looking forward to starting to work on our nursery. Because of my lovely Obstetric history, I want to be ready by the beginning of July just incase I see Bedrest or Preterm Birth. I really can't believe that we had Lillian 7 weeks from now! I am feeling like I am getting really big...and I've gained more weight than I would have liked at this point. Ethan is moving constantly and I love the feeling of "life". I really think that pregnancy is such an awesome time. Granted...it's never easy for me, but I love the thought of our child growing and moving in me. I am reminded DAILY that God has entrusted these children to Andy and my's care and We need to seek His wisdom to raise them for His honor and glory. I love my girls and I can't wait to meet our son. Please continue to pray as I have an ultrasound on Wednesday of next week and then I start a new test on Friday. I will take this test every 2 weeks until 28 weeks. After that....I will start a new phase. So far, the Lord has been very gracious and we have had a problem-free pregnancy thus far.

Hopefully I won't wait so long to update or write next time.

Soli Deo Gloria!!!!!!

TRUST

2006-05-10T08:09:00.000-05:00

Things have been very interesting lately. God has been working on so many areas in my life is seems. There have been topics I've been wrestling with and others that have encouraged my heart and, I pray, God is using them to make me more like Himself. I really do want to Glorify Him and become more like Him. I want my thinking to be less worldly and more and more gain the mind of Christ. Yet, worldly thinking is constantly being engrained in my head. We all get it through various facets of our everyday life ~ home, work (if we work outside the home), church,....everywhere. I am convinced that only Scripture, through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, can truly aid us in obtaining the mind of Christ. God can use other ways such as literature and people, but all we are challenged with must be sifted through the Word of God.

Our minds NEED to be renewed and changed if we wnat them to be Christ-like and if we want our lives to honor and glorify the LORD. I am rminded of this as I've meditated on Romans 12:1-2~

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable, and perfect."

I heard a neat missionary speak this Sunday, and she used Psalm 37:3-7a to teach us how we can TRUST God. Each letter was one of the 5 commands in this passage. The accrostic was the follwoing and follow a specific order:

T=Take the gift of Salvation, R= Rejoice in the LORD, U= Unleash your life to God, S= Sacrificially submit to God and Serve others, T= Total Responsibility is God's

I really liked this because we are called to obey what God says (present ourselves to Him, know Him and desire Him, submit to Him, love others, ...) and what happens is TOTALLY in His hands. He is Soverignly in control over ALL.

This is some of what I am learning. This is what He wants me to learn and apply to my life.

Baby News:

I am currently 19 weeks 4 days pregnant and all is seemingly well. Iam feeling Ethan's movements more each day and Andy and Arianaboth have felt him also. I must say this pregnancy is more real to menow and I am starting to get excited about the prospect of a new babyin our home. Please continue to pray that all will go well. I have anotherultrasound today and will continue to have weekly u/s until I am 24weeks. Horray!!! We are about half way there!!!!!

SURPRISE!!!!!

2006-04-21T08:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I had another cervical ultrasound scan. It went well...my cervix is still good!!! BUT, the best surprise was when they decided to take a peak at our baby!!! It was so fun to watch our baby move and to see a good strong heartbeat!!! It was amazing!!! And even more amazing was that they let us find out what our baby is. We weren't planning on finding out for 2 more weeks, but we'll take the news whenever we can get it. And we found out that we are expecting a baby BOY!!!! We are sooo excited. The name we have chosen (and have had chosen since Ariana) is Ethan Andrew (sorry Kyle...maybe we'll think about that name for our next boy!). So, as you think and pray for me and this pregnancy (which we pray will continue to go in a positive direction), please pray for our son, Ethan, to grow healthy and strong!

"...My heart exults in the LORD; my strength is exalted in the LORD!!!!!" (I Sam. 2:1 ~ a prayer of exultation that I sing even as Hannah did!)

If I thought waiting was hard....

2006-04-13T21:04:00.000-05:00

...I was mistaken, because modified bedrest is harder.

Okay...so I thought others were easier to listen to too...but that was wrong too...Dr's can't give assurance.

Again I am sitting here, praying and waiting to see what the LORD is going to do. My visit was okay. The baby looked good (what we saw...mainly the heartbeat beating at 167 bpm) and my cervix went from alittle over 4cm to 3.5cm. Not something extrordinarily worrisome...but not what I was wanting to hear. On top of that I found out I have a low- lying placenta. Also something not extrodinarily worrisome, just another new experience I feel I could do without. Then as I shared some concerns I had with pressure on my cervix, I was told that I will need to get help with my children and housework during the day. I am to take it easy and get some help (for all of you who know me...help is something I need alright!!! ) So, another lesson to be learned....

Humility. I must take this moment to thank my mother for my birthday gift, "Humily" by C.J. Mahany. I believe that I will not want to wait to finish "The Pleasures of God" before I begin that, because I need a BIG dose of it now. I am one who loves to do things for others, and I especially like to do things myself. However, I am going to need to rely on the blessings of others for the remainder of this pregnancy, however long it may be. I am not particularly keen on that...at least not in a semi-permanant way...because I don't have a problem talking others into letting me help them, but I don't always have enough humility to allow others to help me. So, I ask for prayer for humility. I so feel like others have blessed us beyond what we need, and now in my time of need, I need to accept the help of others. As difficult as it may be, I need to humble myself, let go of my pride, and allow God to work....through others.

He's already blessing. A godly woman at our church heard about my appointment and has offered to get women of the church to come and do major cleaning 1 day a week! That truly is a blessing! I also have dear friends who are offering their time and assistance even though their lives are also busy.

Jesus Christ gave us the greatest example of humility. I can't imagine the putting aside of His rights as God to pay the penalty for my sin. I am humbled, amazed, and ashamed. I need to follow my Saviour and put aside my right to do My home, and instead obey my doctor and do as he suggests, for he is the one the LORD brought to watch over me and my babe, though God ultimately holds this child. Lord, may I follow you in your example. Humbling myself and committing myself to the Father even as you did. Create in me a heart that obeys and that submits to the work you want to do in my life as well as the lives of others. I love you.

Learning to Wait

2006-04-12T19:21:00.000-05:00

I used to laugh at myself when I would talk about how anxious I was for the next exciting thing to happen. First it was graduating High School. Then it was marrying my best friend, Andy. Then it was anxiously waiting for our first child, a daughter, to arrive. Since then, I feel like I do a myriad of waiting everysingle day. And with all that practice (you think I would be getting good), I am still disliking waiting!!!!

Tomorrow, I meet with the specialist again. Last week was kindof fun...(minus the cervical ultrasound) we got to see our baby (for the 4th time this pregnancy) as well as recieve the assurance that everything is going good for now. I was really relieved and less stressed about this pregnancy...until the start of this week. I got nervous Monday and have still been waiting to see how things are going. You see, we lost our son, Nathan Joel, last September around this time in the pregnancy. I am so anxious to get further along (like another 10 weeks under my belt), and yet I thought, "If I got relived about what this doctor said, why can I not be relieved when I read the truths for me in God's Word?"

I've determined because it's easier to rely on man, and once you get some word, it's easy to forget and cease to rely on the Heavely Father. However, God wants us to find pleasure and delight in Him. He wants our source of joy and strength to come fom trusting HIM.

So, now what do I do? For now, I know I need to bathe myself in the Word and memorize verses that will help me to focus on Him. I also need to continue to wait and really seek to understand what Waiting on the Lord really means...and then apply it to my life.

I certainly covet prayers on behalf of this little baby growing in me....and I also covet prayes that I will become the person God desires me to be and that I will trust in Him no matter what comes my way.

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?...One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock...Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have siad, "Seek my face." My heart sayd to you, ' Your face, LORD, do I seek'. Hide not your face from me....I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!" ~Psalm 27: 1,4-5, a7-9a, 13-14

Seeing the Specialist today

2006-04-06T09:51:00.000-05:00

I have really been working on trying to stay calm...not always working, but I am learning to Trust the Lord in new ways (or maybe they are old ways since the Lord is always teaching me trust in my pregnancies). I have been reading "The Pleasures of God" by John Piper and am realizing more and more that I need to take pleasure in God. I do think that in doing so, I will become more focused on Him, and less focused on me. It's so hard to do...especially as I near the time when we lost Nathan. However, I know what God wants me to do and I really want to follow in obedience.
Today I am seeing the specialist to see what his opinion is as to what I do for this pregnancy. I don't entirely know what they will do, but I will be glad to hopefully hear our baby's heartbeat as well as know that everything is okay for now.
I know that God is great and that He is sovereign. After all, He chose me and made me His workmanship so that I would do the good works He's planned for me to bring Him honor and glory. I can't wait to see how He will use this pregnancy to bring honor and glory to Him!

UPDATE: Everything came out good...and I don't have to get a cerclage (my cervix measured great!) I will however be checked again next week and we will see how it is going then. I really liked the perinatologist and can't wait to see what else is in store.

The End of Me

2006-03-20T17:31:00.000-05:00

Yesterday at church was great!!!! I loved both morning and eveing service. I love being challenged in the Word and in my thinking. Now, mind you, I am a very opinionated person (ask anyone who's had a discussion with me) and I also tend to be very critical sometimes (which is something I am seeking to change) but I was so greatly reminded yesterday that there needs to always be an end of me. We watched a movie of John Piper speaking at a conference (my gracious Pastor lent me the dvd and I watched the rest of the speakers today) and I was soooo encouraged and reminded of things the Lord spoke and is teaching me on. One thing that has been coursing through my brain is that God's concern is for His glory. That can seem like such a prideful thing, and yet there are so many Scriptures talking about God's passion for Himself which is exactly what we need to have...a passion for HIM!!! He is our example. He is our goal. He is our prize. He is our all. That is what is important. I also loved the focus of the definition of His holiness as being "His infinate value as the absolute perfect moral person (unique and incomprable) He is" (that is a very poor paraphrase of what Pastor Piper said...forgive me..keeping up with note-taking was a challenge as usual). God is the one to value....when Christ died it was not just for our sake (so we could be reconciled with God) but the fact that "He valued the perfection of Himself, His Son, and His Spirit" (as Pastor Piper stated) As John Piper said and I loved this quote God demonstrates love to us when "He sustains and exalts His holiness in His Son for my everlasting enjoyment." That is soooooo awesome...I really long to enjoy God more. I really desire to end the focus on myself and to enjoy Him!!!! But what a challenge it is. I really do think that our relationships would change dramatically. I think our relationship with God would be different, that we would view others in light of the mercy, grace, and love that He has bestowed on us. I think it would make us more loving and forebearing.
Then, in the evening service, we talked about I John (which I am really enjoying the study). The thing that stuck out to me then was that I can have confidence in my salvation because I have that hope...I can have confidence in Christ's return because I have Christ as my righteousness. Not only that, but it is Him at work in me that causes me to obey...without His Spirit, I am nothing...once again an end to me.
So, today as I've taken it easy and have thought alot about this pregnancy and the fears and concerns that I have, I have thought that I need to have an end of me. If I end me, then the struggles and fears of life will pale in comparison to the joys and enjoyment of God.
Lord, please help me to grow in my enjoyment of you that I may become Holy as you are Holy and that me and my desires would die and you would reign in me...in every area. May the view I need to have of you draw me to love you more and may I respond in like to those around me because of what You have shown me, one who is sooooo unworthy. I love you Lord.

Doctor's Visit Yesterday

2006-03-15T09:58:00.000-05:00

It was a crazzzzzy day yesterday. I was thouroughly exhausted by the day's end. We went to the doctor and it was a long visit. I was there from 2:15pm -3:45pm. That makes for a really long appointment. However, the doctor listened to all my concerns and responded very well (I think) and he even did an ultrasound and we were able to see our baby moving and haveing a great heartbeat of 166!!!! The baby is measuring great and everything looked good. The doctor did say that my cervix felt like it was short, so I am having an appointment with a perinatologist soon because they want to check my cervix for cervical incompetance and if that is determined I may have a cerclage done between 13 and 14 weeks (which would be here in the near future). So, I am waiting for them to call me with a time for that and then I will head on to that stage. I am kindof nervous, especially since it was between this visit and the next that we lost Nathan in September, but they are going to keep a close eye on me and if I feel strange at all I am to call and be seen. I am glad for the OB's that I have and Lord willing things will go well and we will have a baby here in the fall!!!! I truly covet all the prayers that are sent up for me as I am nervous about all this testing, but I know that God is in control and that it will go according to His will for me and this precious life that I carry within.

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul know it very well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed subastance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me when as yet there were none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you." ~Psalm 139:13-18

Obedience or Rebellion

2006-03-07T22:33:00.000-05:00

I am very S-L-O-W-L-Y going through Isaiah and as I completed chapter 1, many thoughts came to the forefront of my mind:

1. When we continue in our sin and live in hypocracy- God will judge and deal with our sin- especially when we are His own.

2. God promises: Though our sins are red like scarlett, they will be white as snow! God is in the cleansing, refining, and purifying His people buisness.

3. He alone changes us- it's His work and He will do it in His way for our good and for His glory.

4. God- when restoring His own- gives us 2 options:
a. be willing and obedient and see blessing
b. refuse and rebel and "be devoured with the sword."

When we choose disobedience ( and apart from the Grace of God, that is what we do choose), God will judge, God will purify (with fire), and God will restore. It is His work and it is done His way for His glory. WE can submit to His purging and recieve blessing or we can rebel and refuse and be "devoured with the sword" (Is. 1:20 )

What will be your response to His refining?

Lord- give us willing and submissive hearts especially during the difficult and often painful process of purging and cleansing in our lives. May we praise and glorify you even during these times and may we learn to walk in obedience to Your commands all the days of our lives.

In Loving Memory of Nathan Joel

2006-03-03T16:33:00.000-05:00

Today I reached a milestone that 5 and a half months ago seemed like ages away. Today is Nathan's due date. Unfortunately, I am sick today and feeling very terrible, and I guess that's okay, because I am missing our son. I wonder what He would have looked like and what he would have weighed...but what if's are not what God desires us to focus on. We are to press on toward the mark, no matter what trials come our way, so that we can finish the race of life hearing God's "well done." So, today I am thankful for the child the Lord blessed us with and am praising Him for what He has taught me throughout the last few months and look forward to what else He has to teach me until I meet my son in Heaven.

Hypocritical

2006-03-01T16:23:00.000-05:00

I have ben reading Isaiah for the last few weeks and just started an actual "study" by Donna Partow. I really enjoyed reading Chapter one of Isaiah again last night and was challenged by the thoughts from the study. One thing that got me thinking was the topic of being hypocritical. Mrs. Partow asked us what are the prevailing emotions and motives when we are hypocritical. As I thought about it, I thought about the selfish aspect of thinking and acting. Usually if we are hypocritical it is because we want something for ourselves, good image, good opinions, or even attention. In Isaiah 1, the children of Israel were continueing to offer sacrifices to God and yet they were living sinful lives that displeased the Lord.
Sometimes as Christians, it is easy to be hypocritical. We can make everything look good just so we look good; sometimes we make it look bad just becuase we want attention. Those actions are actions of hypocracy. And that is something that displeases the Lord greatly. God deires us to walk in obedience to Him. He longs to bless us and prosper us...and yet too often we settle for just the opposite, His dissappointment and even sometimes His wrath.
Sunday, I was listening to Keith Green's song "To Obey is Better Than Sacrifice" and I was reminded about how God doesn't want motions of sacrificial worship...He wants us and true obedience. Obedience that comes from the heart. Obedience that is not hypocritical.
How can we have that true obedience? How can we live without hypocracy?
One of the first things that comes to mind is repentance. We must repent and ask the Lord's forgiveness and He will forgive us and and cleanse us from our unrighteous acts. (I Jn. 1:9) The next thing that comes to mind is to submit to the Lord and to have our mindset changed with His word (Romans 12:1-2). Ask Him to give us a heart of flesh to obey what He desires us to do and seek to abide in Him (spend time with Him and become one with Him heart and mind) (Exekiel 36:26-27/ John 15:1-7). And then obey. Walk in Obedience to His Word. He desires obedience. He desires us to truly walk in His ways with a clean heart. It is not easy to do and requires daily confession, submission, and surrender to Him to obey in a way that pleases Him. But, living without hypocracy and in true obedience is worth the effort and time.

Children, burden or blessing?

2006-02-28T12:28:00.000-05:00

Today is a special day to me. I am remembering 2 years ago when I was contracting every 5 minutes and wondering if I had overdone it. I went to bed February 28th still contracting although the spacing had let up to every ten minutes. I woke on February 29th,2004 (yes it was leap year) hemorraging and believing that my precious daughter had entered eternity. To my great joy, when we arrived at the hospital, I heard her heartbeat on the monitor and shortly saw her squirming on the ultrasound. A few hours later, she was born, 10:35am, by emergency c-section. I did not get to see her for two more days. However, I was grateful that day that my baby was alive!!!

Here is Lillian, out of her "extra special" home, the isollette, and in clothes given to her by Great Grandma Donna.

Now, two years later we are rejoicing that she is healthy, beautiful, and happy as a two year old!!! I can't believe it. The first six and a half weeks were such a rollercoster of emotions, me recovering and struggling with high blood pressure and Lillian in the hospital fighting (quite strongly) for her life. And now we happily enjoy her and are excited to look forward to another child due this fall.

I must admit that this morning didn't start out well. I have struggled so much with negativity in my life. I really get angry when people complain about my children and refer to them as burdens. I can't even begin to count the times that I hear, "You can't do ..... because of your girls" or "If I had to deal with your kids, I would lose it" or other hurtful comments like that. After the initial anger passes I begin to evaluate why these comments are made. Now I know I am NOT a perfect parent and I am praying and beseeching the Lord for my children's salvation and for them to grow to be like Him inspite of my sinfulness. But I really don't believe that those comments are meant for my children alone, but for children in general. For that is the world's mindset. Children interfere with "our" desires and the things that "I" may want to do. The feminist mindset is such: "pursue your dreams and goals...why bother wasting your mind on such a mindless and dead-end job like mothering". That, I believe is one of the greatest reasons that children are seen as a hinderance...thanks to the feminist's mindset...which really is a sinful mindset begun in the Garden of Eden with Eve.
The only way that mindest can be eradicated is with the Word of God. We must ask the Lord to change our minds and transform them into His mind. We need to develope a Biblical mindset to counter the ever present and sometimes dominating views and ideas of the world. So, I want to mention some verses that have helped to "transform" my mind in the last few years.

"Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, and the fruit of the womb a
reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's
youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be
put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." Psalm 127:3-5

The psalmist here is talking about the Lord building the home and watching the city. It is vain to do anything without Him being the one orchestrating and watching over it. And then, the psalmist goes on to talk about children being the heritage God gives one. Nothing can we take out of this world outside of the souls of men and our children are a great responsibility and blessing that we can take with us to eternity. I have always liked that it says "like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth" because haveing children at a young age is like haveing arrows for battle. How awesome of a picture is that?! Children can be our greatest assets in this thing called life. And that is what a man (and his wife)are blessed with.

"Blessed is everyone who fears the LORD, who walks in his ways! You shall eat
the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be
well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house;
your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus
shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD." Psalm 128:1-4

This passage is talking about the ones who fear the Lord and follow Him. This is how they are blessed: with a fruitful wife (in those days children were also considered among the wealth of a man. Barrenness was often thought of as a curse in those days.) and children like olive shoots (referring to a good number...which there is no set "number"). That is how the man who fears the Lord will be blessed. Not only that, but the psalm concludes with a blessing for that person to see their children's children (vs. 6). So even seeing your Grand-children is a great blessing from the LORD.

I could continue with many more, but I am going to have to stop here. Children are a GREAT blessing from the Lord, and if children are viewed as an inconvienience and a burden and a hinderance to what "one" wants to do, then it is to that persons's shame. As for me, I want to daily have my mindset changed and instead of being irritated at my children for any "inconvienience" thay may cause me, rejoice in them as the blessing and heritage they are from the LORD.

Ultrasound Tomorrow Morning~ Updated

2006-02-20T21:18:00.000-05:00

Please pray for me as tomorrow morning I am having another ultrasound done. I am really hoping that things will be good, but I must be still and let God do His work in my life as well as in the life of this child He has blessed us with.

" Glory in His holy name; let the hears of those who seek the LORD rejoice!
Seek the LORD and his strength; seek His presence continually" ~Ps. 105:3-4

Update: Ultrasound went good. Our baby measured right on for 8 weeks and the heartbeat was 154! I am so glad everything went well...and I am looking forward to seeing how this pregnancy continues to progress. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

Not My Will

2006-02-08T19:23:00.000-05:00

I don't know if you have ever read the old book entitled "Not My Will"
by Francena Arnold. It is an absolutely powerful book about the folly of us trying to run our own lives instead of submitting to God and seeking to Glorify and Please Him. I haven't read the book all that recently, but I can remember staying up until 2 am reading it and weeping my eyes out. It is an incredible book and a great reminder. If you haven't read it, I encourage you to pick it up and read it some time.
The reason I am thinking and talking about this book is because I sit here tonight thinking of the things that I would love to control and have go according to "my plan" that are not. Now, I have learned alot about surrendering in the past few months and would even like to think I'm getting it, but every single day, the LORD is showing me again....I DON'T!
This week I had an ultrasound for my current pregnancy. I was going in thinking that I was 6wks 4 days to find out I am only 6 weeks and we didn't get to see a heartbeat. I was, needless to say, dissappointed. I wanted the encouragement that everything is going good. Instead, I must be patient and wait 2 weeks for another ultrasound. Now, my first response was...this is ridiculous. Why am I again struggleing with this idea of surrendering to God's will and plan when dealing with Nathan's death was so much easier it seemed. However, I see that it is because that was over...this is continuing...and I am desparately longing to hold and meet this child. I have loved each of my children, but I am so fearful that the LORD just might say "Not this time" once again.
Jesus Himself, being completely human and completely God, struggled with going to the cross. And yet in His struggleing, He proclaimed, not publicly but in prayer to His Father, "Not my will, but Thine be done." I am not God. I am completely human in everyway. But the same Spirit that resided in Christ, resides in me, helping me to become more like HIM!!!! So as I sit here, fearful of the future and struggling with my thoughts, I desire to say, "Not my will."
Lord, teach me to follow you and surrender each situation to Your hand, not asking for answers, but knowing that You truly know what I need so much better than I. Help me to bring you honor and glory in this pregnancy and each day that I am able to live by Your grace.

Hymn Focus for my Pregnancy

2006-02-06T14:07:00.000-05:00

A week ago, I was in Michigan and was blessed by the Special Music that morning in the church I grew up in. My cousins did an excellent rendition of "Alleluia" with "All that Thrills My Soul". As I sat listening to the beautiful music and listened to the lyrics, it was almost like the LORD was prompting me and saying, "This is what I want you to focus on during your pregnancy. I desire to thrill your soul and life...even more than this child that I am blessing you with."
So, at the Lord's stirring, I am seeking to meditate on His word and this hymn specifically during my current pregnancy.

All that Thrills my Soul by Thoro Harris

vs. 1: Who can cheer the heart like Jesus, By His presence all divine?
True and tender, pure and precious, O how blest to call Him mine!

Refrain: All that thrills my soul is Jesus, He is more than life to me;
And the fairest of ten thousand In my blessed Lord I see.

vs. 2: Love of Christ so freely given, Grace of God beyond degree,
Mercy higher than the heaven, Deeper than the deepest sea!

vs. 3: What a wonderful redemption! Never can a mortal know
How my sin, though red like crimson, Can be whiter than the snow.

vs. 4: Every need His hand supplying, Every good in Him I see;
On His strength divine relying, He is all in all to me.

vs. 5: By the crystal flowing river With the ransomed i will sing,
And forever and forever Praise and glorify the King!

Refrain: All that thrills my soul is Jesus He ismore than life to me;
And the fairest of ten thousand in my blessed Lord I see.

It is my prayer that my Lord will be my desire and the thrill of my soul. I pray that He too is the thriller of your soul as well.

A little bit of fun!!!!

2006-01-31T11:44:00.000-05:00

Here is my pregnancy counter...I've always thought they were fun...so here's mine.

Joy Mixed with Fear

2006-01-26T16:22:00.000-05:00

Those of you who read my blog know my passion for children and the sorrow of the losses that I have experienced. I have been quite busy this week because last weekend we found we are expecting again! Now, while I am so excited that we are blessed again with the hope of a new baby, I have also felt quite fearful. I have found my prayers have turned often selfish with an apology afterward for my selfishness and lack of trust in the LORD's goodness. I desire to trust the LORD and yet in my flesh, I fail. When I am pregnant, my favorite book to read is the Psalms, because I am reminded of God's character and yet I can see the Psalmist understanding my thoughts. So, my goal is to memorize some Scriptures to help "Calm my anxious heart" (to quote one of my favorite books by Linda Dillow. I know that God's Word brings comfort and peace. But I also covet the prayers of the saints on our behalf. I desire to have God's will fulfilled in my life and I want to trust Him unreservedly, but I find that it is difficult without the help of the LORD. So, I ask each of you who happen to read this little blog, to pray for me that I will trust the gracious and loving Hand of God, no matter what happens. And I am also going to ask that as the Lord would stir His Word in your heart, that you would share some Scriptures with me that I may be encouraged.
So, now we wait and watch for the Lord to work! And in the mean time praise the LORD for the goodness of blessing us with another child!!!! Praise be His Glorious Name!!!!!!

Aside note: I also love hymns and am always encouraged. If you have a hymn or song to share...that would be great too!!!! Thanks.

Books, Books, and More Books!

2006-01-11T11:48:00.000-05:00

I am extremely excited!!! Today my order from CBD came in! I am anxious to delve into the books I've purchased. I am currently reading two excellent books. The first being A Mom After God's Own Heart and the second being When Godly People Do Ungodly Things. So, I may not get into them as soon as I would like...new books always excite me!!!! However, I must get these others finished first. Then I will have some new ones to go through.
I am going to be starting another study. I am going to begin Isaiah. This time as I go through it, I will not only be reading it on my own, but I will be using the study Extracting the Precious from Isaiah by Donna Partow. I have read her before, and am anxious to see what I will learn as I study one of my favorite books of the Bible.
I can't wait to begin. I love reading books, but the most important book I can spend time in is the Word of God. In it contains everything I need for life and godliness. The book, A Mom After God's Own Heart, has been a great reminder for me. As I am seeking to raise up Godly young ladies, I need to spend time in God's Word to have the resources I need to train them. She has been speaking often of Deuteronomy 6:4-12 which says this:

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to yoru children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates....then take care lest you forget the LORD, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery."

God has commanded parents to be the teachers of His Word everyday in every situation. But, one can't teach what they do not know. And we can't know God's Word unless we get into it and read it. He alone can give us the wisdom and words to bring Him honor and glory as we train and teach our children.
So, while I am anxious to read the books written by mere man, I pray that I will have the same anxious excitement to read the Book of Books - the Word of God.

Pray for John Piper

2006-01-06T16:19:00.000-05:00

God is amazing. Right after I posted that article on suffering, I went to Girl Talk, another blog I enjoy, and recieved the news that John Piper has prostate cancer. I encourage you to read this and pray for a man God has used and is using to glorify Himself.

The Path of Suffering

2006-01-06T15:29:00.000-05:00

In the past month or so, I have been reading "Desiring God" by John Piper. It always amazes me how the Lord puts people/books/things in your life to reinforce the things He is teaching you. As I reread my past blog entries, I was amazed at the continual theme...God's sovereignty. However another theme I noticed was suffering...as I do tend to talk often of the loss of our son Nathan a few months ago when I was 15 and a half weeks into my pregnancy. These themes have been my focus the last few months because that is what I am learning...that is what I am seeing about God. The last chapter in "Desiring God" is titled "Suffring: The Sacrifice of Christian Hedonism". This chapter, needless to say, brought much contemplation as well as comfort. In it, Pastor Piper converses about the life of Paul as being a life of chosen suffering. Then he continued on to talk about whether or not their is a difference between suffering we choose and suffering we don't choose, such as cancer. I really, really appreciated what he wrote in that reguard. I would like to share it with you now.

"The suffering that comes is part of the price of living where you are in obedience to the call of God. In choosing to follow Christ in the way He directs, we choose all that this path includes under His sovereign providence. Thus, all suffering that comes in the path of obedience is suffering with Christ and for Christ-whether it is cancer or conflict. And it is "chosen"- that is, we willingly take the path of obedience where the suffering befalls us and we do not murmer against God. We may pray-as Paul did-that the suffering be removed (II Corinthians 12:8); but if God wills, we embrace it in the end as part of the cost of discipleship in the path of obedience on the way to heaven." (pg. 256-257)

This was such an encouragement to me. Sometimes I often feel that the trials in my life are not as big as say someone being persecuted physically for Christ. I can't imagine their suffering and yet, as I deal with the situations in my life, such as losing a child, I am partaking of suffering with and for Christ as I embrace it as part of the cost of following Christ even as they are. Not only that, but Pastor Piper continues to say that the purpose for all suffering is the same: " more contentment in God and less satisfaction in self and the world." (pg. 265)
As we learn to make Him our ultimate satisfaction and our ultimate treasure and goal, Pastor Piper goes on to say the following:

"If we rely on Him in our calamity and He sustains our 'rejoicing in hope', the He is shown to be the all-satisfying God of grace and strength that He is. If we hold fast to Him 'when all around our soul gives way,' then we show that He is more to be desired than all we have lost." (pg. 266)

That is what we should desire for others to see- that He is enough. That He is all they will ever need.
For me this has been a tremendous encouragement. I am learning that God truly is all that I need, that it is He alone who can satisfy. I know it in my heart and soul, and yet I know my life doesn't always say that...especially lately as longing for a child has been so great a yearning that I have felt like Hannah beseaching the Lord to grant my request (although unlike her, I have two beautiful daughters). However, as I continue to strive to die to self and to live a joyful life reveling in the greatness and goodness of my Sovereign God, I pray that others will see that He is enough. That He will meet and supply every single need, want, desire they may have with the best thing of all- Himself.
It is my deepest prayer that as I go on seeking to trust and obey God that others will see in me, through the Grace of God, that He alone is all I will ever need. I found this quote, I don't remember where, and when I penned it in my quote book, I see the author's name is unknown. I have a feeling that this author experienced some of the same sorrowful sufferings as I and I know he or she was learning that our Lord truly is enough. I pray that this will be my hearts desire as I go on life's road and that you will find the same desire in your heart as well.

"'Tis far, far better to let Him choose
The way that we should take
If only we leave our lives to Him
He will guide without mistake.
We in our blindness would never choose
A pathway dark and rough
And so we should ever find in Him
'The God who is enough.'"
~Author Unknown

Back from Christmas "Break"

2006-01-05T12:16:00.000-05:00

I have not written in soooooo long due to the season we just passed. I crazily decided to make many of the gifts this Christmas...and many were quilts. With sick children, finishing up college semester for my hubby, and just many things to do, I am afraid that the blog took the burner that never got turned on. :) However, I hope to put some more time and thought into this little project I have.
I did finish my book,"Desiring God" and was greatly encouraged by the thoughts contained within it's pages. I have much I am thinking and meditating on...maybe it will come out in some posts. I did recieve more books for Christmas which are on my "To Read" list. I have started a neat book from one of my all time favorite authors (Elizabeth George) entitled "A Mom After God's Own Heart" which I am currently enjoying. I have more books to read after that...and after recieving more books...I used a gift certificate I had for CBD and purchased some more books. I am a book lover...that anyone who knows me can attest to.
We have only a few more days until my husband begins another semester of school. I am not looking forward to this time as he is tackleing 18 credit hours this semester. Between that and working 45+ hours per week, we may not see much of him. I hope I can stay sane!!! I am one of those women who could have their husband around 24/7 and never get tired of having him around. I don't like him away. However, I know that this "season" of life will soon be over and I can't wait to see what the Lord has for us once school is done.
Well...enough rambling on. I hope to write again real soon.

Meditations on Christmas

2005-12-01T21:03:00.000-05:00

This is one of my favorite times of the year. I don't particularly like the cold, but I do love the lights, Christmas music, and time to see family. In light of the many things that I have been learning in my life, I have been in awe of the birth of Christ. As I've listened to Christmas music, there have been a few times I have cried as I have thought of the spectacular event that took place so many many years ago as well as thinking of those who were privilaged to celebrate this most wonderful birth.
Now thousands of years later, we rejoice in the birth of Christ. We celebrate it with almost a hint of hypocracy for our rejoicing often is the rejoicing of the gifts we recieve each year. As I spend time creating gifts for my family, I hope that they take great pleasure in my efforts, but I hope even more than that that my small token of my love for them will bring into remembrance the greatest Gift of all and the greatest token of love-Jesus Christ.
I have been listening to Selah's "Rose of Bethlehem" cd. On it is a song titled "Mystery". It is a really neat song talking about Christ's birth and how it's a mystery and yet even greater still that it was God's plan and will for Christ to die. I've been studying alot about mysteries of God. I don't understand so many things about Him and yet I am so grateful that He is who He is and that I don't need to understand~ just be grateful. I am grateful for His birth, but even more grateful for His death and resurrection. Yet, without each event, I could not have the hope of standing before Almighty God and know that I am right with Him through His Son. What an awesome mystery and a reason for great rejoicing and celebration.

What I am Thankful for ~ Part D

2005-11-22T15:31:00.000-05:00

"Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays aawake in vain...Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, and the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate." Psalm 127:1,3-5 (ESV)

Today I received some good news. My husband and I had some tests done after we lost Nathan in September. I was hoping that they would give us some idea of why we were no longer going to meet our precious son on this earth. However, all the tests came back normal. There is nothing wrong physically with either of us!!!! I am so grateful for that. However, it has left me puzzled. What happened? How could our son be growing normally and then suddenly be comming without any warning or reason? While my flesh puzzles at these questions, my spirit is at rest knowing that it is God who holds my precious son now, even as he knew and held him then. And that is the same God who holds my life in His hands. So, today I am thankful for the heritage of children that the Lord has blessed me with.
I love Psalm 127. It is a great comfort to those who have children and those grieveing over the loss of children or the lack of children because of the first verse, "Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain." We do not build our homes...the LORD builds them. Not only does he provide the building, but the family within. If we try to build it in our own time or in our own way, we are building in vain. That is how I know that as long as I keep surrendering each area of my home to my LORD and allow Him to build and add, it will not be done in vain.
The Lord has blessed us with 5 children, 2 on earth and 3 in heaven. These are the LORD's additions to our home. They are a heritage from Him. They are to bring glory to Him here on earth. They are testimonies of HIS faithfulness and love. Not only that, but if we allow the LORD to build us and them, perhaps the LORD will use them to bring honor to my husband and I even with our "enemies in the gates". What an incredible responsibility and honor.
Our children who have gone before us, are giving glory to God personally as I write and they can bring glory to Him here on earth through my sharing of what He has done through my experiences in losing them. Our children are a great gift from the LORD.
I want to encourage you if you are single to not waste any minutes pining over not having this special treasure. God is in control of your life and if you surrender to Him and let him build your life, it will not be lived in vain. He has treasures immesurable for you!!!!
If you are reading this and you have no children or have experienced loss, God is building your family in His time and way. This season/ life He has you in is a blessed one as well. Surrender to Him and see how FULL your life will be even while your arms are aching or empty!
If you have children and are reading, let the LORD build them. Surrender yourself to be used of the LORD to train them in HIS ways. Let Him use you to shape their little hearts and minds for HIM!!!
Oh the fruitfulness of letting HIM be the master builder. He already has the plan, let Him build freely in you and me!!!!!!!

Oh, as an aside, the LORD has expanded our home this year, not by children, but in providing our first home!!!! It has been a blessing...so in gratefulness for God building our home with our two precious girls, let me compliment that with gratefulness for the LORD providing a home for His use!!!!!!

What I am Thankful For ~ Part C

2005-11-21T16:59:00.000-05:00

Today has been a relatively restful day. We all have been recovering from sickness. My dear husband was still not feeling well yesterday. Today, he spent the entire day doing homework he was hoping to have done sooner. However, he spent all of Friday night either at work or helping me and Lillian who were very sick until 5am! Then, he cared for us all day Saturday until he got sick! Today I am going to write about the thankfulness for my Husband.
As different as we are in many ways, the Lord has truly matched us. When I was in Jr. High and High School, one of my favorite quotes was, "God gives the very best to those who leave the choice with Him." I cannot remember where I heard it or read it, but it stuck with me...and I know I got the very best!!! He loves the Lord and his family with all his heart. He is very selfless in that he always is looking for ways to encourage and help others. He sacrifices time for sleep to be with his family all while working many hours a week and taking a full college load. He loves others and we have people in our home continually. Others know he is special and I always enjoy hearing him praised.
I love the passage in Ephesians 5 that talks about the roles of husband's and wives. It talks about wives submitting to their own husbands as they are the head just as Christ is the head of the church. Then it continues on to talk about how the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it so that it would be pure and holy and blameless when it is presented to Himself. I love that passage because it gives a clear picture of complimenting roles in the home. It is also challenging because it is a high and holy calling God has given to those of us who are married. The husband is to love his wife in the same selfless-giving of himself-act that Christ exemplified when he died on the cross. Not only that but Christ did it to present to himself a pure and holy people-without spot. In this same way, husbands are to make sure they have a pure and holy wife. That would completely scare me!!! And yet, I write all this explination to praise my husband who takes his responsibility seriously. He repremands me when I need it, lovinly comforts me when I see my failtures, and loves me with such a selfless love that I know comes only from his dependance on the Lord and His Word. We have only been married for just over 4 years and my love for him continues to grow greater as I watch the Lord work in his life.
My Beloved, know that this comes from a woman who is so grateful for the husband she has been given. We may not be perfect until we see Christ face to face, but there is no one I would rather be journying heavenward with than with you. I love you so very much.

Here we are on our wedding day. How grateful I am for our marriage!!!

What I am Thankful For ~Part B

2005-11-20T19:10:00.000-05:00

I haven't blogged since Friday as I have had a really bad case of the flu!!! In fact our whole family has had it. Ariana was sick Thursday night, Lillian and I on Friday night, me all day Saturday, and my dear husband Saturday night. I feel like it is taking us forever to get back together. I am still so weak and still not quite back to normal....
However since I am feeling okay right now, I wanted to write something more I am thankful for.
I am most grateful for the Lord's saving grace in my life. I had the privilage of growing up in a home where living for the Lord was encouraged and exemplified. I trusted Christ as my Lord and Saviour at the age of 7 and while I believe I knew what He had done for me and why, I didn't seek to please Him in every area of my life. When I was 10, through some silly childhood fight, I realized I didn't desire to please God and that made me question whether I was really going to heaven or not. I talked with my mom and that day I made sure that I was- not only did I reaffirm that I believed Jesus was God's Son, sent to die for my sin and then came back to life 3 days later, but I also surrendered my life to Him. I can honestly say that I saw such a great change in my life after that. I really wanted to follow Him and obey Him in every way. I know that was the Holy Spirit working in my life and making me more like Jesus.
The Lord has taught me so much and daily I am seeing areas that I need to keep surrendering to Him. I am not completely like Him yet, but I know that He is making me more like Himself everyday. "Being confident of this very thing, that He which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6 I know He began this work, He is continuing this work, and He alone will finish it!!!

Thank you Lord for so great a Salvation!!!!

What I am Thankful For~ Part A

2005-11-18T13:54:00.000-05:00

I have already shared this week a few of my treasures and things that I am thankful for. Crystal has encouraged us to blog about what we are thankful for and so I will attempt to do the same each day for the next week. I am surely thankful for many things, but in light of the day today I am going to write something a little different than what I might normally start with.
Today I am most thankful for my mother-in-law.

Here she is with our youngest, Lillian.

I am so grateful to the Lord for giving me such a precious mother-in-law. Seeing as I live a few hours from my own mother, and she is close by, I have appreciated all that she has done for us and for the time I have been able to spend with her (especially our tea times). She is a glowing example of what a godly woman is which has been set forth in Scripture. She loves her husband, children, and grandchildren selflessly. Even in the midst of trials of her own, she is available to listen, hug, hold and cry with you in the midst of yours. She is the crown of her husband and seeks to do him good everyday of his life. Many women would have thrown off such a burden as caring for a bed-ridden, sick husband, however, she does it with such grace and love that you see Christ at work in her. This woman homeschools, encourages others in her church and friendships while caring for her husband. She has trained her children well (I know because I am reaping the benefits of a godly mother through being married to her son.) I know she would say it is by God's grace alone. I desire to be like her in so many ways and pray that the Lord would teach me through her. I love her dearly and want to wish her a very special Birthday.

"Her children ( and daugher-in-laws) rise up and call her blessed..." Proverbs 31:28

Happy Birthday Mom!!!

The Blessing of Children

2005-11-17T10:52:00.000-05:00

"And she (Hannah)said, 'Oh, my lord! As you live, my lord, I am the woman who was standing here in your presence, praying to the LORD. For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to the LORD. As long as he lives, he is lent to the LORD." I Samuel 1:26-27

Often times, I feel like Hannah. I have wanted to have many children since I was young and when I got married I was anxious to see the LORD fulfill the desires in my heart. Hannah may have felt the same way...desirous to the recieve the blessings of children. However, the LORD didn't fulfill that desire of hers when she thought it should happen...it wouldn't be fulfilled until the LORD determined it was time. And when God satisfied her longing, she returned her son, Samuel, back to the LORD to serve Him.
I am young and have two beautiful girls. However, I do understand the praying for my children and surrendering them back to the LORD. And what great joy there is for a mother to see her prayers fulfilled and what peace when she is willing to put them where they belong-back to the LORD!!! I didn't understand it much before and as I grow in the LORD I am sure I will not undestand it fully until I reach heaven, however my children are teaching it to me yearly.
With my first, Ariana, I concieved easily and didn't have too much trouble until the end when we were induced 3 weeks early because of blood pressure problems. Then I concieved again before she was a year and the Lord took that baby to be with Him when I was only 6 weeks pregnant. A month later, we found out we were expecting another blessing and while I was nervous due to my loss before, things went surprisingly well for awhile. I didn't however know that the LORD would use this child to teach me of His grace, soverignty, and even more what it means to surrender my children into His great hand.
We experienced normal pregnancy ails until 30 weeks. When I reached 30 weeks, I was very busy involved in the JR. High ministry in our church. We had a teen event on February 28th which I was heavily involved in. Later in the day I began contracting alot. I had alot practice contractions since 20 weeks, but these were diffrent. We left the event early and went home. I called the doctor and he assumed, as did I, that I just overdid it. My friend who was a massage therapist came over to our home and gave me a massage to try to relax me in hopes that the contractions would let up if I took it more easy. A couple who are good friends of ours stayed over since we are closer to church and that proved to be a great blessing.
Early in the morning on February 29th,2004, I woke hemorraging and we went to the hospital. They checked and our daughter, Lillian Grace ( we chose the name just a few weeks before), seemed to be doing well and they decided I was in labor and tried to stop the contractions. I was quite anxious and my husband kept reminding me of what I had been learning from a great book titled "Calm my Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. I had been working on controlling my thoughts with God's Word. He had me quote the verses I had been learning and encouraged and prayed with me that I would remember them. Not long later, both Lillian and I began having some problems and they decided to deliver her via c-section. Praise God for giving them clear thinking because after she was delievered we were told that I had severe preeclamsia (complication in pregnancy involving high blood pressure, protein in urine, severe swelling and other problems) and over a 50% placental abruption. If they had waited, we may not have lived, but we know God was in control over that!!!!
She was born weighing 3lbs. 1oz. and was beautiful (although I didn't see her other than pictures until 2 days later because I had been put under for the surgery and needed lots of care and she was taken to another hospital to be in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.)

Here she is just over a week and being compared to a beenie baby.
She was in the hospital for 6 and a half weeks and came home alittle over 5lbs. While she was there, I was encouraged by II Corinthians 4:15 ~" For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God." I know God gave great grace and we wanted all the praise and glory for the things He'd done to go to Him.

Here she is just a couple days after going home.
It's been almost 2 years and in those years we've experience the loss of two more children, one at 10 and a half weeks gestation, and our son, Nathan Joel, who went to be with the Lord at 15 and a half weeks gestation this past September 11th. In all this, the Lord continues to pour out His grace and teach me more of Himself. Oh the blessings that our children bring, blessings of joy with them here with us and blessings of showing us the Lord here and also while they are at home with Him. May we each continue to seek after the Lord and learn of Him even through some of our greatest blessings- children.

I know this picture is old, but it is one of my favorites. I hope you enjoy it.

My most precious earthly treasure

2005-11-16T15:11:00.000-05:00

The Lord has richly blessed me with an incredible husband. I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am that God's plan included him!!!! There is no one on earth that I would rather journey life with than him.

A few of the treasures in my life

2005-11-16T15:05:00.000-05:00

These are my precious girls. They are testimonies of God's hand in my life. Especially my youngest, my little Lillybug. Soon I will have to share her story.
Here they are enjoying our new backyard. They especially love the teeter totter. Arn't they adorable.

Peace and Joy Divine

2005-11-16T14:39:00.000-05:00

I really love to study theology. I believe that good doctrine is an essential part of living a life that glorifies God. So while I love to read about applying God's truths to my live, I also enjoy reading books that discuss pillers of faith. I am currently reading Desiring God by John Piper. I have desired to read this book and was able to purchase it at a discount Christian book store for a few dollars while on vacation. I am only at the beginning, but I think it's neat how the Lord convicts us on truths in His Word through His word and then uses other believers, whether by word or print, to encourage us on these truths. Such has God been doing in my life in the area of His Sovereignty.
This year has felt like such a long year for me. I experienced sorrow in my life earlier this year that left me wondering whether I really believed God was in complete control or whether it was mere chance that this happened. I questioned "Why?" and for what purpose had this happened. The same sorrow repeated itself 5 and a half months later and through God's word and other avenues, when I faced this sorrow again, I experienced a peace and joy that I can only explain was God at work in me. I do beleve that part of it was due in part for the lessons He has taught me in the area of His sovereignty. Today as I was reading John Piper, I was greatly encouraged by his definition of God's soverignty. He states, "'Our God is in the heavens; he does all that he pleases'(Psalm 115:3). The implication of this text is that God has the right and power to do whatever makes Him happy. That is what it means to say that God is sovereign." (Desiring God page 32)
God works everything in our lives for His purpose and for His pleasure and ultimately for His glory. That alone can be what gives us joy and peace even in the midst of challenging situations. I know that my life will continue to contain aspects which will be sorrowing and troublesome. I know that pain will come to my life again. It is my prayer and hope that I will never cease to remember that it for God's purpose, God's pleasure, and God's glory. That alone is the place where I know I can find true joy. That is the place where I want every moment of my life to be lived.

Information on some of my links

2005-11-15T22:19:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to make anyone who comes here aware of some of the great resources I've been blessed to locate through various avenues.

Doorposts
~ a great resource for families. It encourages incorperating the Word of God in eveyday life and provides encouragement in fufilling the God-given responsibility of raising children who bring Glory and Honor to Him.

Clearplay
~ Today even movies that are entertaining and have good morals often have things which makes it even more difficult to watch or recommend. If you enjoy a good movie and want to rid yourself of some junk, Clearplay offers a great alternative. Check it out.

Biblical Womanhood
~An awesome encouragement for young women to become the kind of woman that pleases the Lord and brings honor to the headship in her life. Crystal offers encouragement through articles, books, audio, and also in her life's testimony. I have been greatly encouraged and challenged by both her resources and her blog. Make sure to check them out.

WholeHeart Ministries
~I can't even begin to tell you what an encouragement this ministry has been to me as a wife and mother. I read Sally Clarkson in January of last year and soaked up her godly wisdom for the rest of the year as I devoured her books. As a young mother, I have found her encouragement to be pertinant to applying and living out God's Word. I had the privilage of hearing her as well as meeting her at a homeschooling conference in October of 2004. Her family is a testimony to God's great grace and what can happen to a family that surrenders to Him. Take time to check their website out.

Ladies Against Feminism
~In a world where feminism filtrates every aspect of life, including the church, there is a need for women to encourage other women in following the Biblical roles set forth in Scripture. This place offers encouragement as well as seeks to unveil the deceptions modern feminists make. I have found great encouragement here.

Vision Forum
~Here is a website with a God focused vision. I have been greatly encouraged and challenged by this minstry as well as by their cry for Biblical vision and daily living out God's commands. They offer great resources for families.

I hope you will take time to check out some of these great websites. They will offer encouragemnt to you as you journey Heavenward.

note: I want you to know that I tried to link to the websites in my post, but I am afraid I am computer illiterate and am just learning how to do this. Make sure you use the links on the sidebar. Thank you.

Sovereignly His

2005-11-15T11:23:00.000-05:00

I have been reading the book of Ephesians since last week. Once again I have been completely amazed and overwhelmed by God's Sovereignty in my life. As I read chapter one of Ephesians last week, I was amazed at how God has chosen to bless us in Christ just as He chose us to be adopted children and to be holy and blameless before HIM. And it wasn't an aimless decision either, it was for the "purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace..."(vs 5-6). Now, I am reading chapter two and once again I can see God's great soverignty once again. Even while dead and living in obedience to my sinful nature, God, rich in mercy, loved me and made me alive in HIM through His great grace. That grace wasn't due to any merit of my own, but to show "the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus." (2:7) Not only that, but I am His workmanship-I am not making myself, but He is making me- created through His Son for doing good works which "God prepared beforehand". He planned it all!!!! So that I would do them!!! I am completely amazed. While I, in my flesh and sinfulness, choose to go my own way, how humbled and grateful I am to know that God is at work in my life, making me into what He wants me to be for the purposes He has for me.
This thought encourages and strengthens me as I journey on this stream of life. There are many branches and rocks that sometimes make my way bumpy and many rageing rapids that often times turn my world upside down. However, because of God's mercy, grace, and love, and in His sovereign plan for my life I know that He is working all things for His glory and praise and that in the end it is working His glory and grace in my life according to His purpose for me. Oh, that I were more eternally minded that the situations of life would dim with these thoughts.
May we live certain that God has a purpose for our lives and certain that we will one day see His glory more clearly than we do today.

Grace and Peace

2005-11-14T15:19:00.000-05:00

Hello. My name is Amy and this is my blog. I titled it Watered Spring based off of one of my favorite verses in Scripture, Isaiah 58:11
"And the LORD will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire in scorched places, and give strength to your bones; and you will be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."
That is what I want to be...a watered spring that doesn't fail and I know I cannot be that apart from the great Grace of God. I hope that this will also be a place where others too can see God's grace at work in me and that they too will be refreshed and encouraged. I don't know how many will read this, but I hope that if you have found me that you will find these things to be so.