Shocked

That is the only word that I can think of to describe the feeling I am experiencing right now. I am trying so hard to not be fretful, but I really can't believe it!
What, you may be asking? Well, last night I passed a test I was most certainly not planning on passing anytime in the near future...however the Lord has other plans than I do. So, we are expecting our newest blessing sometime around Christmas!
So, now to pray for a song for focusing on and Scripture to meditate on.

31 Days to Clean

I didn't realize I needed to post about this book, but I am soooo excited at the idea of being able to try this out...the book is reasonably priced and I think would be great for anyone up for the challenge of getting a clean home, but also a vision for having a God honoring home! Hoping I will be able to get it and look forward to following the challenge in the month of May. If you are interested...follow the link!

http://www.31daystoclean.com/

"Mercies in Disguise"

Thoughtful meditations these days. I don't know what my deal is, but I really have had so many great things happen in the last few days. My sweet sister, Angela, delivered her second son, Owen Augustine, on Wednesday. We sure rejoice over this new little life, and pray that he will grow to love the Savior! My sister did great...I only wish I was there to love on him and kiss his sweet face!
This past week marked 6 months since Tobin went to be the Lord. While I grieved along with my sister in that his presence is greatly missed, I rejoiced that the Lord has opened her womb once again. We are certainly praying for health for this little one, and I look forward with anticipation to celebrating this child's birth in the fall. We will continue to miss Tobin and look forward to the day "He will wipe our tears" and we will get to know him.
Despite all these wonderful things, I can't put my finger on why I still feel sorrow. It is so puzzling. I have certainly seen so many great blessings lately in the lives of my family and even in my own life. Yesterday, I heard the song "Blessings" by Laura Story. I literally wept. Here are the words to "Blessings" by Laura Story~

"We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

(Chorus)
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
As long as we have faith to believe

Chorus

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Chorus

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise"

Laura Story's testimony on this song was so neat to hear. I found myself echoing her sentiments. It is certainly easy to talk about blessings when things are good. We know God is sovereign; we know with-holds no good thing from His children. Yet, when we experience sorrow or difficult circumstances, we do not say, "Hey! See how God is blessing me!" Often times we question what we have done to deserve this (questioning if we are sinning or not), we get angry at God, we declare He cannot love us because He is not giving what we deem is "good", ....and the list goes on. I am learning (and perhaps this is why I weep) that my good is often what God brings in difficulty. I am learning to see Him in all things. I am growing more and more thirsty for His presence and my eternal home. Do I see this all the time? Absolutely not! That is what makes me more grateful than ever for His grace and His hand constantly leading, guiding, and forgiving.
Today ~ I pray: Father teach me more of You each day, be it joys or trials. Mold me more into Your likeness...Give me a thirst for You....Give me a view of Your mercy and grace which is often disguised by "rain and tears".....Remind me daily that each joy as well as difficulty is a way you are seeking to bless........................................................

A New Resolve

So, I have so many thoughts moving through my head today. The only way I feel I can process them is to write them out...so if you dare to brave the workings of my mind...read on.
Yesterday I had a very wonderful, sweet, challenging conversation with my husband. I am so grateful for his encouragement and listening ear this week as I have worked to process thoughts in my mind. I must admit to feeling quite grouchy this week. I do think some of it is exhaustion with sickness in our home, some is due to the emotions I have experienced the past few weeks, and some is realizing I desperately need to make some changes in my life and not really, truly wanting to make them. As I talked with Andy, I realized (once again...I am such a slow learner) that I am being driven by the "Tyranny of the Urgent". (This phrase is taken from a little booklet I read a year ago and I must pull out and read again.) I am one who is a.) a people pleaser, b.) driven often by emotion, and c.) driven by passion (and not always the best passion!). I love the Lord. I want to please Him. I also want to meet every single need that is brought to my attention or that enters my door. I can't even begin to tell you how often I am confronted by needs of others be it Andy, my children, friends, family, you name it! And quite frankly, I am exhausted! This week really showed how the "urgent" has really dictated my life. One day, I had so many needs/ responsibilities, I felt my sanity leaving me! Unfortunately, I did not respond in a way that was Christ- exalting or gospel oriented. I complained. I whined. My tongue was not under the Spirit's direction, but rather under the control of my sinful, fleshy self. It was not beautiful. Thankfully, I have a wonderful husband who, though he had to receive the brunt of my words, listened and then wisely pointed out a solution.
I have a white board in my kitchen. Quite frankly, it is my third hand and sometimes my only brain. On it, are prayer requests (not all, but a few), our schedule, upcoming events, and very quickly written down notes. In all seriousness, if it is not on that board, it is probably forgotten until it is brought to my attention again and, hopefully, added to that board. My husband pointed out that it doesn't contain my priorities. I am not being driven by what God has placed in my life to be the grid each area of my life must go through. He encouraged me to put my priority list on the board. He added to put what the Lord has placed on my heart to accomplish for that day and then if something else comes up, if it fits-ok- and if not-I must choose to let it go. Now, let me clairfy, I do believe in Providential hindering. God can change what I am doing on a particular day....He can show me what I need to do. However, I do believe that God desires us to do some "planning" to a certain degree. Planning so we are organized, so we are redeeming each precious moment/minute for His glory and honor. I have NOT been doing such a hot job on the redeeming of my time. I start out with a plan, but when someone else comes (most often it is not my husband or children) and they have a "plan" for me, I am often swayed and then struggling because I didn't accomplish what needed to be done. I don't know if I am making any sense, but anyway. So, my new resolve: Prayerfully seek out what God wants me to accomplish based on the priorities He has revealed to me each day. It is going to look alittle bit like this:
1. EACH DAY WILL HAVE A FOCUS:
For example: Monday=laundry focus
Tuesday= kitchen focus
Wednesday= planning/scheduling focus
Thursday = ministering out of my home (shopping/ visiting/ Mom's group)
Friday = major cleaning in prep for the weekend
Saturday = rest/ family fun / various projects
Sunday = worship/ encouragement of others/ rest
That is not a complete list or even what it for sure is, but for example.

2. EACH ACTIVITY I PLAN TO ENGAGE IN WILL FILTER THROUGH MY PRIORITIES:
a. My relationship with the Lord
~praying
~Scripture memory
~Bible Study
~Practicing His presence and seeking to worship Him throughout my tasks

b. My relationship with Andy
~ does this build or hinder my relationship with him
~ will this hinder my energies that ought to be used to minster/ encourage him
~ am I seeking to Love him only after the Lord and above all other earthly relationships.

c. My relationship with my children
~ does this hinder or help me accomplish my responsibility to bring them up in the "discipline and instruction of the Lord"
~ does this hinder the choice Andy and I have made for me to teach and educate our children
~ am I seeking to Love my children only after the Lord and Andy but above all other earthly relationships

d. My home
~ does this take away from my primary ministry to my home which includes the caring for Andy and the kids as well as making our home a place where Christ is seen to all who enter.
~ does this drain my energies to demonstrate the gospel in my home

e. Others
~Is this something that Christ desires to use to encourage my family or friends

These are not complete, but some of the questions/ thoughts I need to think through.

3. I will work on being gracious but bold when confronted with things/ministries that conflict with greater priorities.
I am not very bold when it comes to insisting I can't do something or when saying no. As Andy and I talked, I realized that I feel like saying "no" or "I really can't today" is mean when in fact it is not, especially if done in a loving and gracious manner. I am determined to really seek to be gracious and yet insistent when I need to be. This will be very difficult for me because I am driven sometimes by guilt when I say no and always evaluate and rehash things in my mind. I am praying the Lord will work on my heart and spirit to be wise in my dealings especially with others.
Anyway, these are some of my rambling thoughts. I am praying the Lord will continue to grow me into being the woman He desires me to be.

Ponderings on this the First Day of March

Today, we begin the third month of the year! I can't believe how fast this year is already going! So much is going on and happening in our little home, I must journal a little today.
We are schooling the best we can with all of our sicknesses. My poor Lillian was sick for her birthday yesterday...and yet she still had a smile! I have decided to give up trying to catch up and concluded we will just school as long as we have to in the summer and we will probably start our next school year early to aid in our schooling for next year...apparently we like to be sick all the time in the winter and I need to consider that in our homeschooling. We are loving Sonlight and are working through both the Core 1 and Core 3. I have purchased school for next year and have Lillian completely done and am getting close to being done with Ariana's. I am currently working on our Bible we will be beginning this month. We have been working on memorizing I Corinthians 13 and are learning more and more about loving one another in Word and Deed. We also desire for our children to have a basic understanding of doctrine and are preparing to teach them catechism. I am utilizing a few resources in teaching them this: 1. Studying God's Word Book B 2. Big Truths for Little Kids by Susan Hunt 3. the c.d. "Why Can't I see God?" by Judy Rogers. As we go through these books and discuss the truths found in these, I am hoping to help lay the foundation for them to know God and love Him. Now I am completely aware of the fact that they will not love God without Him working in their lives ("We love Him because He first loved us!"), but I am praying the Lord will bless our meager efforts to teach them. I am looking forward to learning myself!
Sophie is 8 and a half months old and already pulling up and trying to walk along furniture. I can't believe our baby is that big! I am looking forward to continuing to watch her grow and pray she will love Jesus more and more!
I am currently reading a book entitled, Family Driven Faith (link on sidebar). I am loving this book. It has really challenged me to focus on the main things when teaching my children. It is a good read so far...and I am planning to share more as I keep on going through it...
Well, I must say, good-bye for now...more later!

Seasons of Sorrow

These past 8 and a half months have seemed to be some of the hardest months for me as well as for those around me. Each week, it seems like more and more often difficult circumstances overwhelm the positives. However, I do see God teaching me so much.
I am currently reading a few books, and one of them is the book The Sacred Sorrow by Michael Card. If you have not read it, it really is a "must read" if you want to really expand and grow in your worship of the Lord. I have been reading about Job and have been reminded of the struggle he experienced throughout his season of trials. I was reminded of his initial response to the "bad news" he received ~ he worshiped God. So many times, my initial response is not worship. It is more often sorrow and pity. As I read this book, I am reminded of another book entitled The misery of Job and the Mercy of God by John Piper, which I currently have lent out. But that book too, reminded me often of God's Sovereignty even in Job's sorrows.
Today I found an article I printed off many many years ago before I was even married. In it, I was reminded of the fact that "Whatever happens is assigned...Every assignment is measured and controlled for my eternal good." ~ Elisabeth Elliot So many times we talk about the "blessings" God has given us, but we don't like to see the sorrow's as something give to us lovingly from His hand. As the old hymn says, "Every joy or trial, falleth from above. Placed upon our dial by the Son of Love...." ~ "Like a River Glorious" As the article continues, "A quiet heart is content with what God gives. It is enough. All is grace.....My assignment entails my willing acceptance of my portion....We can only know that Eternal Love is wiser than we, and we bow in adoration of that loving wisdom." ~ Elisabeth Elliot. I do think, often, that accepting the things God has given as "my portion" is often very challenging. I don't always like the things God has placed in my life. But I am learning that joy is truly found in focusing on God and His character and less on the circumstances surrounding me. Not even the foolishness of "comparing my lot" to another's lot, will dim the struggles surrounding me. Only the knowledge of Who God is and the quietness that comes from submitting my will to His. And as the article concludes, "The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances." ~ Elisabeth Elliot. I am continually aware of my need of Christ, these days. I want more of Him; less of me. Most days, I feel I get in my own way. Praise God for Christ...praise God for His molding me more into His character. Praise God for mercy and Grace.
So, today, as I meditate on the aspect of worship and God's character, I am reminded that all is in His hand. He assigns my portion and lot. And in Him, I can rest and stand secure.

Day by Day by Karolina W. Sandell-Berg

1. Day by day, and with each passing moment,
   Strength I find, to meet my trials here;
   Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,
   I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.
   He Whose heart is kind beyond all measure
   Gives unto each day what He deems best—
   Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,
   Mingling toil with peace and rest.
2. Every day, the Lord Himself is near me
   With a special mercy for each hour;
   All my cares He fain would bear, and cheer me,
   He Whose Name is Counselor and Pow’r.
   The protection of His child and treasure
   Is a charge that on Himself He laid;
   “As thy days, thy strength shall be in measure,”
   This the pledge to me He made.
3. Help me then in every tribulation
   So to trust Thy promises, O Lord,
   That I lose not faith’s sweet consolation
   Offered me within Thy holy Word.
   Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
   E’er to take, as from a father’s hand,
   One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
   Till I reach the promised land.

Ponderings

So, this week was quite busy. We have had quite a bit of sickness in our home this week. Though, the boys are doing well today, Sophie is still struggling quite a bit. She now has a cough and I am praying that we will see her healthy very very soon.
I was able to order our school books already! I always enjoy purchasing our school and getting planning on it! It is busy keeping up with 5 little ones, and last year, when I was pregnant with Sophie, I had everything planned through Christmas. It really helped with our crazy fall schedule to have it all planned out and the kids have done extremely well so far. They are keeping up with their school work and all is planned through the rest of the school year. I am very obsessive about being ahead when it comes to things to do and it has helped to be so prepared when crazy things happen....and in our house crazy happens often!
In my devotion for today, John Piper talked about "Starving for the Greatness of God". I really do believe that so often we neglect God Himself when we talk about things relevant for today. I love the last paragraph ~ " The greatness and the glory of God are relevant. It does not matter if surveys turn up a list of perceived needs that does not include the supreme greatness of the sovereign God of grace. That is the deepest need. People are starving for God." We do need God. We do seek desperately to know Him. It is His presence we need everyday of our life. O, for more of the Father that we might see even a glimpse of His greatness.

My Faithful One!

So, this week has been quite interesting. We started our week coming off of a conference my husband and I help at every year. It was a bit interesting as we had the youngest 2 with us ~ Sophie by default because she needs to nurse and Ioan because our babysitter had to travel to a funeral in Florida. We really had a great time....and the speaker was excellent. I was able to hear the last two main sessions and the session for women. The main speaker spoke on one of my favorite Psalms~ the 73rd. I was greatly encouraged by the Word and the fellowship with other believers and friends.
Monday, I was a wee bit on the stressed side. After a crazy Sunday (not unusual), I began our crazy week with an extra child (my friend was away for a family member's death) and was not doing well. As I felt the stress rising, the Lord brought to mind a verse that had been important to me years ago....
"From the ends of the earth I cry out to Thee, when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
I vowed to find the reference for it and during supper prep, I was able to discover it's location- Psalm 61. As I read that psalm, as well as the one following, the Lord spoke to my heart and encouraged my spirit. That night, as I prepared for bed, I read out of my devotional for the year. It is an excellent devotional called "How Great Thou Art" and is a devotional on God and His character. I have greatly enjoyed it so far this year. As I read the devotion for the day, I glanced across the page and was delighted to see that the verse the Lord had impressed on my heart was the same one for the next day's devotion.
As a mother of young children (many young children), it can seem difficult to find good times to study the Word of the Lord. While I can read books with chaos ensuing, I cannot focus for longer than 5 minutes sometimes on a particular passage. While I was single and even in the earlier days of mothering, I was able to spend hours studying and praying. This week, I was reminded that God uses His Word in our lives. I have often thought of the verse (reference not currently in my head) in the Old Testament where it talks about God dealing graciously with those with young. As a young mother with young children, I am greatly encouraged with that truth ~ God will pour grace on my life and minister to my weary spirit with the Word that He has rooted in my life. Monday morning, I wept as I sought to sing the song "Faithful One". Oh, what truth in the words- God is truly Faithful. Faithful in pouring Grace. Faithful in comforting a weary Mother's heart. Faithful in bringing about His glory in my life. Praise be to the Rock. My Mighty Fortress. My Faithful One.

Another year gone by....

Wow, I can hardly believe that I am never on this blog anymore. Life has sped up at a pace that keeps me never slowing down. I have a great desire this year to document/ journal more and thought...well let's pull up that old blog and give it a go! So, here I am. The last year + has been filled with more change and craziness than I care to have. The last 7 months especially have been crazy one's for me.
After experiencing my 4th miscarriage in the summer of '09, we found out in the fall that we were again expecting. I was beyond thrilled, and it began such an up and down journey. Two of my sister in laws were expecting as well and I was so excited to join them! One of them, sadly lost that pregnancy just as I had found out I was expecting. It was such a difficult experience carrying my baby while she grieved her child. I experienced such conflicting emotions for the remainder of my pregnancy- struggling between joy for my child and grieving for her. My pregnancy also carried a lot of difficulties with it, and on June 10th, after struggling with high blood pressure and various other problems, we delivered our fifth child and third girl. While her birth was surrounded with some concerns for my health, it carried the joy of my sister in law sharing news of another baby for her! It really helped me as I worried for her as we held our precious blessing. However, this uninhibited joy would be short as 4 days later my dad has a minor surgery that caused more problems than it helped, it seemed, and my precious sister learned the day after dad's surgery that the precious babe she carried had some alerting problems. This would bring even greater struggle for me and our family in the next months as we worried, waited, grieved, and buried a precious baby boy. Watching the Lord's strength in my sister's life has been one of the most amazing things to see. While we sorrow and grieve, still she demonstrates such belief and trust in the goodness of the Lord. She has become someone I look up to and pray that my faith will grow even as hers has.
So, that has summed up most of what has happened minus the bouts with strep throat, the tonsillectomy of my two-year old, and the various other minor details of our life. Hopefully, I will keep up this year in sharing what I am learning as well as changes in our family. Who knows what the Lord has in store for us this year....

Almost a Year!

It's almost been a year without any blogging. We have had an incredible amount of illnesses this year...and I am hoping we will see health for a while! We still have 4 busy children and life has added some changes here recently that arn't very pleasant for me but are exciting for others...and so I am anxious to see what the Lord is going to do.
We have started a new curriculum this year called "Tapestry of Grace" and we are in our second week of school. Ariana is in second grade and Lillian is in Kindergarten. It's crazy. Ethan and Ioan keep me busy with their energy and joy! I sure am enjoying being a mom!
The Lord has really been challenging my heart about really seeking to reach my children's hearts for Him and not just looking for outward obedience. Between recieving emails as well as reading and studying various things, I have been reminded that God doesn't just want my actions..He wants my Heart! I admit, my heart has been overwhelmed and down over various things in the last year. Illnesses have made me exhausted, changes haven't always been good, and my relationships have had struggles. I know my heart has been heavy and weary and often I feel like I am crying out for help with not much of a response. Yet, in the midst of it all, I am reminded... God is good. God is here. He is my refuge and my strength. When I seek to do things my way or rely on my actions to accomplish something...I get weary and I fail. It truly is about the heart. Change in actions and attitude can only come about with Him changing my heart. And that can only happen when I humble myself and submit to His working in my life. I have found myself instead saying, "God renew my heart!" rather than just trying to "do" what I think I should or what others say I should be doing. As God said in Ezekiel - " And I will give you a new hear, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spririt within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules." It needs to be a heart change first if I want to change my actions and attitudes.
As I have thought about that, it has made me view other aspects of my life differently. Do I want to see my children happy and obedient? YES! It starts with me supbmitting my heart to God and allowing Him to lead and direct me in my parenting. It requires discipline that is focused on God and His Word more and focusing on my desires less. It is dealing with the heart of each matter as the focal point and not just the actions. It means things are sometimes more time consuming than I want. However, I know the results will be greater. Lord willing, it means my children's hearts will be directed more to Him and less to me.
It also means that as I encourage friends and others God has given me to minister to in my home, that His Word is my focus and not my opinion. It means less rules and more relationship. Rules only focus on outward actions; relationships require workings of the heart.
For me, do I want to be God's kind of woman, wife, and mother? YES, YES, YES!!! Than it is less about what I am doing and more about what I am and what God is doing in me.
Is it easy? NO Can I do it? Not in and of myself. But God can do it! And as He changes my heart, Lord willing, I will be used of Him to encourage change in my children and others as God brings them into my life. Not because there are rules to follow, but because there is a God whose glory will be desplayed as He fills hearts and lives.

Long time ago, but not so far away....

...I had more time to blog. Mind you it wasn't a ton of time, but it was more time. These days, life is sooo busy I don't know where the time has flown. Ioan is 5 months old and has 2 teeth (they just came in on Sunday!!!), Ariana is 6 years old and in 1st grade, Lillian is growing by leaps and bounds...some of her clothes are no longer fitting her reminding me that I need to pull out the next size, and Ethan...well my little man can count to 10 and has more energy than his momma! I have been busy with household and all that that entails. We are busy.
In the midst of this busyness, I was able to sneak away for a few days and attend the

True Woman's conference

( I am sooo illiterate when it comes to links...forgive me!) in Chicago. It was amazing. It was sometimes hard to listen to the messages due to a little Ioan, but what I heard challenged me, showed me areas I was failing as a wife and mother, and encouraged me in becoming more of the woman Christ desires me to be. I know that God wants to change me. I know that I need encouragement to be more of who He wants me to be. I want to change. So, I have started the

30 day makeover

and have been greatly blessed and encouraged in who I am as God's woman. It really is counter to what we hear in tv, media, from those following the culture, and even counter to what we hear in many of our churches. We are not being taught, encouraged, or trained in how to be God's kind of woman. I know that I have been blessed with much encouragement throughout much of my life to be the kind of woman God would have me to be. I was greatly privilaged to live in Thailand with a woman who for a little over 3 months had daily impact and taught me ways to be God's kind of woman and wife as I looked ahead to my marriage to Andy. I have been privilaged to read great books on God's perspective on womanhood and marriage. And yet, I am constantly faced and hear things that are contrary to what I know God has called women to. The teens that I work with are constantly facing and hearing things contrary to God's perspective in school, on tv, and from others. They are hearing these things and yet are not being trained in the area of Biblical womanhood.
One thing that has strenghtend my desire to learn and train others in Biblical womanhood (especially my daughters!) is my reading of the book

Women's Ministry in the Local Church. This book, although I am only in the beginning of it, has already challenged my thinking. It is a theology book for what training and teaching Biblical womanhood is of great importance. I have been challenged with that, and with the 30 day challenge, to revamp my thinking in reguards to my life and my calling. I have been called by God to be His kind of woman, I have been called by God to be His kind of wife, I have been called by God to be His kind of mother, I have been called by God to manage and care for my home. I have been called to be an encouragement to others, especially to other women and young ladies. In all these areas I have been called to display His gosepel and glory. These are the areas I know based on His word that I have been called to do. Everything else...is extra. It is above and beyond the basic calling of God on my life. As I have looked into my life and peered into it, I have come to this conclusion- I am not living out God's call on my life in a way that brings Christ and His gospel honor and glory. This careful consideration has caused me to re-evaluate my life and what I am doing. I have been pricked in my spirit to make changes. Some I have made; others I fear making the change. Why? Ultimately, it's due to my pride- and that is something the Lord has been bringing down as He convicts my heart. I fear people. I fear what others think sometimes. I fear being thought of in a negative way- I hate even the feeling like someone is displeased with me. However, I am learning that until I make Christ my focus and until I make His glory and Name my ultimate desire, until I make His pleasure my delight, I will not be able to be the woman He wants me to be. I need His Spirit to change and soften my heart so that I will display His glory in my life.

So, this is what I have been learning. This is what has been challenging my heart. I pray that I will be the kind of wife who brings glory to God by being a godly wife to Andy and mother to my children so they too will see Christ.

Now there are six!

Yup, we have now become a family of six! Crazy!!! We welcomed Ioan (pronounced Yo-an) William on May 22nd at 4:36pm weighing in at 7lb. 9oz and being 20 in. long. I was induced one day shy of 39 weeks and I am sooo glad they induced me. After weeks of contracting every 3-5 minutes and being in a great deal of pain, I was ready to meet Ioan. We arrived at the hospital around 6am and we began our induction. It was quite an eventful day for our little hospital- 6 babies were born that day! My OB was very busy. We were started on Pitocin around 7:30am, my water was broken around 11:30am, I got my epidural (which I am sooo glad that I got ) around 3pm, found out I was an 8 at 4pm, called a few friends around 4:15pm to let them know that Ioan would probably be arriving in an hour or so, and started pushing around 4:30pm and delivered at 4:36pm. It was a very fast delivery. Really almost too fast as I tore quite badly. I had a second degree tear up (it is not too common to tear up) and still tore down. I also burst a blood vessel which bled terribly and caused alot of problems! (Still is causing problems!) However, we are grateful Ioan is here and I am healing okay. We definitely have had some rough and busy couple of weeks since his birth. I had alot of blood loss and was quite anemic when I left the hospital. I am taking iron and eating yummy spinach salads and still struggling. When I saw the doctor this week he informed me that I would take a few months to return to normal. The blood loss has also caused me to have a low milk supply. After pumping after each feeding and nursing every two hours (a process that has taken an hour!), I am seeing an impovement in my milk supply and Ioan is finally starting to gain weight. (At a week and a half Ioan weighed in at 6lb. 11oz. and by the end of the week had gained 4 oz! I was impressed, but my lactation consultant wasn't completely impressed!) I am praying he will continue to grow. I have noticed an increase in his eating and in his sucking, so I am hoping we will be problem free from here on out!

All the kids are loving him. I am finding that being a mom of four is much busier now than with three, but nursing makes life busy! I am so grateful the Lord blessed us with Ioan and I pray that He will use us to train Ioan to be like Christ! I am overwhelmed by his grace in our lives and ask that you would pray that I would recieve an abundance of grace as I am tired and worn out and struggle with patience with my 3 busy children.

Well, I am tired, and that is all I have time to write! Here are some pictures for your enjoyment.

Ariana and Lillian love their little baby brother!!!!


Our blessing from the Lord! "Behold, children are an heritage from the Lord and the fruit of the womb a reward!!!!" Psalm 127

Counting Down the Days

Yes, if you've noticed my sidebar, I am nearing the end of what has been a very uneventful pregnancy thus far! I am so grateful to the Lord for the good pregnancy He's allowed me to have and I am anxious to see what He is going to do through the labor and delivery of this little one! We have until next Thursday to go on our own, and then Thursday morning, we will have an induction! So, next week, Ioan will join our family and we will see what he looks like!!! I am soooo excited for his arrival.
These last few weeks have been uncomfortable, but I must say filled with fun and excitement! We never have a dull moment in our home. Our washer is currently out of commission, so I've had opportunities to visit others to do my laundry (Thanks Julie!). We've had soccer games and practices, babies to cuddle, and family come to visit for a shower that a friend gave me. It was so nice to relax with friends and family and to anticipate Ioan comming. I recieved some nice things which I really appreciated because Ioan is comming in a different season than Ethan, so I have been in need of some things. It sure was fun and such an encouragement to me.
Well, I have more I could write, but I have a headache and am tired. I hopefully will write again before Ioan's arrival, if not, next will be fun news!!!!

Pray

A week ago was a day of rejoicing and sorrow for me. Rejoicing with

my sister in law who delivered a healthy baby boy! We were sooo anxious and excited to meet this little one! It was such a fun day of rejoicing.
After we returned home from seeing little Josiah, I checked on the

website of a family whom I have been praying for for quite a few months. I was grieved to read that little Ethan went home to be with the Lord that morning. I wept for this family and the loss of such a sweet and precious boy. Today is the rememberance Ethan's homegoing and I would appreciate the prayers of any and all who read who will think of Ethan's parents, Ben and Becky, and the family who awaits to be joined again with him one day in heaven.

The birth of Josiah and the homegoing of Ethan has been a reminder to me of the soverignty of the Lord in all of life. He holds each one in His hand and He knows the days of our lives. (Ps. 139) I am so grateful and humbled to know that He holds my life and my children's life and no matter how I try to hold on tightly to them, everything is out of my hands because they really aren't mine- they are His! I am continually reminded to daily surrender my husband and children to the Lord to be used for Him and to be completely His.
For a short update about me, I am currently 33 weeks pregnant! Yeah! We are looking forward to little Ioan's arrival here very very soon! I didn't go to my due date with my last pregnancy due to my complicated OB history and don't know if they will consider letting me go til I go. (I have never gone into labor on my own. I have always been induced or c-section) Being I will be a VBAC (providing this baby turns), I am somewhat more comfortable with the thought of induction so they can watch me closely. But, the Lord knows and hopefully within the next 4-7 weeks we will meet this precious baby!

(Just a note. I am incredibly computer unsaavy and don't know how to do much so hopefully my links arn't too silly looking!!!)

Cloth Diapers, illnesses, and Ioan

Things have been crazy our household the last few weeks! After 3 weeks of the flu in January, I was hoping for a healthy February, but that was not the Lord's plan for us. My dear, sweet Lillybug ran a high fever for almost a week and then was fine, but the next week, E-baby ran one will the chills while visiting my family in Michigan. We cut the visit short and took him in to the doctor's at home and he had a throat infection. Last week, Ana-bee was diagnosed with strep and Lillybug was diagnosed with the same 2 days later. So, while we spend time preparing for Lillybug's first official birthday (one of the perks of being born on leap-year), we are catching up on school and recovering from busy, sick weeks.
Added to our fun, I've been trying out cloth diapering. I know this is going to sound so weird, but I really like it! I am working on figuring out how to keep my diapers bright and stain free, but overall I like it. I have a few bumgenius diapers that I really like, but just did prefolds yesterday and must admit...I dont' care for them. They are bulky and make E-baby look 3x rounder in the bum and waist which I am not crazy about. The prefolds did hold up better at night (no leaking with them, but I did have leaking with bumGenius),but for the day and nap, bumGenius is great! So, I have found more I would love to try, and the nice thing is I'm not doing this alone...my dearest Julie is doing it with me too (although, with her baby due in 6 weeks or less, she probably feels the need to find what will work best more than me!) I am looking forward to continuing my cloth diapering and providing nice things for my children, and helping save some money.
Ioan is doing well. I am currently 26 weeks 5 days pregnant and am feeling him punch my side at the moment. In the midst of reading and hearing of other's losses in the last few weeks, my heart weeps with them for I have experienced loss more times than I would have liked and yet within me I carry what to me is the hope that the Lord will once again bless our family with a child. For me, losing my other children have been testimony's of God's soverignty and faithfulness to me and my miracles are reminders that in His time He gives the best! As much as I would have loved to carry my babies to term and be enjoying them now, I would not know the blessing of our second daughter or first-born son. But losses are difficult in many ways, because I am expecting our fourth live birth, but this is my seventh pregnancy. I am expecting our second born son, but really this is my third son. It's hard, because I don't want to discount these babies but it is hard when someone asks is this your fourth. I want to shout-no, it's my seventh, but three are gone, but then you get the I'm sorry looks and I want joy over this little one. So, Ioan William (the official baby name) is very anticipated and continues to remind me that there is hope after loss and my track record doesn't indicate what will happen (So far we've had birth-loss-preterm birth-loss-second trimester loss-birth) because it is in my great God's hands. We are counting down the weeks (just over 12 at the most as my history doesn't lend to going to or past my due date) and are anxious and excited over this new life! Please continue to pray for me, I've felt very tired alot and often wonder, how am I going to do four, but I know I wouldn't trade the joy of another baby for anything!

Hope

Life has been rather busy the last few weeks. We battled illness for almost 3 weeks, but we are all doing better-except for a few coughs here and there. I am starting to feel somewhat better after not getting much sleep~ just a reminder that we will join the non sleeping ranks again in a few short months!
I am really looking forward to having our son. WE have finally decided on the name Ioan (pronounced yo-an) and love praying and talking to him by name. I am praying that he will know what a precious gift of the Lord he is to us! February will be a busy month, celebrating the birth of our friend's baby as well as celebrating our Lillian's fourth birthday! She actually has a birthday this year! Sometimes, I am still in wonder over the miraculous life she has. Though she came 2 and a half months before she should have, she is healthy and doing so well. She is sometimes full of mischief, but she is also such a joy!
I am very much looking forward to time going by quickly and Ioan's arrival to come. Though, I don't want him to come too soon! My sister in law is also due 7 weeks before me, so I am hoping to enjoy her son before I am busy with another baby! Babies have always been a reminder to me of life. Sometimes we are surrounded by death and sorrow, but when one sees a precious baby, we are reminded that there is life and hope- ultimately that can be found only in Jesus. After just celebrating Christmas and seeing new babies, I have been greatly reminded of the hope in Christ. Because he came, because he died, we have the hope of eternity with Him in heaven bringing honor and glory and praise to the Father!!!! How wonderful that great hope!

Ioan or Tristian or Liam...oh my!

Choosing a name for this baby is proving to be a challenge to me. I have pestered my hubby for agreeing to Ioan and he agreed last night. But now I am having second thoughts. So....any votes????

Who likes Ioan (meaning: gift of God)?
Who likes Tristan (meaning: tumult/ loud noise)?
Who likes Liam (meaning: Resolute protector (form of William))?

Help us narrow it down!!!!

New Purchase arrived today!!!!

I am embarqing on a new venture. I am experimenting with cloth diapering! I just purchased my first 2 cloth diapers. They are

bumgenius

pocket cloth diapers. I am excited to try these out. I have figured that even with using a certain detergent, washing and drying them, I will still save between 500-700 dollars in one year! I am hoping that I can do this and that my experience is a good one. With our second son due in less than 5 months and still working on getting my 3 year old daugher out of diapers, I am looking forward to experimenting on this and hoping it is pleasant! So pray for me!

Pregnancy Update #5

Today was ultrasound day here!!! My dear friend offered to watch Ethan, and the girls, my dear hubby, and I went to the hospital for the much anticipated ultrasound! It went great! Baby was very active and cooperated with us, and we are pleased to announce that we are expecting anther boy! I really thought we'd find out it was a girl, but I was way wrong on that front! I am excited especially for Ethan to have a playmate. The girls are 18 months apart and I love their closeness. I hope our boys, who will be 20 months apart, will share a similar closeness, although in boy fashion. We sure are blessed by the Lord and I am praying that He will continue to bless this pregnancy. I look forward to rejoicing in our son's birth in the spring!!!!

Pregnancy Update #4

Wednesday, I had an ultrasound at the early hour of 8am. I admit...I've decided that early appointments are not for me..especially when we have all the highway traffic going through our small little town. However, the ultrasound went good. My cervical length was great and baby looked good. We weren't able to see the gender of the baby, so baby is still baby for now. It was sooo cute...our precious child had its hand up by its face and you could see the fingers...so small and sooo perfect. I was very relieved to see/hear the heart beating (although, I was sooo tired I can't remember what the heartrate was.)
The only negative news was the weight loss (which most women would be happy to hear about!) However, my doctor is concerned with my continual weight loss. I am finally over morning sickness, but my appetite has still not returned. I was told to eat more frequently and help my tummy get back to its original size as due to morning sickness it's probably shrunk. I am working on my attitude toward this, as I am not hungry often, and don't have an appetite. I know it's important for our baby, and I am going to try hard to do better.
I am still praying that the Lord will give me a peace and excitement for this pregnancy. I am happy to have another child, but I am still guarded in the sense that I don't want to get attached and then to lose the baby. WE have now passed the time when we lost Nathan, so I have no reason to be concerned, but I am still fearful in some ways. I know that God has this little one in His hand, but getting it from my head to my heart is a bit of a challange for me. I know He has my good in making me like Jesus and His glory in mind, and I am trying to remember that no matter what happens, these things must be at the forefront of my mind.
Our next view is January 9th, and hopefully we will find out whether we will have another girl, or another boy. I love preparing for the next baby, and I know that will boost my spirits. Until then, I have two friends awaiting the arrival of their babies any day now, and I am excited and anxious to see their waiting fulfilled! And I can't wait to hold a tiny baby again!