September 11th is a day Americans will never forget. It is a day that changed lives and continues to affect lives even today. It happened less than a month after Andy and I were married. I remember watching it happen on T.V. It's a day I will never forget.
Last year's September 11ths is also a day I will never forget. Last year, somewhere between 1:30 and 2:00am, I was in the emergency room and our son, Nathan Joel, was with God in eternity. It was a shock as I ahd made it well past my other miscarriages and assumed smooth sailing through the rest of my 2nd trimester until the end when I"ve usually struggled with Preeclampsia. Instead, God had other plans- taking Nathan home to HIm. The next Sunday, I sang the song "In Christ Alone" and wept because I learned by experience that those words were true. The words of the final verse hit me the most:
"No guilt in life, No fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power in hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll live"
Learning about Christ's Soverignty in such a personal way changed my thinking about alot of things. He holds the lot of my life (Ps. 16:5), He has ordained all my days, from the first breath to the last (Ps. 139:16), He not only ordained the number, but planned my salvation and the works that I would do for His honor and glory (Eph. 2:8-10). Not only that, but He planned all of Nathan's 15 and a half weeks in my womb. And His plan was for Nathan to never taste of the sinfulness and rottenness of this world and to only know the joy and peace and gloriousness of worshipping in God's presence always. I too can enjoy a portion of the same Joys Nathan is experiencing in heaven here on earth as I seek Him and strive to abide in His presence (Ps. 16:11). And one day, I will join Nathan in praising God forever and ever....let me tell you, heaven gets sweeter and sweeter. Until then, I have the same power that raised Christ from the dead at my disposal that I may spend my time here on earth bringing God pleasure and honor and glory because the Holy Spirit lives in me and gives me power to daily live for the Lord. If only I utilized that power more!
This September 11th, I am basking in something diffrent- the undeserved grace and mercy of God in my life. I carry within me, evidence that God is working in my life and is at this moment choosing to pour grace on the son I carry within me- allowing him to grow healthy and strong in my womb. Not only that, but I have enjoyed a problem-free pregnancy which to me has been another demonstration of His grace in my life. I am anxious to meet Ethan and pray that I will be used by God to train him in the ways of God and share with Him all that God has taught me. For now, I am learning, as did Job, that " The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away, blessed be the name of the LORD" (Job 1:21) and "I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted." (Job 42:2) I am excited and anticipate what the Lord has in store for the rest of this pregnancy and the rest of my life!!!
"Have Thine Own Way, Lord, Have thine own way
Thou art the potter, I am the clay
Mold me and make me after Thy will
While I am waiting, yeilded and still."
