Thoughtful meditations these days. I don't know what my deal is, but I really have had so many great things happen in the last few days. My sweet sister, Angela, delivered her second son, Owen Augustine, on Wednesday. We sure rejoice over this new little life, and pray that he will grow to love the Savior! My sister did great...I only wish I was there to love on him and kiss his sweet face!
This past week marked 6 months since Tobin went to be the Lord. While I grieved along with my sister in that his presence is greatly missed, I rejoiced that the Lord has opened her womb once again. We are certainly praying for health for this little one, and I look forward with anticipation to celebrating this child's birth in the fall. We will continue to miss Tobin and look forward to the day "He will wipe our tears" and we will get to know him.
Despite all these wonderful things, I can't put my finger on why I still feel sorrow. It is so puzzling. I have certainly seen so many great blessings lately in the lives of my family and even in my own life. Yesterday, I heard the song "Blessings" by Laura Story. I literally wept. Here are the words to "Blessings" by Laura Story~
"We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
As long as we have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise"
Laura Story's testimony on this song was so neat to hear. I found myself echoing her sentiments. It is certainly easy to talk about blessings when things are good. We know God is sovereign; we know with-holds no good thing from His children. Yet, when we experience sorrow or difficult circumstances, we do not say, "Hey! See how God is blessing me!" Often times we question what we have done to deserve this (questioning if we are sinning or not), we get angry at God, we declare He cannot love us because He is not giving what we deem is "good", ....and the list goes on. I am learning (and perhaps this is why I weep) that my good is often what God brings in difficulty. I am learning to see Him in all things. I am growing more and more thirsty for His presence and my eternal home. Do I see this all the time? Absolutely not! That is what makes me more grateful than ever for His grace and His hand constantly leading, guiding, and forgiving.
Today ~ I pray: Father teach me more of You each day, be it joys or trials. Mold me more into Your likeness...Give me a thirst for You....Give me a view of Your mercy and grace which is often disguised by "rain and tears".....Remind me daily that each joy as well as difficulty is a way you are seeking to bless........................................................