This week has been an up and down week for me. I have many things on my heart that I often have to surrender to the Lord. A dear friend who lost her baby earlier this year was due around this time, and so I have been thinking of her this week. This week also marked one year since my sweet sister Beth delivered my precious nephew Tobin who was stillborn. Reliving the events of that week were sad, but my sister's testimony and trust in the Lord have been greatly encouraging. She is also carrying my nephew, Aidan, whom we anticipate either the end of October or the beginning of November. The presence of new life is certainly a reminder of hope!
Thursday, I had another ultrasound and OB check. We were able to see the 4 chambers of the heart and confirm that this baby does indeed seem to be a girl. I am thrilled to know the gender so I can prepare. I am however trying not to be too nervous despite the fact that my history with girls is not so good. I have never made it past 37 weeks with my girls and my last girls were born at 30 weeks and 36 weeks. With both Lillian and Sophie, I had complications from preeclampsia and had to have blood transfusions due to placental abruptions. With my last pregnancy, I was hopeful that things would end well, and there were complications that made us wonder if we should even have more children. And we were advised that we should be done. I would not change having this precious girl, even though she was a surprise! But knowing she is a girl does make me alittle more nervous for both me and her. I must keep remembering my life, and her life, is ultimately in the hands of the Soverign Lord who has a plan for us both.
Last night, as I was reading posts on facebook, I read that one of the couples Andy and I know from Word of Life received news that their baby will not live long after birth. This too brought back emotions from watching my sister walk this road last year. My heart is heavy for them, but their faith and trust in the Lord is so encouraging.
September is a difficult month for me. It carries with it alot of sorrow: Tobin, my dear cousin Josh's death, the loss of our first son Nathan at 16 weeks, 9/11... I definitely have learned over the last few years what it means to trust the Lord in ways I never would have without the experiences He has brought me through. So while September brings some sorrows, I am so grateful for His hand and plan for me.