Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Learning to Wait

I used to laugh at myself when I would talk about how anxious I was for the next exciting thing to happen. First it was graduating High School. Then it was marrying my best friend, Andy. Then it was anxiously waiting for our first child, a daughter, to arrive. Since then, I feel like I do a myriad of waiting everysingle day. And with all that practice (you think I would be getting good), I am still disliking waiting!!!!

Tomorrow, I meet with the specialist again. Last week was kindof fun...(minus the cervical ultrasound) we got to see our baby (for the 4th time this pregnancy) as well as recieve the assurance that everything is going good for now. I was really relieved and less stressed about this pregnancy...until the start of this week. I got nervous Monday and have still been waiting to see how things are going. You see, we lost our son, Nathan Joel, last September around this time in the pregnancy. I am so anxious to get further along (like another 10 weeks under my belt), and yet I thought, "If I got relived about what this doctor said, why can I not be relieved when I read the truths for me in God's Word?"

I've determined because it's easier to rely on man, and once you get some word, it's easy to forget and cease to rely on the Heavely Father. However, God wants us to find pleasure and delight in Him. He wants our source of joy and strength to come fom trusting HIM.

So, now what do I do? For now, I know I need to bathe myself in the Word and memorize verses that will help me to focus on Him. I also need to continue to wait and really seek to understand what Waiting on the Lord really means...and then apply it to my life.

I certainly covet prayers on behalf of this little baby growing in me....and I also covet prayes that I will become the person God desires me to be and that I will trust in Him no matter what comes my way.

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?...One thing have I asked of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will lift me high upon a rock...Hear, O LORD, when I cry aloud; be gracious to me and answer me! You have siad, "Seek my face." My heart sayd to you, ' Your face, LORD, do I seek'. Hide not your face from me....I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living! Wait for the LORD; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the LORD!" ~Psalm 27: 1,4-5, a7-9a, 13-14

1 comment:

ReneeM said...

I have been following your pregnancy saga. I have had really wild pregnancy and delivery stories, filled with miracles. I had a cerclage, which turned out to be not be a good thing - so I am glad you didn't get one, although its controversal, and has been very helpful, and I really felt it wasn't my place to say anything. BUT one day I'll share my story, or God's really of his miraculous ways!!

It is easier to depend on mankind, their knowledge... and yet, our God can give a 90 yr old woman a baby!! Spurs my faith to talk about it, and yet a couple hours ago I was doubting it... so TALK of God's miraculous ways, let it build your faith... Psalms talks much about this!! I look forward to hearing the end of this beautiful story of one more precious one born, and all you have to share!!