"And she (Hannah)said, 'Oh, my lord! As you live, my lord, I am the woman who was standing here in your presence, praying to the LORD. For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him. Therefore I have lent him to the LORD. As long as he lives, he is lent to the LORD." I Samuel 1:26-27
Often times, I feel like Hannah. I have wanted to have many children since I was young and when I got married I was anxious to see the LORD fulfill the desires in my heart. Hannah may have felt the same way...desirous to the recieve the blessings of children. However, the LORD didn't fulfill that desire of hers when she thought it should happen...it wouldn't be fulfilled until the LORD determined it was time. And when God satisfied her longing, she returned her son, Samuel, back to the LORD to serve Him.
I am young and have two beautiful girls. However, I do understand the praying for my children and surrendering them back to the LORD. And what great joy there is for a mother to see her prayers fulfilled and what peace when she is willing to put them where they belong-back to the LORD!!! I didn't understand it much before and as I grow in the LORD I am sure I will not undestand it fully until I reach heaven, however my children are teaching it to me yearly.
With my first, Ariana, I concieved easily and didn't have too much trouble until the end when we were induced 3 weeks early because of blood pressure problems. Then I concieved again before she was a year and the Lord took that baby to be with Him when I was only 6 weeks pregnant. A month later, we found out we were expecting another blessing and while I was nervous due to my loss before, things went surprisingly well for awhile. I didn't however know that the LORD would use this child to teach me of His grace, soverignty, and even more what it means to surrender my children into His great hand.
We experienced normal pregnancy ails until 30 weeks. When I reached 30 weeks, I was very busy involved in the JR. High ministry in our church. We had a teen event on February 28th which I was heavily involved in. Later in the day I began contracting alot. I had alot practice contractions since 20 weeks, but these were diffrent. We left the event early and went home. I called the doctor and he assumed, as did I, that I just overdid it. My friend who was a massage therapist came over to our home and gave me a massage to try to relax me in hopes that the contractions would let up if I took it more easy. A couple who are good friends of ours stayed over since we are closer to church and that proved to be a great blessing.
Early in the morning on February 29th,2004, I woke hemorraging and we went to the hospital. They checked and our daughter, Lillian Grace ( we chose the name just a few weeks before), seemed to be doing well and they decided I was in labor and tried to stop the contractions. I was quite anxious and my husband kept reminding me of what I had been learning from a great book titled "Calm my Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. I had been working on controlling my thoughts with God's Word. He had me quote the verses I had been learning and encouraged and prayed with me that I would remember them. Not long later, both Lillian and I began having some problems and they decided to deliver her via c-section. Praise God for giving them clear thinking because after she was delievered we were told that I had severe preeclamsia (complication in pregnancy involving high blood pressure, protein in urine, severe swelling and other problems) and over a 50% placental abruption. If they had waited, we may not have lived, but we know God was in control over that!!!!
She was born weighing 3lbs. 1oz. and was beautiful (although I didn't see her other than pictures until 2 days later because I had been put under for the surgery and needed lots of care and she was taken to another hospital to be in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.)
Here she is just over a week and being compared to a beenie baby.
She was in the hospital for 6 and a half weeks and came home alittle over 5lbs. While she was there, I was encouraged by II Corinthians 4:15 ~" For all things are for your sakes, that the abundant grace might through the thanksgiving of many redound to the glory of God." I know God gave great grace and we wanted all the praise and glory for the things He'd done to go to Him.
Here she is just a couple days after going home.
It's been almost 2 years and in those years we've experience the loss of two more children, one at 10 and a half weeks gestation, and our son, Nathan Joel, who went to be with the Lord at 15 and a half weeks gestation this past September 11th. In all this, the Lord continues to pour out His grace and teach me more of Himself. Oh the blessings that our children bring, blessings of joy with them here with us and blessings of showing us the Lord here and also while they are at home with Him. May we each continue to seek after the Lord and learn of Him even through some of our greatest blessings- children.
I know this picture is old, but it is one of my favorites. I hope you enjoy it.